Q. Hi! I would just like to ask why is it that gay couples have a hard time sticking in one relationship? Thank you
LGBT relationshipsFollow @freedom2marry
A. Seems you've fallen prey to the myths that abound about same-sex relationships. So let me clarify what I'm answering so as not to perpetuate any myths here. I don't think gay couples - in particular - do have a hard time "sticking to one relationship." I think all relationships are simply difficult, and all of us human beings have a hard time committing - forever - to one life partner. If you have been with the same partner for more than five years, you probably know what I'm saying when I say - relationships are work. Most people opt to leave a relationship when the going get's too rough - and it is also at this precise time, as partners are calling it quits, that they both stand to learn what they most need to learn, to make their relationship work. It is our individual pain (feeling disconnected, lonely, misunderstood, not a priority, not good enough, slighted, in search of more, better, and different) that moves us out of one relationship and into another.
Granted, same-sex relationships do encounter different obstacles that could pose challenges not experienced by our heterosexual peers, such as: the lack of legal rights, responsibilities to our partners, and the protection of our relationships under the law; lacking societal and sometimes familial support; discrimination and sometimes danger or physical/emotional harm; societally-induced shame about our sexual orientation; rejection/sometimes danger in our culture; relationship invisibility (the assumption that we are all heterosexual unless proven otherwise); and other challenges I'm probably overlooking. Geeze, maybe the question is - HOW DO SAME-SEX COUPLES MAKE IT? :)
The good news is, many couples do make it. In fact, a local video is currently being produced that will highlight several same-sex couples that have been together over 10 years, some as long as 30. The reason most relationships don't work can be boiled down to two key variables, in my opinion these are: one, poor self-care (when we stop taking care of ourselves, and lose interest in our own lives we are inclined to look at our relationship as "the problem"); and two, the pain of self-discovery that relationships bring us - when we don't like the version of ourselves that we see through our partner's eyes, we want to run for the hills (without realizing that we can only run from the mirror, and not from our selves).