Rebecca Juro

Living A Second Life: Rising To The Top

Filed By Rebecca Juro | February 10, 2008 4:25 PM | comments

Filed in: Media, Transgender & Intersex
Tags: BDSM, Internet, Second Life, transgender, transsexual

(The first two parts of this series can be found here and here)

I’d finally reached the point in my experience with Second Life when I felt comfortable enough within it as an individual to really start exploring the outer reaches of my psyche and try something I’ve wanted to experience for some time but never had the courage or sense of security necessary to do in real life.

I’d been interested in the idea of power exchange play in SL for a while by then, but had found little or nothing about what I was looking for in the few searches I had done to that point. Then one day while in-world, I saw a Mistress leading a male slave on a leash at a fetish mall while I was shopping for dance outfits. Sensing an opportunity, I decided to throw caution to the wind and ask her where she and her slave played. Her response started me on an adventure during which I would learn that you can, in fact, find just about anything you want in SL, if you’re willing to dig deep enough.

I’d been making fairly good money at the dance club, and had a decent amount of Lindens in my purse by this point. The landmark the Mistress had given me led me to a small but well-visited sim where women rule and men are slaves, in many ways the opposite of the numerous Gorean-themed sims found throughout SL. This first sim I visited was interesting, but as someone totally new to the experience I found it a bit overwhelming as scantily-clad men by the dozens threw themselves at me and basically begged me and the other women there to abuse and beat them. Knowing I wasn’t quite ready for this, I decided to teleport away and do a little more research before exploring further.

My decision turned out to be a smart one. I first looked for more information on the web, but found very little specifically about being a Mistress in SL. Logging in, I did some more searches, visited a few more sims, and discovered that not all of these places were quite so hardcore as the place I’d first been to. Many of these sims took a somewhat lighter approach in general, operating under a strict female supremacist social order, but not requiring or even expecting that this be enforced through the public use of overt BDSM or other physical discipline techniques. I found I was more comfortable in this kind of atmosphere, where the male avatars were respectful and subservient to the females but violent hardcore BDSM play was restricted to certain designated areas in the sim, away from the places where most tend to congregate.

I learned a lot at this sim and became more and more comfortable in the role of a dominant woman as I spent more time there. I also found I had my own particular interests in this kind of roleplaying, and they were not exactly the same at all times. While I’ve enjoyed my time at the Queendom of Bouddicia, and still go back there frequently mainly because I enjoy the people and the atmosphere there, I also found that there were times when I really did want to play the role of a hardcore, violent, and utterly man-hating bitch, mainly just for the entertainment value, though I’d be lying if I said that playing such a role hasn’t helped me to emotionally work through a few real-life issues with men every now and again.

One day, I discovered by chance that a a new sim was getting ready to open in SL. This place is structured as a hardcore “femdom” (female-dominated) monarchy, and the roles fit into an overall female supremacist theme and social and political structure. I found this to be an interesting concept, and so one day, while the sim was still being built, I teleported in to check it out.

After touring the sim and meeting the slave who served as the sim’s secretary and chief administrator, I found myself not only attracted the whole idea of being a part of such an elaborate femdom roleplaying sim, but eventually I was offered and accepted a job there. In this role, I serve as a Mistress, one of the women who dishes out abuse and punishment to slaves as the mood takes me, but I also serve a very specific role and purpose within the sim’s roleplay and political structure, a role which I am intentionally not going into in detail about in the interest of privacy.

Everyone who works at this sim fills a specific role in much the same way as I do, as do many submissives (subs) who come to us and pay to fill a formal submissive role at the sim. These subs generally receive more attention from the dominant ladies than those who simply join the sim’s group freelance and simply show up to play whenever they feel like it, but the demands made upon them in properly fulfilling their roles as “official” slaves are not insignificant. This place is for truly hardcore femdom roleplayers, and therefore the rules and requirements imposed on those with formal roles in the sim, and particularly on the subs, reflect that kind of intense dedication and level of interest in the sim and what it’s about.

In many ways, the place is a fairly large femdom playground, but it’s also much more, allowing participants to delve deep into the roleplay aspects of femdom, sometimes more intensely than those who submit themselves to serve as slaves probably expect. Many visit us once or twice and then never return, perhaps finding the place too hardcore for their tastes, but others find a place for themselves there and become extremely loyal to the sim and to their place in its roleplay. I too have found that I enjoy my time there, as well as the added advantage of getting paid for being there, but I also frequent Bouddicia for the lighter and friendlier atmosphere as well as for the people there.

As you might imagine, I tell no one that I’m a transwoman in any of these places. For one thing, it’s no one’s business unless I choose to make it so. For another, it just gets in the way for me in SL and it’s not how I wish to be seen in-world. I’ve visited SL’s Transgender Resource Center several times and I’m sure I will again in the future, but that’s just something I choose to do every now and then when I’m in the mood. I’ve also found that many of these submissive men want to serve what they see as “real” women and would probably not take kindly to discovering I wasn’t born female. Since there’s generally no advantage in being up front about my RL transsexual status and plenty of potential negatives in doing so, I usually choose to just keep my mouth shut about it. My whip hits just as hard and my tongue is just as sharp as any other woman’s, and there’s nothing to be gained by potentially destroying the roleplay experience for someone by volunteering that information without a very good reason.

I do find this kind of roleplay emotionally satisfying in many ways, and I’m able to indulge in it without incurring any of the risks which might accompany the experience in RL. When I’ve had enough, I simply log out and I’m done. No messy real-life situations or relationships to deal with, no real bodily harm to worry about, no lingering emotions or other issues which transcend the roleplay scene. In a lot of ways, it’s all of the best parts of femdom and BDSM powerplay without any of the negatives.

