They provided as evidence Bayh's support of ENDA, that he has gay people on his staff, and that HRC once gave him a 100 percent ranking on their annual scorecard.

First, ENDA is a pathetic excuse for a civil rights bill. Unlike the original amendatory gay civil rights bill that's making the rounds on the Hill once again, ENDA would cover only about eight percent of the nation's employees (hets included) and would not deal with discrimination in public accommodation or the housing discrimination that is the far bigger problem in Indiana. The shills also failed to mention that Bayh actively opposed our civil rights as governor, even sending in his version of Karl Rove, Ann Delaney, to cheat on his behalf to try to prevent it from even getting so far as his party's state platform. He only adopted his very limited support of our civil rights when he made the leap to federal office and was positioning himself for a presidential run that required at least giving it minimal lip service. Further ENDA has no chance of getting to the floor and Bayh knows it. Typically, he chose the path of least commitment, has stuck to it long past its time, yet his advance men are still expecting applause.

HRC's scorecards have long been the punchlines of Capitol Hill jokes about the potential meaninglessness of scorecards. This is because HRC's have historically been based on final votes on legislation, ignoring the interim votes on the actual gay issues that are usually dealt with in amendments and such. It is entirely possible -- and not infrequently the case -- that a Congressperson can vote against gay positions at the amendment level yet get credit for voting for them if they're a part of some huge omnibus legislation like an appropriations bill that virtually everyone will vote for because the deals have been struck and the caucus positions issued. Further, years often go by without anything more gay-specific than a no-courage-required no-brainer like reauthorization of Ryan White funding included on HRC's list. In short, the 100 percent rating could well mean nothing or worse.

Former Senator Jesse Helms had gay people on his staff, too. There are also sitting gay Congresspeople who screw us every chance they get. As Shakespeare's Sister commented, "He employs gay people on his staff. This makes his decision to punt on the issue [of civil marriage equality] even more pathetic."

But what is truly pathetic is the shills' final plaintive cry of "first you must be elected" as if past is not prologue. Make no mistake, this line is only trotted out by apologists for those exercising the worst sort of spineless political expediency, the defenders of those who pretend to lead from behind. Sure, when civil marriage equality is finally popular enough for every Tom, Dick, and Hillary, Bayh may well vote with us. But chances are he won't live long enough to see that day or, if he did, there'd be something else needing politically courageous leadership for him to fail to provide.

There are politicians out there right now who stand with us on civil marriage equality and some come from places where that stand requires far more gumption than Bayh would have to exhibit to do the right thing. They are worthy of our support. Bayh is not.

It's time for us to stop acting like abused spouses whose self-esteem is so crushed that we take and take and take our abusers' crazy-making conflicting claims that they're not what their actions say they are and that, anyway, they really love us and will only hurt us when we "deserve" it. Abusers like Bayh only change when they have no other choice. How many choices are you going to give him? How long are you willing to endure the pain before you change enough that he has to follow suit if he really does want you?