Monica Roberts

I'm Pissed Off

Filed By Monica Roberts | February 26, 2008 10:50 AM | comments

Filed in: Living, Politics, Transgender & Intersex
Tags: African-American, ENDA, Monica Roberts, transgender, transition

I'm not a happy camper this morning. A little after midnight EST I received a long distance phone call from a dear friend, who proceeded to shock me by revealing how despondent she was over some accumulated negativity in her life.

Then after getting approximately two hours of sleep and praying for a successful resolution to her problems, I check my e-mail this morning and get confirmation that Gabrielle Pickett was killed in June 2003.

This is on top of the reports I'm getting about the New York HRC dinner protest that Joe Solmonese is alleged to have admitted during his speech that they planned to cut transgender people out of ENDA all along.

So this morning I'm in a foul mood, and I have to get over it.

But that's gonna be tough. This accumulation of events over the last few hours has restoked my dormant anger at being cut out of ENDA. I have been increasingly hearing more and more distressing reports of transgender people who have lost hope thanks to Barney's and Joe's ENDA BS. Some are taking their lives or contemplating it as a result of their despondency over this situation.

We have had an explosion of jurisdictions since September 2007 either cutting us out of proposed policy changes such as the Jefferson County Public School Board's gay-only expansion of JCPS anti-discrimination policy here in Da Ville, or attempting to cut us out of legislation like the opposition tried to do in Scottsdale, AZ, Montgomery County MD, and Fort Lauderdale. They attempted to use the negative precedent that Barney Frank set as an excuse to deny transgender people our constitutional rights.

Fortunately for us those attempts failed and those protections passed in all three locales (unanimously in the case of Montgomery County, MD). The Fairness Campaign wasn't able to reverse what happened in Jefferson County, KY despite having an inclusive law on the books for almost a decade, and the policy squeaked by on a 4-3 vote without us. Two JCPS board members reluctantly voted for it, and were not happy that transgender people weren't included.

I'm even more upset that the Forces of Intolerance in the Montgomery County, MD battle are using the Barney Frank crafted 'showers argument' as cover for their bigotry. These so called 'christians' have lied, cheated and obsfucated their way into collecting enough signatures in their attempt to force an election to overturn the new law and deny their fellow transgender citizens civil rights coverage.

Barney Frank has the nerve to get indignant when he gets rightfully called out by Matt Foreman and others for being the Grinch Who Stole Civil Rights. Joe Solmonese is getting huffy along with his alleged civil rights organization because they are justifiably taking heat for their decade long morally bankrupt position opposing transgender inclusion in ENDA.

And while these two (and other anti-transgender gay exclusionists) gloat over their no prize winning hollow ENDA victory and try to justify their actions with the bogus 'incremental progress' lie, my people die.

They are dying either by their own hand or at the hands of the haters out there who took your actions as a signal that it's open season on transgender people. I shudder to think about how many names we'll be memorializing during this year's Transgender Day Of Remembrance events this November. One thing I can say with certainty is that a disproportionate number of those names we read later this year will be African-American and Latina.

The way I and some transgender people see it, every transgender person since September 2007 who violently dies or loses a shot at gainful employment because of your reprehensible actions, their blood is on your hands.

I hope that Joe, Barney and everyone who donates money to HRC can live with that.


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Okay.
This is exactly why the TG movement has trouble
getting traction in the GLB communities.

I have been increasingly hearing more and more distressing reports of transgender people who have lost hope thanks to Barney's and Joe's ENDA BS. Some are taking their lives or contemplating it as a result of their despondency over this situation.
This is alarmist and in my opinion more then a little over the top.
The way I and some transgender people see it, every transgender person since September 2007 who violently dies or loses a shot at gainful employment because of your reprehensible actions, their blood is on your hands.

is it any wonder why the numbers of transitioned
Males and females in the TG community are so few.
This kind of overreaction does nothing to bolster
the credibility of the TG-Rights movement. Making rash statements without facts to back them up gives the TG-Rights movement's detractors plenty to laugh at.

It is this kind of acting out that has pushed me
away from the GLBT in terms of supporting any activism, and i am not the only one who feels this way. People are leaving the movement on a daily basis.

Can we just stick with the facts and dispense with all the drama?

Sue

This is no different a time than was festering in the 50's. This era, and the wanton activity, will be different from those who were denied equality being forced to the back of the bus, or hung from a tree.

This time the minority will be attacked in the dark, from behind in the classroom or playground, and at all levels denied equal access to something so simple as a public toilet. This is not something that legislation will fix. The National Guard and Federal Marshals did not bring equality. Legislation and paper writs did not bring equality. Is was the sacrifice of those who were willing to be beaten in the open on camera, shot, tear gassed and bitten by dogs and yet would not run. They would not run, go away, or be silent! They would not be quit, but instead sung all the louder. The equality was found in the tenacity to stand, and not accept the conditions of those who would be bigots and murderers. When they were arrested they refused bail, when released they went back to the picket lines. No compromise, no surrender!

Whether it is found on the steps of a school house in Selma Alabama, or in the grasses of Wounded Knee, South Dakota; equality is found in those who are willing to stand against the tyrants of hate.

