Sara Whitman

Popular party

Filed By Sara Whitman | January 25, 2008 2:45 PM | comments

Filed in: Living, Living
Tags: child care, growing up, kids, parties, popularity, socialization, teenagers

The babysitter filled us in about Ben's desire to have a "popular party."

Ben's term.

He only wants the popular kids here. He was on his cell phone all night trying to arrange it- while Jeanine and I were out.

Hmmm. Popular party? I don't think so.

It hits a nerve. I was never very popular. Sure, I wore the shirts with the little alligator on them. I wore the topsiders. I drove a bright green Chevy Chevette.

Okay, that was NEVER going to make me popular.

But I was also a lesbian, knew I was a lesbian, and struggling to maintain my closet. I was asked to a popular party once. My good friend Suzy's younger sister- who was my age- was THE popular girl in my class. I was hooked up.

It terrified me. They would all know I was a lesbian and then tell the whole school and I would be so tormented even the AV boys wouldn't talk to me.

No way.

Now, I have to say, only Ben and his friend is interested in this party. She's a lovely young girl I have had the chance to spend some time with and... I'd say she has some issues around gender/sexuality.

Just like Ben.

I'm not surprised there are very specific lines drawn by the two of them- but I am dismayed. Would you not invite this friend or that one? Kids you've known since you were a toddler? Who determines "popular?"

And the reality, I know, that when you try this hard? You always fall hard on your face.

Stay tuned... I am going to have a conversation with him tonight.


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I always wanted to have a popular party too. Now I have one that goes on day and night! :)

Tell Ben it gets better and he'll be better off having a "good friends" party where he can choose among who he thinks are his best friends and who are just hangers-on. LOL

I can't wait to see how this ends up.

Very good post Sarah,
Acceptance is a big deal in those adolescent years.

I worked outside of he box..
Being one of those geeks who made her own niche and wasn't interested in the AV crowd.

All of my friends were older and most were adults while i was 15. When i mean adults i mean late 20's to 40+. School wasn't my social gig except for a three or four friends i had lunch with and
occasionally partied with.
The group i hung out with and was popular with were the local CB radio crowd more specifically a group that ran illegal radio equipment on the citizens band.

With this group of people i found my popularity.
those who were smarter then I and were developing the latest way to get some peace of gear into intended for use on CB were willing to share with someone interested in learning. Those who were less technically adapt were will willing to learn.

we all want to fit in to some group that recognizes us for who we are. in this group i found my friends and a niche where i could when i turned 24 could begin the long road toward complete transition and these people just accepted me for who i was and enjoyed my company and theirs. It was the beginning of a career that was very good to me and proof to me that the streight community is not the big bad mean monster some trans activists would make them out to be.


Take care
Sue