Alex Blaze

LOLcats translates the Bible

Filed By Alex Blaze | January 08, 2008 11:56 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Living, Marriage Equality
Tags: Bible, kitty pidgin, LOLcats, trans

This may be the cutest blasphemy online.

Cute Overload found these ambitious kids trying to translate the entire Bible into "kitty pidgin". Genesis 1 starts out with:

Ceiling_cat_creates.jpg1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

Of course, I went through and found all the gay and trans parts, after the jump.

From the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, Genesis 19:4-9:

4 All teh drunc doodz went to Lotz place.5 Teh drunc guyz says to Lot, dood, letz bang teh guyz in j00r place. VISIBLE BUTTSEX!

6 Lot goez outside n close teh cat flap.7 He sayz, oh snap, don't do tat! ewwwww8 Lol U can hit my hot daughterz whu r virginz. Let me get em n we kan PENIS GOES WHERE? them. But don't do theze doodz, they iz in mah house.9 Aw Hellz nah. We iz gonna hit j00r door an hav lemmon party. ur gonna get raped fisrt.

And Leviticus 18:22:

22 No can has teh buttsecks wif teh mens. (hehe)

Leviticus 20:13:

13 Dood seches another dood liek a chic, killz both!


Romans 1:24-32:

24 So Ceiling Cat ses FIEN! BE DAT WAY!25 An so they wurship stoopid idols an not Ceiling Cat.26 An Ceiling Cat let them do bad fings and mani invisible errors. An they had ebil secks that wuz bad.27 Evrbody had ghey secks and stuffs.

28 Evrbody thot Ceiling Cat was stoopid, so Ceiling Cat let thm do stoopid stuff an they shuldnt do that stuff!29 Liek ebil wicked stuff an killsing an fites an lies an gosip.30 They iz prowd an meen an they hates Ceiling Cat.31 They dun keep promis, if they ses u can has cookie, an then eets it.32 They knows Ceiling Cat ses it r bad but they does it anywai.

And the trans parts, like Deuteronomy 22:5:

5 Ladeez no wer gais cloths, n gais no wer ladeez cloths. Ceiling Cat iz all liek, "OMG! do not want!"

And Deuteronomy 23:1:

1 Soz, leik, nowun neutered or if they has crushed harbls can enter The Ceiling Cat's house.

And everyone's favorite pro-gay/trans part (Matthew 19:12):

12 4 Sum r eunuchs cuz they wuz born dat wai; others wuz made dat wai by doodz; an others has renouncd marriage cuz of teh Kingdom ov Heaven. Teh wan hoo can accept dis shud accept it."

The other parts (like that line in 1 Corinthians) aren't translated yet. Help them out!

(I have to give a h/t to GodHatesFags.com for conveniently listing all the gay parts of the Bible in their FAQ. And h/t Autumn for the trans parts.)


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Am I the only person left on the web who thinks LOLcats are stupid?

No Bil, you're not...I've always thought this was one of the most utterly dumb web phenomenons ever.

I agree,LOLcats are kind of stupid.

Then again, I do love blasphemy, so this made me smile a bit.

:)

I can't believe that I'm the only one who loves something stupid!

I agree - it's totally stupid. But each time I read something in LOLcat I laugh because it's so cute.

I know, I have a dumb sense of humor. I fit in well in France.