I can appreciate those who picket HRC dinners, however HRC are not the ones who will bring us equality. They have shown that they do not, and will not. The Transgender, Transsexual, and Intersex are of no importance to the elitist gay movement as Barney Frank and Joe Solmonese have so clearly expressed. Just as they exclude us from inclusion to equality, I exclude them from having the right to act as representatives of Transgender. By their own words and actions as now in print and forever documented in the Congressional Record, they are of the very same ilk as those who wore black boots in 30's Germany, White Sheets in the 50', and shaved heads we see today. They are not to be trusted! Everyday I live in the bigoted world they promote.

If the Transgender picketed the capitals of the legislatures across this country, .... If the Courts where murderers of the Transgender are tried were picketed,.... If jails of injustice were picketed,... If TV stations were picketed,... If the medical/insurance corporations had to face pickets?

What if we could gather as one force with a common voice and not surrender to some other agenda or groups power scheme? And to do so, and not go away, but be there with signs, letters, and vigilence,...... Then, perhaps, equality.

No one should dismiss or belittle the threats and danger. NO ONE!

Michael Bedwell | February 26, 2008 1:51 PM

Great balls of fire! While we have sorely disagreed about other things, I rise for a standing ovation for the common sense Sue expressed AND her courage in expressing it here! And I am shocked that Monica was the author of such an hysterical outburst that is the most extreme example I've yet seen of countless extreme rants on the ENDA civil wars of last year. I'm sorry about Gabrielle Pickett’s death, Monica, but your post hoc ergo propter hoc indictment is no less a logical fallacy because of it.

Further, your "version" of the facts is no more accurate because it has become the "received wisdom" of several people. As Lucy told Charlie Brown, "Snow does not fall up," just because you and your allies keep saying it does.

I have repeatedly had to defend to other gay men the inclusion of transgender rights among those gay men and women should be fighting for. Had to explain over and over that the reasons both groups are discriminated against, brutalized, murdered have the same basis. Their ignorance and selfishness, as all ignorance and selfishness, angers be. But no more than the conscious dishonesty of those who attempt to reduce the actions of HRC, Barney Frank, et al., to their “opposing transgender inclusion in ENDA.”

You can scream, you can cry, you can demonize whomever, you can boycott, you can threaten suicide, but it will not change the REAL truth that what they opposed was nothing more than submitting a version of ENDA that would fail, reinforcing the precedent of it failing before, thus weakening its chances to pass in the future. That very LOGIC and INTELLIGENCE was the reason that Tammy Baldwin submitted a trans-inclusive amendment for its symbolic value alone and then withdrew it before the damage of a failed vote could be done. I asked once where Baldwin subsequently is on the Trans Party Line Love-Hate Rating and never got an answer.

Possibly you aren’t old enough to remember that the hot button of privacy in shared private places such as bathrooms and group showers was NOT an invention of Barney Frank. I don’t know who first brought it up, but I do know that—hard as it might be for younger people to believe—it was one of the MAIN reasons that ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment failed. That cunning harpy Phyllis Schlafly used to constantly talk about how the ERA would mandate “unisex bathrooms where homosexuals and lesbians would rape, pillage, and fill-in-the-blank. [The last state, BTW, to vote for ratification was Indiana.] Not only did Frank not originate that “weapon,” he also isn’t saying that he agrees with it when he talks about it—he’s simply trying to get the denser among you to understand the irrational fears and ruthless tactics of those who DO use it as a weapon. But, hey, he disagrees with your concept of legislative tactics so, ipso facto, he is the Devil. And, we must not forget he had Vince Foster killed!

You may think that the Stalinist tactics of some in ENDA United are going to advance the goal of transgender equality that I share with you but you are sadly mistaken. “Burning the village in order to save it” didn’t work in Vietnam and its not going to work in Congress, state legislatures, and our combined communities either.

I agree with Monica Roberts 100%, because you cannot agree at any higher of a percentage than that. I have also had to bury friends because they took their lives for being dispondent and depressed after being unemployed for 1, 2 or even 3 years. These were TRANSGENDER PEOPLE! And, if Sue doesn't like it or gives a damn about them, all I can say is "TS," and that doesn't stand for "transsexual."

Sue and Michael Bedwell,
I really don't care what you two think. Right now I'm in a war to save someone's life, and the facts are that like my friend, the ENDA mess has played a role in why she feels the way she does.

So whether you believe it or not, Barney and HRC's morally bankrupt actions have resulted in exactly what I posted about.

Politcal actions (or lack thereof) have real consequences in people's lives.

This reminds me of the days when AIDS was bursting onto the scene. You had ACT UPpers screaming that the government "has blood on its hands" and then you had the "don't rock the boat" people that thought they took it too far.

Politics is personal. As it should be.

"This is alarmist and in my opinion more then a little over the top."

Actually, I'd say that canard is much more applicable to the following:

"is it any wonder why the numbers of transitioned
Males and females in the TG community are so few."

You are right, Bil. I know many gay men who have buried friends and loved ones because of HIV. Monica and I have also buried friends, for the same reason and the reasons Monica pointed out. We cannot help but feel it is personal. We just cannot help it.

And, if anyone tries to minimize our feelings or try to point out how wrong we are, they get a dose of what you witnessed here. We don't judge a friend based on their gender identity or sexual orientation. The word "friend" is all that matters.

[B]ut it will not change the REAL truth that what they opposed was nothing more than submitting a version of ENDA that would fail, reinforcing the precedent of it failing before, thus weakening its chances to pass in the future.

