Alex Blaze

Getting blog hits, boy pics, and Regis Philbin's "manhood"

Filed By Alex Blaze | December 07, 2007 7:54 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: boy pics, Chad White, humorous blog post, Nick James, pornography, Regis Philbin, selling out

Sexy, sexy sex sells like sexy sex on a sexy day of sexy sexiness, or so a wise man once told me.

nickjames042.jpgPart of being the "Managing Editor" around here is trying to get new readers to this site. I try to do what I can without compromising our integrity and goals, but I'm just going to let it all hang out here on a Friday night: getting a blog audience is hard.

Every now and then I feel like I should just stop having any shame and do what I know will drive up traffic: post half naked (or fully naked) pictures of men. The idea usually ends with me emailing Bil and asking him if he can think of a non-exploitative, inclusive, and respectable way of doing it. We have a good laugh and move on.

So maybe hot boy pics isn't the way to go. Maybe I should just start writing some original erotica for Bilerico:

I was driving home from a late night at some country bar. I only had like two beers, not enough that a cop should pull me over. Well, one did, and as soon as I saw those lights I thought, Oh shit. I pulled over and the cop came up and knocked on the window. It was two in the morning, and no one was on that road, so when he asked me to step out of the car, I was nervous. And then he pushed me down on my knees and came in my mouth.

Hmmmmm... that's not quite sexy. What with DADT in the news and all, maybe I should write some military erotica:

It was 7 weeks into bootcamp, and we were all a bit antsy from the lack of poontang. 7 weeks of working out, building muscle and camaraderie, all without any sexual outlet had me hornier than a rabbit on Sunday. So one morning, I went to take a shower, and my buddy Tex was already in there. Before I had a chance to say hi, he pushed me down on my knees and came in my mouth.

Well, that doesn't quite work either. I know that we have a lot of educated people who read this site, so maybe we should try a college setting:

It was my first year at State University, and they put me in the same room with the quarterback of the football team. I was a shy and skinny kid, and I never thought about doing anything with a guy. I mean, I'd never done anything with a girl either, but I knew I was thinking about them. Well, one day, I came home from class and he was hanging out shirtless in front of his computer. Then he pushed me down on my knees and came in my mouth.

Maybe I should work on my pacing....

But boy pics are easier to include with other content. Maybe I could include them like I did for this post, just randomly, apropos nothing. New study on gay parents, transgender teacher fired, and BAM! A boy pic!

You gotta hit 'em when they're least expecting it.

chadwhite1.jpgBut if I do start posting boy pics like this on a regular basis, I should definitely Photoshop the words "Yummy" and "Delish!" on them and call them "eye candy". Because cannibalism is fucking sexy.

But I worry about alienating the women on the site if we started trying to appeal to the men's baser desires. I once suggested to Bil that we create a box in the middle entitled "And now something for the ladies." I don't know what would go in that box. Snoop Dogg videos? Pictures of Ruth Bader Ginsberg? That song "What a Girl Wants" by Christina Aguilera? That movie What a Girl Wants with Mel Gibson?

Obviously, I have no clue what I'm talking about. Although it's not really surprising that a gay boy would have no idea what to put into a lesbian box. (Bah dum. I'm here all night, folks!)

Thinking outside sex, I could also create a new handle or two here and pretend like we'd snagged some super-cool new contributors. Maybe a "Mary C.", a new lesbian mom from a conservative background. She could blog about gay Republicans, the joys of parenthood, and keep us up to date on The L-Word. Everyone knows she's got Shane-fever.

And when we receive the cease-and-desist letter, we could pretend we don't know what's going on. How were we to know that Mary Cheney actually does love Shane?

Hmmmm... that doesn't sound like a good idea. Maybe I'll just wait on selling out until I find a better way to do it. Posting boy pics just isn't my thing, but maybe I can start posting open threads to discuss the size of celebrities' genitalia.

Friday question: How big do you think Regis Philbin is? No telling if you know!

Or I could just stick with the trying to write better....


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I have the slight suspicion that lesbians will feel neglected by this post.

I thought this was hilarious, Alex. You've used quite a bit of our e-mails to make this post - especially the part about erotica.

Presidential politics getting old? Boy pic.

ENDA debate getting you down? Pic of animated lesbian sex.

What's next? I'm not going down that whole "Half naked Friday" thing you suggested all the contributors do... *laughs*

And I have to say - I don't like the boy on the front page. His abs make him look like a big snake or something. I dunno. Unattractive.

Yeah, that guy on the front page just reminds me of this, and though such images evoke many things in me, few of them are sexiness.

And yes, I was laughing through this entire post.

Alex and Bil, if flimsy excuses for gratuitous beefcake is your next trend, I doubt that you can out-Towleroad Towleroad.

Another problem is that you will be competing against those ubiquitous RealJock ads --- which you might say are ... hard to beat.

Bah dum.

The last time I clicked on one, he instantly forced me down onto my knees and came in my mouth.

Bah dum.

but then, if all these stand-up one-liners continue to bomb, guys, you might try switching to a different type of rimshot ...

BGS and Bil~

That's usually the problem I have with these sorts of pics - I don't find guys photoshopped to blandness in pseudo-sultry poses attractive! I know, I know, maybe I should return my G-card.

LOL, Allen!

Alex-

I guess this was not the best timing for my post on the Bishop Robinson (located on top of yours, which I know is the the set up for a joke...).

LOL...

No traffic for me since you covered your post in boy pics. Maybe I should have added a toe-tapping sex scene to it.

Sigh.

Waymon, have you ever heard this classic off-color limerick? Perhaps you could have used it (maybe changing "lady" to "laddie" and "Sue" to "Lou" for the good Bishop?):

There was a young lady named Sue
Who said, as the curate withdrew,
"I prefer the dear vicar ...
... he's longer, and thicker!
Besides, he comes quicker than you!"

(What she meant was, of course, that the vicar instantly pushed her down on her knees and came in her mouth ... Seems to be a lot of that going around lately.)

beergoggles | December 8, 2007 8:26 PM

And here I was hoping for a Pete Kuzak pic in there somewhere.

Hmm guys now for a hot looking girl and yes even a hot Trans girl would be nice to go with the boy toy for you guys LOL.

hehe or you can shamless plug check my Fubar.com blog for my new story im writing LOL if you want some nice ertoic fiction.

I bet Regis is hung like a jury.