Dustin Kight

Long Distance Love Open Thread

Filed By Dustin Kight | December 04, 2007 6:36 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Living
Tags: Internet, lond distance relationship, love

In my 23 years I have been in many long distance relationships.

Some were of the puppy love variety. A girl I met a camp became a pen pal girlfriend. A boy I met online, who happened to live across town, became a long distance boyfriend when we stayed out too late one night and he lost his driving privileges.

Since college, my long distance relationships have taken on a more traditional form. Two people are together in one place, one person moves, and then BAM, you're in a long distance relationship!

Except there's not a whole lot that's "traditional" about the way we meet, make friends, communicate and keep in touch these days. And I'm thinking that all of this change affects the queer community a little bit more.

What are your thoughts on queer love and the long distance relationship?

  • Are long distance relationships more prevalent amongst queer folks?
  • Is there something secretly satisfying about distance?
  • Or do we find ourselves "trapped," for lack of a better word, by the relative smallness of our local communities, and thus reaching out for life and love in the Big Queer Yonder?
  • How much does the Internet play into all of this?

Let's discuss.


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As the saying goes in Venezuela, "Amor de lejos, amor de pendejo" or "Amor de lejos, felices los cuatro."

I feel that relationships need to be tended to both physically and emotionally in a consistent manner. Because of this, proximity is likely to be necessary. I just doubt that any man will keep his dick in his pants for an extended period of time; it is different if you've agreed to a non-monogamous relationship, though.

I have been in a long distance realationship for several years now.It's stil good we hook up using internet chat so it saves on phonebills.Shes a hemprodite and im trans so it can and does work out.You just got to make it happen.

Sorry, I'll be the one to say the obvious...

Long distance relationships never work.

My experience, my friends' experience, my relatives' experience - they all say the same thing. Never works.

LDR's tend to only work when they have to be that way that long, like a couple months.

But people do have physical needs....

That's usually what ends up destroying the relationship, Alex. It's very hard to keep a partner happy and secure in the relationship when they're constantly worrying, "Has so-and-so found someone new?" Everyone wants to have a partner they can physically see and touch - it makes it a lot easier to show affection that way. When it's missing there's no way to comfort the partner. And when those physical needs come calling...

I do agree though that LDR can work if the time period is really short and the couple has a history together previously.

It doesn't seem fair to say that long-distance relationships never work. There are things that can help - I know that for my boyfriend and me, when we both moved 3000 miles away, in opposite directions, and for a whole year, the knowledge that this was only temporary became crucial. Necessary? I don't know.

At any rate, I think Dustin's questions are interesting. I'd be interested to know whether gay people are more prone to long-distance relationships, or whether gender, age and class matter here. Part of the question must be, What gets us relocating in the first place, or what makes possible the pursuit of someone far away?