ENDA, in either form, had little chance of passing the Senate and absolutely no chance of passing a Bush veto. Everyone agrees on that. So the arguement that HRC and Barney Frank were concerned about submitting a bill that wouldn't pass is completely invalid, because they did in fact do just that.

Furthermore, there is no evidence that a trans-inclusive form of ENDA wouldn't have made it just as far as the stripped down version did. Especially if it had the backing of Barney Frank and HRC.

As for setting a precedent, the only precedent that has been set is one of cutting trans folks from gay and lesbian legislation.

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Michael Bedwell | February 26, 2008 4:22 PM

Typical, Nick: A combination of a self-important but phony mind reading act, predictor of the future [is there a special Trans Psychic Hot Line?], and misrepresentation of the objective facts.

“ENDA, in either form, had little chance of passing the Senate and absolutely no chance of passing a Bush veto. Everyone agrees on that.”

Last I read, neither version had been submitted in the Senate but Sen. Kennedy still plans to submit the House version. So who exactly is “everyone” who “agrees on” what you said about something that hasn’t happened yet either way?

“So the arguement that HRC and Barney Frank were concerned about submitting a bill that wouldn't pass is completely invalid, because they did in fact do just that “

HUH? Read this slowly and out loud if it helps: “Pass” is not the same as “signed into law.” OF COURSE, the dumb fuck in the White House won’t sign it, and there aren’t currently enough votes to override his veto. DUH! But the version submitted in the House DID pass.

As for alleged responsibility for anyone committing suicide solely because of “the ENDA mess”—I respectfully submit that those feelings are far more the result of the DISTORTIONS of what happened by the egomaniacs behind ENDA United than what actually occurred. What responsibility do THEY have for falsely declaring that the sky had fallen? Romeo killed himself because he THOUGHT Juliet was dead. Then she killed herself when she awakens to discover what he’s done because of her.

Maybe it’s time for those who have enjoyed gorging themselves so much on self-righteousness over being INTENTIONALLY wronged when they were NOT, who have luxuriated in playing victim and in becoming leaders of a self-generated martyrs movement should do just that—wake up. “Barney Frank hates us transgenders! Hate Barney Frank! Feel miserable, depressed, suicidal!!!! Rend your garments, pull out your hair, mark your faces with ashes, and cast yourselves upon the pyre of self-pity!”

The fragility of anyone gullible enough to believe that did not begin with the fights over ENDA legislation strategy. Perhaps, Monica, before further fueling the flames that might lead to self-immolation, you should pause and focus on change and hope. In all of our interactions with each other, in private and as public as blogging have the same imperative as the physician:

First, do no harm.

Just an FYI, this friend I'm speaking of is POST-OP.


Michael - you're mixing you metaphors. One can't be both Stalinists and Sgt Calley's.

And no Rep. Frank didn't invent the canards you discuss. But he used them many times. I can tell you he made those statements in the press when asked about the Philadelphia Gender ID Bill, then followed them up in writing. I still have the letter.

And yes this is personal. When I lived in Boston I had known both of these women who were murdered. And yes many of us died and helped out during the worst days of the aids crisis. No one excluded us from volunteering then.

Your puposeful mischaracterizations won't derail full inclusion in enda. They only strenghten our resolve. Thanks.

To the two Monicas...

It is apparent guys haven't figured out that drama doesn't attract positive attention.

By the way has anybody figured out why HRC went after Susan Stanton as a TS spokeswoman? I knew it all along.

Face it HRC has more political savvy in their perspiration then the entire Transgender community and all of it activists, Most of which i might point out do not live full time or have their legal names changed.

Is it really any wonder that members of congress have turned away from the "transgender community"

It's no wonder to me why the old guard has moved away from a label that contains the words trans and sex.

Some of the TG's who supported TG-Activism are seeing the light and moving away from the politics of drama and centrism. Moving toward a mainstream orientated view of activism. We might even see the return of Paleo-Transgenderism.

That would truly be refreshing for those of us who have been out since the early eighties.

Sue.


I repeat Bedwell, I don't care what you think, because usually, you don't.

To quote an old R&B record, you're talking loud and saying nothing.

Call me when you spent a decade of your life, your vacation time, your personal time and get awards for handling the GLBT and African-American community's business.

Then you'll have the standing to feebly attempt to criticize me.

Monica Roberts i wonder why you didn't mention that in the first place. Not that it would make any difference since my comment was regarding your delivery of the message and the drama surrounding it. I do find it curious that "fact" was left out.....

Michael
You may find
This Editorial Peace interesting and enlightening

Many in the TG community have not gone so far as to have court ordered name changes let alone be seen in public.

Sonce someone brought it up.
THis is what separates Old-Guard TS from the newbies of 1990. When the term TG is mentioned you are talking about Three Groups.

1. crossdressers and closeted transgenders.
2. sex workers and part time transgenders who identify as Non-Op Transgender.
3. Transsexuals who have changed their legal name started hormone replacement therapy and had Sex-reassignment surgery.
All of the TG-Activists are Non-Op and a surprising number of them are full time, On the Internet.

The HRC went after Susan Stanton because she represents the third group, those women who were borne with a female brain in a male body.

Michael is it really any wonder the TG activists are all up in arms and upset.

Just as a side note Most all states deal with Post-Ops as borne females.

