Sexy, sexy sex sells like sexy sex on a sexy day of sexy sexiness, or so a wise man once told me.
Part of being the "Managing Editor" around here is trying to get new readers to this site. I try to do what I can without compromising our integrity and goals, but I'm just going to let it all hang out here on a Friday night: getting a blog audience is hard.
Every now and then I feel like I should just stop having any shame and do what I know will drive up traffic: post half naked (or fully naked) pictures of men. The idea usually ends with me emailing Bil and asking him if he can think of a non-exploitative, inclusive, and respectable way of doing it. We have a good laugh and move on.
So maybe hot boy pics isn't the way to go. Maybe I should just start writing some original erotica for Bilerico:
I was driving home from a late night at some country bar. I only had like two beers, not enough that a cop should pull me over. Well, one did, and as soon as I saw those lights I thought, Oh shit. I pulled over and the cop came up and knocked on the window. It was two in the morning, and no one was on that road, so when he asked me to step out of the car, I was nervous. And then he pushed me down on my knees and came in my mouth.
Hmmmmm... that's not quite sexy. What with DADT in the news and all, maybe I should write some military erotica:
It was 7 weeks into bootcamp, and we were all a bit antsy from the lack of poontang. 7 weeks of working out, building muscle and camaraderie, all without any sexual outlet had me hornier than a rabbit on Sunday. So one morning, I went to take a shower, and my buddy Tex was already in there. Before I had a chance to say hi, he pushed me down on my knees and came in my mouth.
Well, that doesn't quite work either. I know that we have a lot of educated people who read this site, so maybe we should try a college setting:
It was my first year at State University, and they put me in the same room with the quarterback of the football team. I was a shy and skinny kid, and I never thought about doing anything with a guy. I mean, I'd never done anything with a girl either, but I knew I was thinking about them. Well, one day, I came home from class and he was hanging out shirtless in front of his computer. Then he pushed me down on my knees and came in my mouth.
Maybe I should work on my pacing....
But boy pics are easier to include with other content. Maybe I could include them like I did for this post, just randomly, apropos nothing. New study on gay parents, transgender teacher fired, and BAM! A boy pic!
You gotta hit 'em when they're least expecting it.
But if I do start posting boy pics like this on a regular basis, I should definitely Photoshop the words "Yummy" and "Delish!" on them and call them "eye candy". Because cannibalism is fucking sexy.
But I worry about alienating the women on the site if we started trying to appeal to the men's baser desires. I once suggested to Bil that we create a box in the middle entitled "And now something for the ladies." I don't know what would go in that box. Snoop Dogg videos? Pictures of Ruth Bader Ginsberg? That song "What a Girl Wants" by Christina Aguilera? That movie What a Girl Wants with Mel Gibson?
Obviously, I have no clue what I'm talking about. Although it's not really surprising that a gay boy would have no idea what to put into a lesbian box. (Bah dum. I'm here all night, folks!)
Thinking outside sex, I could also create a new handle or two here and pretend like we'd snagged some super-cool new contributors. Maybe a "Mary C.", a new lesbian mom from a conservative background. She could blog about gay Republicans, the joys of parenthood, and keep us up to date on The L-Word. Everyone knows she's got Shane-fever.
And when we receive the cease-and-desist letter, we could pretend we don't know what's going on. How were we to know that Mary Cheney actually does love Shane?
Hmmmm... that doesn't sound like a good idea. Maybe I'll just wait on selling out until I find a better way to do it. Posting boy pics just isn't my thing, but maybe I can start posting open threads to discuss the size of celebrities' genitalia.
Friday question: How big do you think Regis Philbin is? No telling if you know!
Or I could just stick with the trying to write better....