Don Sherfick

Talking Scooter Libby in the Checkout Line

Filed By Don Sherfick | July 09, 2007 7:50 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Politics
Tags: Dick Cheney, Scooter Libby

I'm not totally sure that a discussion of the recent Bush commutation of Scooter Libby's sentence is really part of the LGBTQ dialogue that the new-and-improved Bilerico seeks to foster, but I see the site has linked to Keith Obermann's special comment denouncing the whole thing and calling for the resignation of the top two occupants of the Executive Branch. (Ooops, I forgot: Dick Cheney says he really isn't part of that establishment). So I'll share my attempt to survey opinion on the sordidly suspicious matter with you.

When I was in the checkout line at the supermarket yesterday I decided to raise the issue as I was beginning my transaction. I asked: "What do you think of the Scooter Libby commutation"? There was silence, and then a voice replied: "Please place your first scanned item in the bag". That didn't seem very responsive, so I tried again: "President Bush took away Scooter Libby's 30 month prison sentence for perjury. Do you have an opinion on that?" The reply this time: "Do you have any coupons?" This I could see wasn't going to be an ordinary checkout line conversation.

But I was determined to get a meaningful answer. "Scooter Libby. You know, Dick Cheney's former chief of staff who was convicted of lying to a grand jury concerning the Valerie Plame outing." Only to be met with: "If you have any coins, please place them in the coin acceptor before placing bills in the bill acceptor."

At this point it was clear that we had a significant communication problem. So not wanting to beat a dead horse I turned to the person behind me in line and asked: "What about you, what do you think?" Her reply: "I beg your pardon?"

"No", I said, becoming frustrated again. "Commutation, not pardon". Do you know what "commute" means?"

Her eyes brightened a bit. "Oh, sure......I commute thirty miles round trip to work downtown every day." She still didn't have a clue. But I made one last try: "Sentence. Not travel. Sentence."

"I beg your pardon? I thought that WAS a sentence."

I knew it was hopeless. How do those guys who do the Gallup polls manage to get their information? I started to approach another customer but then the subject of my first interview attempt interrupted and said: "Please take your item and your payment to the cashier".

The cashier didn't know anything about Scooter either. Doesn't anybody else watch Hardball on MSNBC? Wolf Blitzer on CNN? How can I even begin to blog on the Libby commutation matter for the LGBTQ community if I can't get a straight answer in the checkout line? I guess maybe the whole thing really doesn't have an LGBTQ significance after all.

And I don't care what that first person said. I'll place bills in the f***ing bill acceptor before placing coins in the coin acceptor if I want to. That's what Freedom means to me.


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