Take care
Sue


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Being out since the eighties doesn't (and will never) make you right. Take for example a list of the very screwed up transsexuals who have been out since the sixties. Lynn Conway, Renee Richards and Wendy Carlos. I know others less famous ones who exhibit the same internal hatred of who they are, or have the same negative attitudes toward others not like them. Some used to be my friends . . . until they transitioned in the eighties. The psychologists screwed them up big time.

People who have started transitioning all the way into the eighties were lied to and fed a line of BS from the gatekeepers, so they could create a line of mindless drones that believed the doctor's s-word didn't stink. The transsexuals back then were forced to jump through more hoops than a white tiger at a Zigfreid and Roy show. The word "forced" was the primary word in that sentence. Brainwashing is what it was. You want surgery, you have to do what I say or forget it!" The brainwashing was so strong that people were willing to kiss the ground they walked on just to get surgery. I know one woman who after ten years finally realized she was a lesbian, because the doctors wouldn't allow lesbian MtF trans women to transition.

That ain't the case today. WPATH has made it better for those transiting today. We can think for ourselves. We can accept others, regardless of where they fall on the surgical path. We don't put people down because of their financial situation or their medical situation. We don't call trans women "men" or Mr." to put them down like others do, because of whether they can get surgery or not.

I wouldn't be bragging about coming out in the eighties. It was the Dark Ages of transsexualism. By bragging about coming out then, you give the rest of the trans world a bleak picture of your mindset, a picture you seem to have no flexability on. Being a transsexual is the only thing where "time in grade" has a reverse affect. For the most part, the most mentally healthy trans people are those who started after 1991. It's a trend I've seen for the last decade.

"Face it HRC has more political savvy in their perspiration then the entire Transgender community and all of it activists...."

Don't you have that backwards? HRC's 'political savvy' seems to consist more of perspiration than activism - or anything else.

"By the way has anybody figured out why HRC went after Susan Stanton as a TS spokeswoman?"

Because HRC wanted to extend its record streak of underachievement?

Monica Dear..

Take for example a list of the very screwed up transsexuals who have been out since the sixties. Lynn Conway, Renee Richards and Wendy Carlos.

They all have jobs and know when to go with the flow. They (with the exception of Conway and you forgot one Ann Lawrence.) They don't whine poor me and try to push some deconstructionist dogma on the 95% we call the general public, or the mainstream if you prefer. The only hatred of who they are comes from the likes of you, those of you who are Non-Op and want the same privilege Post-Op's have.

Real Life 101:
Males have privileges
Females have different privileges.
That is called life.
Get Accustomed To it.

People who have started transitioning all the way into the eighties were lied to and fed a line of BS from the gatekeepers, so they could create a line of mindless drones that believed the doctor's s-word didn't stink.The transsexuals back then were forced to jump through more hoops than a white tiger at a Zigfreid and Roy show. The word "forced" was the primary word in that sentence. Brainwashing is what it was. You want surgery, you have to do what I say or forget it!" The brainwashing was so strong that people were willing to kiss the ground they walked on just to get surgery. I know one woman who after ten years finally realized she was a lesbian, because the doctors wouldn't allow lesbian MtF trans women to transition.

You have anything to support this?
I would love to see it, and so would everybody else here. Because it doesn't exist and your just spouting tranny dogma.
Where is the Beef honey.

We did think for ourselves we as females trapped in the wrong body wanted to become a part of female society and not some imaginary third sex construct.

Monica dear
The nice thing about coming out in the eighties was people just accepted you for being trapped in the wrong body. They didn't think it was some kind of sick choice like those on Jerry Springer.
Life was easier in those days for those of us who were women trapped in a male body.

Since the eighties there has been scientific evidence to prove that environmental factors not sexual choice was responsible for our need to transition. see
Transsexual Symposium International

Something you don't seem to understand Monica dear..
Being Transsexual as Harry Benyamin and his research defined it back in the even darker ages has more to do with being borne in the wrong body, then someone who is just making a choice to live an alternative lifestyle.

What you don't people to know is you and your ilk co-opted the word Transsexual to legitimizes your lifestyle. The sad part is you didn't have to do that people in the eighties were okay with the word Transgender as it applies to someone who didn't want to change their documentation and physical sex.
As i said before most transgenders never bother to change their documentation they keep their male names for safety sake.

Why don't you folks start telling those around you the truth?

Sue

Michael Bedwell | February 26, 2008 6:35 PM

"Call me when you spent a decade of your life, your vacation time, your personal time and get awards for handling the GLBT and African-American community's business. Then you'll have the standing to feebly attempt to criticize me."

Oh, thank you so very much for enlightening me [and everyone else]! Fool that I am I had no idea that the right to comment upon your public pontifications depends upon credentials, even "standing" which is a legal term for those unfamiliar with it, i.e., you have no relationship to the issues and people in this case so get the fuck out of my courtroom! But we can’t help finding it curious that a T tells a G that he has no “standing” at the same time you’re whining about alleged effort to exclude Ts from teh combined movement for equality. Just saying.

Yet I hear you now: Truth, Wisdom, maybe even "the American Way" is the sole possession of you who have seen the Burning Bush AND GOTTEN AWARDS FOR IT!

