The Bilerico Project | Daily experiments in LGBTQ

It looks like Santa Claus is getting political this year. That darn Santa isn't happy with either Republicans or Democrats though. Check out these letters he recently sent to a member of each party. (I'll let you guess which letter goes to whom!)

4 December

Dear Robert,

Thank you for your letter. Given that you're so proud of your vote in helping George W. Bush to win re-election, I can understand why you're so proud of yourself and, therefore, why you think you deserve a little something extra under the Christmas tree this year.

That being said, allow me to respond to your request, and this comes from the bottom of my heart.

NO. FUCKING. WAY.

You Republicans are all the same, Robert. You continually fuck the lower and middle classes in the ass while convincing them you're on their side, and then you pat yourselves on the back for a job well done. No wonder I'm getting record requests for inflatable donuts this year. And in the process, you put a guy who's unable to eat a pretzel without hurting himself into the most important job in the world.

And don't even think of asking for another tax cut, you greedy son-of-a-bitch.

Happy Holidays,

Santa

4 December

Dear Howard,

Thank you for your letter. Okay, so you're upset about John Kerry losing the presidential election. I can understand why you're so distraught and, therefore, why you think you deserve a little something extra under the Christmas tree this year.

That being said, allow me to respond to your request, and this comes from the bottom of my heart.

NO. FUCKING. WAY.

You Democrats are all the same, Howard, - always looking for a handout. You're as bad as my fucking elves - constantly bitching about vacation time or their goddamn dental plan. How about this instead: in 2008 try nominating a Southern Bible-thumper who says "Praise Jesus!" every other sentence instead of a well-coiffed New England Ivy Leaguer who eats his clam chowder with his pinky finger extended.

Fucking morons. Throw me a few tax cuts for my factory and then we'll talk.

Happy Holidays,

Santa