I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about why I find this kind of thing so interesting and attractive. I’ve never had any interest at all in being submissive, it’s only the role of a dominant which I find appealing and enticing. I suppose a lot of it is wrapped up in being able to insert myself into a situation where I’m completely in charge in all ways and where I can allow myself to indulge in certain emotions and attitudes which would be completely inappropriate elsewhere. I can allow myself to personify these aspects of my psyche in this kind of scenario without bringing them into the real, non-virtual world, or even elsewhere in SL. Despite all that however, I’ve also become interested and involved in the more moderate and, dare I say, positive aspects of femdom, and this interest has now progressed to the point where I’ve taken on a personal submissive, who I’ll refer to here as B.

The relationship between B. and I is quite new, barely more than a couple of weeks old as I write this, and is completely unlike the kind of femdom practiced at the sim where I work. I guess the best description is that of a loving, respectful domination relationship, where I am unquestionably the dominant partner, but my role is not that of abuser and humiliatrix as much as it is of protector and leader, and B. is not a plaything to be tortured and humiliated as much as he is a faithful and obedient servant. We have begun exploring some BDSM scenes together and are learning what works for each of us, but the core of our relationship is one of deep mutual understanding, respect, and trust rather than aggression or any sort of true negativity. B. is the only person in SL who I have a femdom-related relationship with, and one of the very few in SL at all, who knows I’m transsexual. The level of trust between us is deep enough that I knew telling him the truth would not be an issue because I know him well enough to understand that he sees beyond such things, and because knowing that he understands that I do not wish this information shared with anyone else is enough for me to be completely confident that he will never reveal it to anyone.

All of this, of course, is still quite new for me. I’ve never really had this kind of personal relationship with anyone before, and now I have it with a man, no less. B. knows I’m lesbian and that I have no interest in men sexually, so he makes no overt moves in that direction, and yet, at the same time, I feel an affection for B. in a way that I’ve never really felt for anyone before because of the unique nature of our relationship. In all honesty, I’m still discovering what that really means. While we haven’t really discussed it in detail, I believe that B. has far more experience in femdom than I do since he skillfully guides me when he senses we have encountered something I am new to or inexperienced in.

As B. and I learn more about each other and what we seek from our developing relationship, I find myself becoming a better and more effective dominant, taking more control as I become more confident in both my own abilities and knowledge as well as in my understanding of B. and what he wants and needs from me as his Mistress. I do strongly suspect that B. wishes I were not lesbian, but I also believe that if there were any man to whom I might one day find myself willingly giving myself physically and emotionally it would be him. Will that day ever come? Right now, I don’t see it happening, but for some reason I can’t seem to comfortably use the term “never” here, so take that for whatever it’s worth.

For someone who started her SL experience as a veteran online gamer looking for something really new, I’ve found that in spades in the virtual world so much like and yet completely unlike our own that is Second Life. At once, I find myself looking forward to continuing down the path I currently find myself, and at the same time wondering what new and unexpected experiences await me in the future in this place.

While this may be the last part of this series for at least the immediate future, I think it’s highly likely that I will eventually find myself adding new chapters to this series as I continue to explore the seemingly endless variety of new frontiers and experiences which await me in Second Life. It can certainly be reasonably argued that this virtual world has the potential to find oneself “sucked in”, but thus far I’ve been able to maintain a reasonable balance between the demands of my life in the real world and my desire to spend time in this virtual one.

Second Life isn’t where I want to live my entire life, but it’s certainly a place which I enjoy visiting as often as I can. It’s cheaper than a tropical island or even a local club, it doesn’t require packing, a long plane trip, or even a car ride, and best of all, it’s there for me whenever I want or need it to be at a moment’s notice. All things considered, I couldn’t ask for a better, more satisfying vacation from everyday reality, especially since I can take one whenever I need it and still be ready to go when reality calls the next morning. When you get right down to it, it’s “Fantasy Island” with an on/off switch. How could anyone ask for more?


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It sounds interesting. I have enjoyed your series on your sojurn in Second Life.

Great info I may try the place but online folks when they find out im a "Tranny" are more open than when I dont tell them.If you dont tell off the bat in your id what you are the online folks tend to peg you as a male player real fast.Also stay the hell away from Gor those folks tend to be nutso the slave girls are ok but the socalled masters runway fast! A girls best defense in Gor is to become a Panthergirl so you can arm and defend yourself.

Winks yes I have run into these folks in the chats I have and currently go to.Though I usaly hang with the pagan crowd in chats and yes many there are also into the D/s lifestyle so I have become friends with D/s folks through our mutal pagan connections.So go ahead admit your a Trans Gay or Lesbian or even Bi upfront and youd be surprised at how open folks can be online but offline they can be just as closed mined.

I dunno...personally, I find the whole trans thing just gets in the way. Being a transwoman is who I am in my first life, and I really see no need to bring that to SL in any real way. If there were a compelling reason to do so, I'd consider it, but at this point I just don't see one. The only exception to that is when and if I find myself developing a personal relationship with someone in SL and want to be completely honest with them, but that's really only happened twice.

I did tell someone once early on, one of my sexual partners, and she did not take it well. Given that, I believe that it's just not worth the hassle or the risk unless I have a very good reason for doing so.

I think it depends on who you hang out with as im in the very early stages myself stil more male than female in my looks.The pagan communitties tend to be more accepting in general then the larger communitty same with the d/s groups.