We assume you mean the immediately preceding ten years, so we could say that, following your "after this therefore because of this" reasoning, that transgenders were taken out of the ENDA bill because YOU FAILED; that you couldn't have been doing a very good job of “taking care of the business” of at least Ts if it developed into such a civil war. If you’d been doing your job, members of Congress would have demanded protection for Ts be included and Bush fils would have signed it, distributing pens to you and other representatives of your tribe. IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT! One could say that but one won’t.

One could also say that as much as you and others want to think it actually amounts to a civil war when it was little more than a huge hissy fit with gay media attention to it in inverse proportion to actually how few LGBs agree with your twisted take on reality and your demand that gays and lesbian commit political suicide pour toit, er toi. But one won’t.

But one must ask, should someone transgender take his or her own life because of the self-loathing you are, in fact, indirectly encouraging—how will your next plaque read?

And since you have so eagerly fallen under the spell of “the man behind the curtain,” we offer another Ozian reference:

Don’t start posing for any statues now.


OMG....all of this hatred.

Bottom line, we won't have Civil Rights in the LGB community unless there are civil rights for LGB and T.

HRC lost many supporters with their stance, and Barney Frank lost a lot of respect.

Sue and Michael, remember this:

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.

Micheal.
well put;

The truth is TS have so wanted out from under the Transgender Umbrella they have reinvented themselves and have divorced themselves from the word "Transsexual". The Non-Ops (translation Transgenders who love their male privilege and wish to invade women's spaces)

I go back to my earlyer question..
Why did HRC court Susan Stanton.
Answer:
Because Susan Stanton is a Real Transsexual.
A man trapped in a woman's body with a medical condition. Stanton represents the majority of us who transition and woodwork ourselves in society.

For US the civil rights battle is almost over except for a few hold out states, we have the right to marry, along with all the other benefits of mainstream society.

At the last WPATH confrance a paper was presented to justify the redefinition of people who were once known as transsexual and reclassify them under the term Harry Benjamin Syndrome. This group is actively lobbying for this redefinition of terms to disginguish the differences from Paleo-transsexual and Neo-transsexual.

The Monicas don't represent the majority of Transitioning and transitioned women in any way shape or form. They are in a word, "Different".

Take care
Sue


Sue,
What planet do you live on?

The civil rights battle is almost over? Try again.
We can not marry, we have no protections, and people, including children are still being killed over their gender expression, sexual orientation, etc.

We are all "DIFFERENT".

How do you know what is a representation of a majority of Transitioning and Transitioned people? You do not even know what the status of the LGBT community is in this country.

Woman shut up until you know what you are talking about!

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How do you know what is a representation of a majority of Transitioning and Transitioned people? You do not even know what the status of the LGBT community is in this country.

Woman shut up until you know what you are talking about!

I do know what i am talking about.
Perhaps you should try living on this side of the Moon for a while.

-----------------------------------
Monica Helms Honey..

It's good that you are not like me.
You couldn't cut RLT in the real world.
You would commit suicide if you had to transition.
It's hard work and one must be able to with with people in mainstream life not fight with them.


Sue

I have transitioned. You going to start calling me names, next? SOP. I think Cris asked a good question. What planet are you from? Wait. I know. It's the seventh from the Sun. (Look it up.)

i have better things to do then call you names.
your not that important dear.

Sorry i am not the one breathing methane.

Why don't you just let it go and accept the fact you and your ilk don't represent all of us not even all of the transgenderists.

By the way you would find me and others of my kind more in your favor if you stopped insisting we were all men. And don't hand me that being a man is different then being male crap i don't buy any of that deconstructionist crap.

Like Frank Zappa said
"look here brother
who you jivin with that cosmic debris
Look here brother don't you waste your time on me"

Sue

I remember a Trans friend calling me in the middle of the night.

I remember that call like yesterday.

At the time I was staying with a Trans-man as I had no where else to stay. What makes a call like that so difficult is that I too, only a couple few months before had half of the Southwest Trans-community looking for me, as I too had been dark times. I had been living previously in a trailer park with abandoned trailers riddled with bullet holes. Twice every night the border patrol came though shaking the place for illegal’s. There I sat, three days with a loaded gun, in the dark with the windows covered. I know the thoughts, fears, and hopelessness that sometimes smother those in transition. Had not a knock on the door brought some light in, well......

I remember like yesterday this voice who in desperation was screaming for an answer. She overcame her moment that night and transitioned. However, life was not the release and freedom she had hoped for. Her relationships, work environment, and friends all seemed to evade her inclusion. Time and distance took us in different directions; her fragility escaped me, and she on her second year after reassignment took her life. I received a call in the middle of the night from another trans-sister of the loss. She was found hanging, she died because she was all alone. Her death came, and no one was there, she was gone and no one knew. In the last decade several girls I knew have passed; inside I feel gray and cannot cry. I have come to accept it, like combat, the toll of battle. I guess it is kind of a sense that one has when they could be next. Even to this day others I know who have packed brass have the look. We can see it in each others eyes, but there are no words, no tears.

Then for some crazy reason tears just burst out, and flood my heart with a terrible sense of loss. Times like now. When I see the Transgender berating and beating each other; not understanding that each of us are so very different. That Transsexuals have issues that may not apply to others who choose different ways to live. That a cross dresser may have no understanding of what a Transsexual has to endure. And that there are so many differences between the gay, men, women, and those who are in between, rejected, or not wanted. Then to see the Transgender fighting among each other, to hear words of cruelty, and words of disparagement. It is too much.

