I’ve never really thought of myself as butch. I knew everyone else thinks of me that way, but I don’t. Personally, I feel quite the princess most of the time. I love to cook, take care of my kids, and run a house. I shriek when mice or snakes are present- not that it’s a particularly feminine trait but… it’s certainly not considered butch to be standing on top of a chair when a rouge dust ball happens by (remember, Marg?).
I have even had my now long hair braided. Although afterwards, everyone told me I looked like Ben Franklin.
Ouch.
I would have settled for Johnny Tremain.
I realize, I can have all the femme I want in my heart but the outside world is always going to see 5’ 10”, broad shouldered, built like a truck Butch.
If I wore heels everyone would ask me when I had my reassignment surgery. I can’t pull girl off. Never have been able to. Maybe that’s why I care so much about keeping the T in the ENDA debate. Gender expression is very important to me. I think I look like a woman but I still get asked all the time if I’m in the right restroom.
Which brings me to yesterday, when I embraced my inner butch. More than embrace, I pretty much had a wild fling with it. There I was, driving Walter’s F150 truck, wearing a flannel shirt, and heading to Home Depot to get an axe.
And a wood splitter. I mean… it was nirvana. With my Levis and baseball cap, I broke out in full swagger. I loved it.
You’re beside yourself, aren’t you? Jeanine asked as we returned to the truck, I with axe slung over my shoulder.
Yup.
Butch Paradise.
I loved it. I have decided to reclaim my inner butch. I am going to feed her with activities such as fishing, kayaking and drinking whiskey.
Well… I hate whiskey. Maybe a chunky Cabernet or rustic Chianti.
Yeah, I know. I have a lot of work to do.
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4 Comments
All of the current blog traffic concerning the ENDA transgender inclusion/exclusion controversy (despite my disdain for some excessive namecalling about folks Barney Frank who deserve a lot of credit for a lot of good things.......how quickly we sometimes forget...on both "sides" of the equation.) has had the effect of making me think a lot more about the whole role gender identity, both "real" and "perceived" plays in our society. What is it that places so much emphasis on the presence or absence of gender-suggesting features (ranging from penises to flannel shirts, trucks, and trips to Lowes to vaginas, sewing, Barbie Dolls and....OK, more trips to Lowes? Certainly to me one of the roots of homophobia is a feeling that anyone who isn't "man" enough to want to have sex with a woman is really somehow the latter, and hence somehow inferior. What it is in the human cultural psyche that mixes genital configurations up with many other judgements is a worthy subject in its own right.
I'd write more but Home Depot is calling on one line and Menard's on the other with offers I may not be able to refuse.
Don Sherfick | October 10, 2007 12:45 PM
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It makes so much more sense now that Bil's picture isn't up with the post. I was really confused earlier!
Jessica | October 10, 2007 4:57 PM
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Bil cannot pass for butch. He tried and no one can fault him for that...
and don? go for both.
Sara Whitman | October 10, 2007 9:39 PM
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We had a glitch yesterday that screwed up the postings - and it started here when my picture and name went up instead of Sara's. It took a couple of hours, but we think we finally have the last of the glitches out of the new software. Keep you fingers crossed.
And I'll have you know, I DO have a flannel shirt. I just never wear it... I could be part dyke - I'm friends with all my exes and I know where the closest U-Haul is. *laughs*
I love this post, Sara.
Bil Browning | October 11, 2007 8:32 AM
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