Jeanine is coming home today.
I have really missed her. I've missed being near her, touching her, sleeping with her, but mostly? I've missed talking with her. Not to but with.
We actually talk now. Not just about stuff and details of getting everyone to the right place at the right time, but about our feelings.
Our life together. Our future.
It's so strange.
I'm nervous about how well things are going. Before Jeanine left for the week, I decided I had a crazy wife.
Or maybe she was sneaking anti-depressants.
She had been... sweet. Genuinely happy. Funny. In a great mood.
And present. In the moment. Right here, right now.
Jeanine has never been like that. A feeling was something you had to pry out of her and sitting around and talking about them was a fate worse than death for her.
It's everything I've ever wanted from her and it's scary.
Maybe she's a pod person.
I know why. We've worked two long, hard years on this. We've both wanted to leave, we've both hated each other and ultimately we've both made a ton of compromises to make this work. There have been so many times when I thought it would just be easier to start over again with someone new.
When I look at people I know who have, I see them dealing with the same shit in the new relationship. Just different boobs.
If I couldn't figure it out with her, it seemed my chances were pretty good that I'd end up with the same issues.
This change feels fragile but I know better. It's come from willingness and desire. She'll fall back and be a jerk. So will I. But we've reached a new place, one we've never been at before. We know how it feels to be here.
We know. We've actually talked about it.
And tonight? I can't wait to talk about it some more.
Well... not JUST talk...