Fannie Fierce

Left Wanting

Filed By Fannie Fierce | February 08, 2008 2:16 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, dating, Fannie Fierce, relationships

Dear Fannie,

I've been dating this guy for the past 2 months or so, but we're not "in a relationship" yet. We've been "dating around," but it's mostly been him seeing other people. I feel like we're really good together and I want to move our relationship to the next level and see each other exclusively. How do I move from his sometime guy to his all-the-time guy?

--Wanting More

WM,

I hate to break it to you... but it sounds like there's a disparity in how much each of you is invested in this relationship. You're obviously committed to making this thing between you two grow into a long-term deal. But that kind of commitment is only useful if it goes both ways. It sounds like you're being dragged around like a love-sick puppy. While I'm sure when you're together it's great, when you're apart, I get the feeling the object of your affection won't object affection from his other beaus.

My advice? It sounds like you're a giver. Which is awesome, the world needs more givers. The problem with givers is that they have a tendency to forget their own needs and are all too willing to shirk their desires/dreams/needs in exchange for their partners/dependents/colleagues/etc. It's a simple game of supply and demand. You're offering up a surplus of love to this guy, and right now, it looks like he has more than enough love coming in than he can handle. If he wants you, make him work for it! I'm not talking about playing games with him, I'm talking about making him come to you for once. He should want to see you as much as you want to see him. If he doesn't... than dump his ass and find someone worth your affections. Plus, some away time will let you get some perspective on the situation.

++
fiercely,
fannie

send your questions to askfannie@belowthebelt.org


Recent Entries Filed under Living:

Leave a comment

We want to know your opinion on this issue! While arguing about an opinion or idea is encouraged, personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of others.

The editorial team will delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, exceptionally incoherent, includes a slur or is soliciting and/or advertising. Repeated violations of the policy will result in revocation of your user account. Please keep in mind that this is our online home; ill-mannered house guests will be shown the door.


Great advice!

It's totally not playing games to ask that the other person come to you instead of the other way around. When you're always the one calling, then it can make you feel like that crazy stalker, no matter how much the other person says she's into you.

I've tried to make it work with a guy I always had to call, and it wasn't worth it in the end. Then again, he was the one who cared about exclusivity, not something I'm really interested in in general....