I am outraged at the concerted and planned effort by the militant gay elitists who have planned their actions for selfish gain. Their leveraging and strategy at the expense of those who are born with burdens that have no relief. And then add the senseless ranting against each other over their status and validity is beyond comprehension. In comparison to the “normal” world and society none of us are valid. All of us are freaks and face expulsion from a role within the workings of this worlds established business and culture.

I remember the phone call that night, the shaky voice wanting an answer to her pain. I wish I could have given her something that would have given her reason to survive to today and not the short two years. I think of those who have fallen in a dreary hotel room, were beaten to a pulp and tossed in a dumpster, and found floating in the icy waters. I hear their voices clearly.

I can hear the cries of a mother who gave her child $2.00 for a ride home, a ride that ended elsewhere. Regardless of the character or struggles that may have hung over that young soul, the tears are not felt by HRC, Barney Frank, or in fact among the comments seen here.

Monica Roberts has every right to be pissed off. I am pissed off too, as I have sat in the back room of political traders and suffered through the politically corrupt who care for nothing but their own selfish selves. What is transpiring is not by accident, nor is it less than what has been planned.

I can remember that phone call and others like it, as if it was yesterday. And some nights the faces come out from the shadows wanting an answer, for which I have none.

Two dollars and it is not enough to make the way home…… I am pissed off too!



(So while I was writing the previous post, a friend who walks, barely, with crutches and is struggling sent this!)

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be
there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there
would be 10 moments of sadness?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to
tell them how you felt?

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.

Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how
close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends
you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have
NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you and always will.

In times of trouble, In times of need, If you are feeling SAD,

You can count on me.
I will give you a wink,

Until you smile,

give you a hug,

And stand by your side.

I'll be there for you till the end, I'll always and forever, be your
friend!

Please find quotes from me where I insisted we were men, or even you were a man. Put up or shut up. Seems easy to find, if I ever said it. Remember quotes and links to where we can find them. Your personal opinion or insistence does not qualify.

Prayers for your friend, Monica R.


Stellewriter

We all do need friends, they are there for us and we are there for them. Yes i have told my friends how much they mean to me. I make sure they know it since one day nearly three decades ago one of my friends signed off after a long conversation we had on the CB radio and was never heard from again.

By the this was written by me a nearly blind woman who on top of successfully dealing with her poor vision all her life who also had to deal with being borne in the wrong body...
in spite of all of that i conquered those roadblocks to life and had a very successful electronics career.

Good quality of life doesn't happen you have to make it.

and yes life isn't fair, nobody ever said it was suppose to be. It is the unfairness in life that gives reason to excel.

Sue

Monica you called me a man here remember?
The thread is in the archives.
You called me a male it is the same as calling me a man.
I would ask you Mr. Helms not to do it again.

Sue

I am so tired of this crap.

I just finished watching the debate, read through the comments here, and what do I see?

Essentially this:

"You called me a man!"

"No, you called me a man!"

"No, you did it first!"

"No, you did!"

Grow the hell up people, and I mean everyone. What, are we all 8 years old here? Is this the commentary that's worthy of this site or of what Monica wrote about? I don't think so.

There are many excellent well-written comments here, but the conversation is marred by these stupid and childish digs at each other's gender being thrown out here.

And no, it's not about who started it. Those who responded in kind are just as guilty and just as childish. This kind of stuff is exactly why we and our issues are often not taken as seriously by others as they should be.

There's plenty of worthwhile issues to debate and discuss here, as evidenced by many of the comments above. Let's keep it on-point. This isn't grade school, folks.

We're all intelligent adults who care deeply about the real issues or we wouldn't be here. How about we act like it?

I am tired of it also
You folks can kindly take your transgender construct and stick it where it will do the most good.
Susan Stanton was right.

Sue

Stick a fork in me I'm Done.

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Perhaps I didn't make myself clear Sue...I meant YOU, among others.

Drop it. Now. No apology. No nothing. This crap ends now. If you can't keep it about the topic at hand, then STFU.

Wow, just, just wow!

Don't make me step out from behind Becky... Ya'll know how I feel about these things. Can't I leave ya'll alone without someone picking a fight? I feel like I'm in an endless episode of Muppet Babies lately.

Knock it off. Play nice.

Becky is Nanny. Monica Roberts is baby Kermit in this example - she's the star. You wanna chat? The topic is hers. Becky rules the nursery though...

Thank you, AirMonica for "airing" you feelings on losing your friend in this article. Blowing off steam in words is much safer than putting your fist through the wall, and more your style. You can imagine how the community felt here in Atlanta when someone finally found the grave of my friend Alice, with the headstone that had her male name on it. Yet, she had her name legally changed years earlier. We are discussing to see if we can get it corrected. It maybe an uphill battle. My prayers go out to you and the family of your friend.

Monica Roberts..
Many of us have lost friends who were not borne to be men but borne to be trapped in a man's body. unfortunately the most dangerous part of town in SanDiego is the gay ghetto of Hillcrest. Many of us have found that the safest place to be is in the straight community being the women we are. We don't have to fight the dogma that exposes us to violence and possible death ether by our own hands or by the hands of others.

Susan Robins

I think shining a light on the problems and perils that the transgendered face everyday is something that has needed to be done for a long time. We can not let the light fade on the injustices and discrimination faced or on the dangers that transpeople have to put up with in their every day lives.

