Jean Mansel's Jesus statue has been stolen and is being held for ransom. An unknown neighbor made off with the 80 pound Christ because Mansel doesn't clean up after her four wiener dogs and left a ransom note in the mailbox. The note demands she clean up the befouled neighborhood to secure the statue's release. It's a complete howler and obviously written by a kid. (Text is after the jump.)
The best part? The woman's plea for Jesus to return unharmed. What's she going to do if he shows up 3 days from now with holes in his hands and feet and scratch marks on his forehead?
Is it sacrilegious to point out that apparently in Michigan the son of God is only worth a bag of dog shit? I don't know about you, but if I'd kidnapped Christ I'd ask for more - at least 30 pieces of silver.