Looking back, it is hard to really pinpoint one single moment as when I came out. I grew up in a small farming community outside of Orlando, FL (the town name literally translates from Indian to “The Big Potato”… Yikes!). For as long as I can remember, I liked boys. I was just always different. I had a crush on Luke Skywalker, sang and danced along to Debbie Gibson, and played with Barbie’s. I loved musicals, the solo-flex commercials with sweaty men, and fashion. Not exactly your typical farm boy.
Not surprisingly, this never really sat well with my family or the people I grew up around. I was always the kid everyone called “Fag” or teased for being girly. It seems everyone knew I was gay before I did. I struggled with the feelings I had for other boys and tried to bury them. I tried to date girls, pray it away, or act “more like a boy” by attempting sports. By high school, I was already labeled as the token queer, even though I continued to deny it.
My life really started when I was kissed by my first boy my junior year at a rehearsal for the school musical (God bless you, Rogers and Hammerstein…) and realized I couldn’t deny it any longer. It was like finally waking up and realizing who I was. I continued to deny it publicly, but privately started trying to find out all I could about what being gay meant, which was not an easy task in a small town where everyone knew everything about you. I looked online at gay websites and traveled to other cities to go to their public library to check out books on the subject. I became an undercover gay detective looking for some sense that I wasn’t alone in how I felt.
I finally decided to go to New York University for college, realizing that I could never be who I really was in my hometown. Going to the city opened my eyes to a whole new and, might I say, super-gay world. It was a magical place where being gay wasn’t disgusting or something to be ashamed of, but instead was just a part of everyday life. I quickly came screaming out of the closet at school and never looked back.
After my first year away, I decided to come out to my family. I just couldn’t stand not being honest about myself with them. I hoped they would accept me and it wouldn’t matter, but I was wrong. My mother cried and said we shouldn’t talk about it. My father, already estranged from my family, yelled at me and has not spoken to me since (10 years and counting). My oldest sister said I wasn’t welcome in her home since I was a sinful deviant. Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Only one of my sisters seemed unfazed and still talked to me like nothing had changed.
In the years since my coming out and the initial bad reactions, things have gotten much better with my family. My mother has accepted me and my amazing partner as full members of the family. My sister, who had at first disowned me, now wants us to be the god-parents of her child. My other sister, who is also married and straight, is heavily involved in the fight for LGBT rights because of her love for me. They have seen the positive changes in my life that have come from coming out and understand that I am truly no different, only more myself. They see that I am, in fact, better than I ever was when I was closeted.
It has been a long and difficult road at times, but coming out was truly the best thing I ever did and the most life-altering process I have gone through. I cannot imagine not being true to myself and who I am. I also cannot imagine my life without the love of my family. Luckily, I now have both.
Happy National Coming OUT Day!
Waymon Hudson, The Homo Politico, is founder and President of Fight OUT Loud, a national non-profit organization dedicated to helping LGBT individuals and their allies fight discrimination and hate. www.fightoutloud.org
Share
Like what you read? Subscribe to The Bilerico Project by Email.
Want others to read it too? Use the buttons and links here to share this entry with others. (Move your cursor over a button or link to learn more about it.)
5 Comments
« Step right up and cast your vote | Home | Paging Dr. Howard Dean »
Thanks for sharing your story, Waymon. Mine is quite a bit different.
I never had an attraction to other women but at 49 years old met a client that I worked with for 2 months. She was in the almost end stage of a 4 1/2 year relationship. At times during our meetings she would talk about the feelings she had about the relationship ending. Then, a couple of weeks later, something changed as I felt she was "coming on to me." I explained to her that I have never been in a same sex relationship and never had any desire to be with another woman. Over the course of the professional relationship she became saddened over various issues that were going on in her life, health, family (bible-toting fundamentalists) and work, so we talked about those, too. I am not a psychologist but we all have those life experiences we can draw on when someone is hurting. To get her out of the house we went out to dinner a few times and 1 day I started having feelings for her. After our professional relationship ended we met and my life changed.
I was very comfortable with our relationship. Came out to my daughter and some friends,all of whom were very accepting. Family and other friends I told on a "need to know basis," when we were travelling with them, etc. The weekend my parents were told was interesting. The entire family was going to visit my sister and her family. My sister knew, my parents arrived earlier in the day and we were stuck in traffic. My mother decided she would check all the hotel rooms to make sure they were OK. When they got to our room my mother noticed there was only 1 bed so my sister felt it was time to explain. She sat my 72 year old parents down and told them. My parents were both very cool with the explanation and have had no problems since.
3 1/2 years later they are still very accepting and introduce us as partners. My partner's family is still evolving. Although they have know she is a lesbian since her teenage years, given their religious background, it has taken a lot longer for them to totally accept our relationship, but they are "almost there."
Happy Coming Out Day to all!!
Dianne | October 11, 2007 9:22 AM
Reply to this comment
Our stories are similar... Small town - school fag - and bad reactions from parents. I feel for you...
Bil Browning | October 11, 2007 9:43 AM
Reply to this comment
We school fags should start a support group, Bil... :)
Looking back, it was rough. But it honestly made me such a stronger, more independent person at a much younger age.
I was 16 when I left for college (the typical geeky, introverted bookworm)and going to the "big city" really helped me become more comfortable with who I was.
As hard as it was to come out so young and get such negative reactions, it really was a huge turning point in my life and my personal growth. I think I am better for having gone through it.
Waymon Hudson | October 11, 2007 10:10 AM
Reply to this comment
HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!
Here's a great contribution from two lesbian women to commemorate the National Coming Out Day:
The Ultimate Coming Out - Wow!
You can also go directly to FaithoftheAbomination.com. Their story will be told in a documentary film. I feel this will be groundbreaking for the GLBT community.
T. Trist | October 11, 2007 3:31 PM
Reply to this comment
Thanks for posting this. Happy NCOD. -- Pip
Pip Gray | October 11, 2008 6:11 PM
Reply to this comment