When lives are at stake, I think a little drama is needed, to focus peoples attention on the issue of hatred and transphobia. Saying that the blood of the poor victims of such hatred is on the hands of the ones who have sought to deny us our rights as citizens is not an exaggeration.

Just as I blame Bush for the unneeded deaths of thousands of US soldiers and Iraqi civilians, I blame Joe, Barney, and the religious right, for fostering an atmosphere of hatred and fear against the trans community. The implicit message that we are not good enough to be included in ENDA just embolden those arrayed against us.

I don't blame you for being pissed off Monica, for I have been for awhile. We all should be.

"Being out since the eighties doesn't (and will never) make you right. Take for example a list of the very screwed up transsexuals who have been out since the sixties. Lynn Conway, Renee Richards and Wendy Carlos. I know others less famous ones who exhibit the same internal hatred of who they are, or have the same negative attitudes toward others not like them."
=======================

I'm not aware of hatred towards herself or any with gender variant experiences that may differ from her own in Lynn. Indeed - this type of hate violence is reported on regularly on her site. Oh - she hasn't been out since the 60's. She trasitioned in the 60's, but was outed in 1999 or so.

Life is drama.

The transgender community was lied to and betrayed.

We have all lost too many friends.

This blog is out of control.

Have I mis-stated any relevant facts?

Just an observation...
it always comes down to if you don't agree with me you hate yourself and who you are. Simply in every case not true.

-----------------------------------
jerindc
How was the transgender community lied to in relation to this article?
Every group is lied to at least once.
I don't understand that, but then i am not Trans-anything so please help me to understand.

Sue


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Beating up on a well known and respected woman of transsexual history is not off topic then?........where is the STFU now?

Lynn Conway didn't drink the TG kool aide so she is evil or at best out of touch. Well consider this, about a year ago I was also at the same dark place as Monica Roberts' friend.......because of those who demonized me so much they were totally destroying the life work I had dedicated all my resources in the world towards and all my energies for the prior five years. I was nearly left homeless BECAUSE of those I tried to help from being there themselves and the wedge issue used was..........you guessed it, I was an evil post-op separatist nazi transsexual bitch. This, of course, is proof of my worthlessness as a human being.

I cannot help but wonder how many others didn't bounce back from the same sort of attacks. Blood on the hands?, some here need look no further than at the ends of their wrists. Two of the house trannys here have already tried to use that against me. It might benefit those posting here to every once in a while reflect that at the other end of the internet tube is a real live feeling human being who in many cases has been all the way to the depths of hell and back, sometimes more than once. Some of us don't dare show weakness, that in no manner does not mean we have not been deeply deeply hurt, offended or worn out by the hatred directed at us.....by those who claim we are part of them.

What I love about the feminist movement is you actually can disagree with someone on even core issues and neither side feels the need to totally destroy the other, hell you can even have a nice lunch together while discussing it.

"jerindc
How was the transgender community lied to in relation to this article?
Every group is lied to at least once.
I don't understand that, but then i am not Trans-anything so please help me to understand."

Sue, Monica Roberts commented on Frank and Solomnese' failure to honor the commitment to support only a trans-inclusive ENDA. I am sure you are aware of that. And understand it. So why feign ignorance?

You appear to want to argue with anyone who has an opinion. If their opinion is the same as yours, you will then change your opinion. What do you gain from all that? Why? Do you dislike everyone or what?

We in the transgender community have an entire world out there that would just as soon pretend that we don't exist and that we don't deserve rights. In many cases if they admit that we do exist they will argue that we don't even have that right. They would just as soon see us dead. Why should we help them? If we don't love ourselves and each other, who are we? What are we? All of this bickering needs to stop. Yesterday. Name calling. It's pathetic. We are sisters - and brothers - and it is about time we started acting like family. If you can't be nice, zipper it up.

Jeriindc is right. The name calling really threw me for a loop, when I read it. I know we all have different experiences and thoughts. However, there must be some common point that all can agree on.

jerindc,

I have had much more harm done to my life BY the trans community than ever came from the greater world. If I die violently I suspect it is more than ten times more likely at the hands of some crazed transgender than a religious bigot......I never received an actual death threat from a religious bigot but I have more than once from a TG. I've never been stalked by a religious bigot or homophobe, I have been by those who see me as evil incarnate for disagreeing with their personal genderless wonderland I want no part of.

That's the reality I live with. We are NOT sisters and brothers and the TGs make damn sure women such as myself NEVER forget it and never have a seat at the table where we can actually speak.

Sigh...y'know, tonight's my show and I'm doing prep for it so I'm not following here as closely as I normally would.

I see we've gotten off-track again. Consider this a final warning. Today, I've got no time for this. Later tonight or tomorrow, should this continue, I'll be asking some hard questions regarding those to still refuse to keep this discussion relevant to the issues at hand. Those who don't wish to be a part of that discussion, I'd suggest keeping it relevant and on-point.

If you can't play nicely, children, you'll have to go sit in a corner.

Shee...

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My point, and a TOTALLY ON THE TOPIC ONE, was before accusations of blood on the hands are thrown around, some need to wash it from their own hands first.

What I'm hearing in reply is more shut the f**k up if you disagree with me...with further threats.

Ban me, I literally don't give a crap and expect no less from your type.

I want to request a truce for some information.

What are the different types of TG/TS, etc. I am at a loss to understand what some of you are referring to. I guess I have been away for a long time.

