I agree with you Eric. Being a queer person who opposes same-sex marriage, but supporting equal rights at first seems slightly oxymoronic. I have a lot of reservations about supporting a cultural move that would benefit only some of our community. I think the question of same-sex marriage is really a question of what we believe constitutes a family. One of the things that queer culture gave us pre-the same-sex marriage push was the idea of chosen families. Queer people started to create kinship systems that weren't based on marriage (an exclusive institution, any way you slice it), and rather chose kin based on love (romantic and platonic). Queer friendships that are intense, passionate, and unconditional, but not romantic are, I believe, the most queer thing we can do.

I think we should strive to create equal legal rights for families, biological or chosen.

Hmmmm...I never even thought of this possible outcome. But you're right, Eric, whether or not you get married should have nothing to do with "morality".

Do you see that split in straight society, Eric? That being married is worth more somehow? That's my only issue - that somehow being married entitles you to more benefits from the government in the first place...

As an open advocate in Indiana working against SJR7 (the so-called "Marriage Amendment" that would write the denial of marriage equality for gays and lesbian couples into our Constitution), I'm also interested in achieving such rights for myself and my partner. That having been said, I agree with Eric concerning the fact that to do so is espousing an option that heterosexuals have. I don't particularly buy in to the notion that to want marriage rights is somehow a surrender to an oppressive institution....my relationship, both before and after/without any legal recognition bears no resembelence to any stereotyped oppression (except when he keeps the TV on too loud after I go to bed sometimes). To us, a long term committed monagomous relationship by whatever name or whatever degree of legal recognition provides us with a high degree of happiness, contentment, and fulfillment in our lives, and I think many in our community feel likewise. But I certainly don't think that ought to convey a sense of smugness or superiority. I've seen my share of older single gay folks who are lonely and sometimes I wish for them my situation. But I've also seen plenty of folks who are really happy as they can be in whatever relationship, family definition, etc., or perhaps lack of it, that they are in. I suspect that despite all of that humans in general will always figure out some new way to create "Us versus Them" categories.....hopefully this isn't one of them, but I suspect it may be to some degree.

I thought about your post while I was going to bed last night, Eric. Here's all I came up with though (hey, I was tired!): The best family I have I made for myself.

I agree w/ BG, this divide already exists. The moralizers are already there and have published books that were read a long time ago - Andrew Sullivan and Gabriel Rotello among them - saying things like how being married is the "highest form of dignity" for people and that it "inherently punishes" non-normative sexuality and promiscuity in a good way. It was a big ol' debate back in the 90's that seems to have disappeared. Except on Bilerico!

And it's there in other ways, like those parents who now want everything to be fall under a strange definition of "family friendly", when I thought that was the whole point of being queer was to tear down such constructions. I guess I was wrong.

That's not saying that the institution of marriage is wholly responsible for such a divide, just that it's been the subject where a large part of this debate has formed.

Oh, well.

The 90s, Alex? Try 1978.