Michele O'Mara

50 Ways to Keep Your Lover: # 13-14

Filed By Michele O'Mara | February 01, 2008 1:12 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian, relationship, tips

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover. My post last Friday offered strategies 10-12, this week I am sharing strategies 13-14. Look for more strategies next Friday!

13. Treat Relationships as a Team Sport. Just like any successful team, each player has to take extreme care of him self and develop his personal skills and ability so that he has something to contribute to the team. When you partner in life, you are teaming up with another person to achieve a very important goal. Your team’s goal is simple: to help yourself, and your partner, becomes your best selves possible.

When you decide to invest yourself with another in a shared, intangible entity called a relationship, both you and your partner are affected by the choices you each make.

14. Turn Toward Each Other.
John Gottman, relationship researcher, outlines three options when it comes to communicating with your partner. When your partner attempts to communicate with you, either verbally or physically, you have the option to turn away from her, ignore, or pacify her with a response of indifference. You can turn against her and actually express outright frustration or anger at her for the interruption or her need for your attention. Alternatively, you can turn toward her and acknowledge your partner’s attempt to connect with you, by either engaging them in the moment or affirming your interest and offering an alternate time when you will be more available to engage with her.

Which do you think will produce the best result? I hope you said Turn Toward! Consciously turn toward your partner every day.

Michele O'Mara, LCSW


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Michael Crawford Michael Crawford | February 2, 2008 8:23 AM

Michele,

This tips are extremely handy. I am buying your book to keep for when I am in a relationship.

Mr. Gyllenhaal, Im looking at you!