Sara Whitman

Lecherous old lesbians

Filed By Sara Whitman | September 26, 2007 1:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: elderly gays and lesbians, lesbian, LGBT history

I went to Davis Square the other day to meet a friend for lunch. Davis Square, in Somerville, MA, is ultra cool. So cool it makes Newton look like Iowa. To get there is a ridiculous venture of side roads, twisting, turning, remembering odd streets and one-way roads. Make a wrong turn, you’re in East Boston. Or Connecticut.

Make the right turn, you reach the home of the hip, the trendsetters, and the young. There are fabulous restaurants- Gargoyles, Red Bones, and where I met my friend, the Diesel Café.

They should have named it the Diesel Dyke Café because the place was crawling with the cutest, hottest, young lesbians I’ve seen in a long, long time.

And I worked in Jamaica Plain for a while, walking the center ever day. No comparison.

My friend and I have known each other almost twenty years. We have the kind of connection that even if we don’t talk for a long time, when we get together, there better be at least two hours free or we’re going to feel like we’ve said nothing.

We sat down in the very hip, edgy urban café after ordering our sandwiches with sprouts and whole grain bread. I believe we invented that cuisine in the seventies, but I guess it goes to show everything comes back in style, even sprouts.

While we discussed our kids, our long-term relationships, our extended families, the long journey we’ve been on, trying to find balance and laughing at our missteps, we could not help but watch the young women walk by, from time to time.

You know, my friend said to me, we might feel 24 years old. But we’re not.

Oh god, we’re lecherous old lesbians! I said. Drooling over women young enough to be our children!

This did not stop us but it did put it in a different frame. It’s hard to imagine sometimes how much older we are now. She’s almost fifty. That can’t be. I remember her watching a basketball game I was playing in because there was a cute, single woman on the team I thought she’d like. I could still play basketball. I played a pretty good game, too, back in the day.

I know it seems like I’m going on an age rampage- “Rage, rage against the dying of the light” but to be honest, I like where I am now.

Minus the hot flashes.

I honestly don’t want to be 24 again. I love that I have a friend I know so well we can pick up as if not a day had passed in between visits. When we first met, we had to learn so much about each other, hear each other’s stories. All that information is piled together over the years, turned into humorous, one-liners, understood without needing any explanation.

“I don’t fly coach” is my favorite.

It’s not about flying coach at all, but a fun story and a parent’s ability to make light of a difficult situation.

As we finished our long talk, we decided it was a good place to meet. Maybe we are too old to even be considered attractive by those young women. To be honest, I have so much more than them. I don’t want to go back to living in bad parts of town, and having earnest conversations about world peace over Blue Nun wine.

Okay, I’m still having earnest conversations about world peace; they just don’t last all night anymore.

Today the wine is much better than Blue Nun.

I like all my experiences – good and bad- and the vision it gives me. I love the richness of my friendships.

And even though I’m old enough to be their mother? Those young lesbians smiled and acknowledged us. I remember seeing older lesbians when I was their age and thinking, Thank you.

But certainly not, I want to date you. No. Never.

I may not be hip. I may not be a trendsetter. But I helped paved some of the road they are walking on today.


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Um, Bil? as cute a lecherous old lesbian you would make, I think my pict and name with the post would make a little more sense....

It would, it would. *grins* That's what I get for hitting SAVE and running out the door without double-checking my work...

I'm friends with all my exes though... Does that qualify?

And here I thought I was coming over to read about some lecherous old lesbians that Bil knows. Great article though, its a great story about friends in an era where that seems rare.

See? Instead of getting me to read those stories from the magazines to you, Joh, this time you got to read a story for yourself. By a real lesbian! *laughs*

It seems like lesbians have to deal with similar baggage that us homos do when it comes to a generational gap in terms of attractiveness and dating? However it doesn't seem to be nearly as catty.

I'm a 32 year old gay man. I used to worry that I was getting older, that my time was running out, that all my best sex was over and that love was impossible. But then I started having sex with 30 year olds, and discovered the first of two wonderful mysteries: You twenty-year olds with your hot abs and perfect skin don't know how to have sex yet. It takes time (and graduate school) to learn good sex. The second mystery I learned was this: Love's possible, even more possible, after 30. In fact, I need to get dressed and hit the road, because I'm meeting mine for dinner in about an hour. If this is aging, bring it on.

Someday, my partner and I hope to be lecherous old lesbians... which we have discussed with my friend Dr. Brokeback.

Oh, Patrick, you are soooo right.

And sex with someone you've known for a long time? Can be truly amazing.

Hmmmm.... Maybe I'm not hip to the generational divide here because I'm something of a spring chicken, but I'm just going to throw it out there that gay men who are quite a bit older than I are hot. Really hot.

One thing I noticed when I started hanging out in gay spaces in high school was the number of inter-generational couples. I'm thinking we do a better job than the straights do in that regard. In fact, Dr. Richard Isay, the gay psychotherapist who works in the Freudian tradition, agrees. He says it's because people don't want to date others who remind them too much of themselves, and age difference does for us what gender difference does for straights.

I don't know whether to believe his explanation or not.

What I've always noticed - especially among gay men...

When I was younger I wanted someone in their mid-30's. Now that I'm in my mid-30's I get hit on all the time by those in their early 20's on a regular basis!