And yes that was off topic. My bad!

Keeping with the topic;
Those of us even those of us who have lived in less then privileged neighborhoods have done well as long as we stayed out of the sex industry.
I know of a white TS who entered into the sex industry in order to put a meal on her table...
She isn't here now, she could have worked at McDonald's, she would still be alive today if she did.

There are two sides to the TG/TS life only one gets a fair hearing here. Nobody gives a damned about those who suck it up and start their lives all over in legitimate careers. While i might have my own issues with Lynn Conway, She deserved to live her life in peace and some bastard had to ruin that for her.

That is just as bad as some pervert offing a TG who feels they have to work in the sex industry to make a decent living.

Sue

Cathryn and Sue, I don't hate you. I don't think anyone in this blog does. What they probably do hate - and I say this because I do - is all of the hateful comments and bickering. And they don't start or end with either of you, at least not exclusively. At some point in time we are all guilty, myself included. We all need to at least try to be more thoughtful towards each other.

Rebecca, give Aviva a big hug for me, and take good care of her, please? I won't be able to listen tonight - I have a commitment. It would be great if you could archive the show. Thanx...

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And now that I'm off the air...

Sue, for Goddess' sake get off it! Your "poor, persecuted me" act is wearing thin. Yours too, Cathryn.

I've made my point, you've chosen to ignore it.

Whatever happens next, I don't know, but there will NOT be a repeat of this. I shouldn't have to make threats in order to get people to behave like adults.

Y'know, we don't ask a lot here. We don't censor opinions, but I don't think it's too much to ask people to keep the comments about what the original posting is about. If you do, then go find another place to comment. This crap is not appropriate for this site. There are plenty of places for you bash anyone who disagrees with you to your heart's content.

You want to call that censorship? Go ahead...I really don't care at this point. What it is is completely off-topic and irrelevant and has no place in this particular discussion.

This is a discussion about hate crimes. Can't you put your personal issues on a shelf for five minutes even for that? Are you really so self-involved? If so, then maybe this isn't the right place for you. We talk about issues here, and we don't get personal.

The rules are simple:

Please be respectful of others. We reserve the right to delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, uses excessive foul language, is exceptionally incoherent, includes a homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or other slur or is soliciting and/or advertising.

If you can't follow even these basic rules, then go away. I mean it. I've had it with this. If you can't behave like adults and participate as such then we don't want you here.

To paraphrase Dr. McCoy, I'm a writer and a radio talk show host, not a nursemaid. I'm not going to be one anymore. This is a place for intelligent and adult discussion. If you can't conduct yourselves like intelligent adults, then go somewhere else and don't come back.

Seriously.

I rarely comment here because of the open anti-woman of transsexual history bias......when I do I can count on a response such as yours that includes insults and yes, your response is full of insults of both mine and Sue's maturity and intelligence.

The subject was not only hate crimes but the effect continued abuse and negativity directed at individuals can have......I addressed those points directly. Abuse and "hate crimes" occur WITHIN the community as well as outside it. You turn my discussion around to accusations of both of us being victims....a classic blame a victim for complaining about being victimized and continue to single the two of us out when Helms was off topic at least as much and in my opinion more than either of us was.

You make my point better than I did.

Well put and accurate.
Thank you Cathryn.

I am so glad not to be TS or TG if this is the way those people have to act.

Sue

a_black_transguy | March 3, 2008 4:02 AM

Mike–you’re full of hot air. It’s unsettling to think that you “advocate” for trans people, most likely without the same verbiage you devote to defending Barney & Friends, when clearly you’re satisfied with separate and unequal treatment of persons like myself. Reminder: “reactionary trannies” are the reason there was a Stonewall. Trans people mothered the push for equal rights. Excluding trans people from ENDA in the name of so-called incremental progress is just as odious as making your mother sleep in the barn until it becomes “convenient” and “timely” to invite her inside.

I’m sure you’ve read the thing, so why can’t you discern that ENDA is a crappy excuse for a second-hand political pacifier? You can drive a truck through the loopholes left in the last version of the bill. Newsflash, passage of ENDA as it stands is a shot in the foot. Sure it’s something… something that could easily end up being the shackles on real equal protection. Put your glasses on.

Being out since the eighties doesn't (and will never) make you right. Take for example a list of the very screwed up transsexuals who have been out since the sixties. Lynn Conway, Renee Richards and Wendy Carlos. I know others less famous ones who exhibit the same internal hatred of who they are, or have the same negative attitudes toward others not like them. Some used to be my friends . . . until they transitioned in the eighties. The psychologists screwed them up big time.

I don't know what Helms means by "being out." While one of the above is well known as being a post-op, she prefers not to have it mentioned. Another was not out at all, until someone did some research on her work in computers, and then outed her against her will. And the third, Renee Richards, is someone who it is questionable whether they should have had surgery.

No, Helms seems to despise anyone who has successfully transitioned and gotten on with their life. This is sad. This seems to be a major dividing line between the gender fascists and those who insist on calling those of us who disagree "gender fundamentalists."

Some transition to be normal. Others transition to be anything but normal. And yet, the latter group simply cannot comprehend why they are treated badly by many in society.

Self-hatred is not a problem for those who have simply transition and moved on with normal lives. The ones who are truly self-hating are the ones like Helms, who project their hatred on anyone who is remotely successful.