I'm 21 and just beginning to explore the gay world. I'm lucky enough to have two really good gay friends who are helping get out and about in terms of exploring my gayness. The other night we went out to a gay bar and I ended up making out with this kid. I really shouldn't have, he's really young (18! And still in high school!) and I'm not really interested in him in the long term sense. But he keeps texting me and calling me! What should I do? Do I tell him that he's too young, or should I lie? How do I get him off my back!
--Thanks But No Thanks
Saying No... gracefully!
First off, welcome to the softer side, I think you'll find it to you liking. So you went bar hopping and hopped onto a tawny twirly twink, but now you can't get rid of him. TBNT, have no fear, this is probably the most common occurrence in bars/clubs in general. People look a lot better and perhaps like much more viable options during one's drunken delusional fog... but once the fog has cleared and that damn cricket on your shoulder starts scolding you, it can be awkward to right those 3am wrongs.
I hate games. And, boy are gay men good at games. The requisite wait time after getting a number, the texting, and the worst: the "come here, go away" game. Games are petty, stupid, and best saved for middle school crushes. They have no place in the big girl/big boy world of bars and alcohol-induced fluid exchanges. So don't play them because that's just sending out shitty relationship karma.
I've always been a fan of honesty. But there are different kinds of honesty: Flat out, unspun honesty where you just tell it as it is, and then there's the more nuanced, pragmatic, and humane honesty. Telling the kid that you're just not interested seems harsh and "you're too young" sounds like a cop out. That's why I opt for the ever successful, "I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready to date" spin off of "It not you, it's me." It succinctly closes the door and makes you look like a saint. A saint that just got his ass dumped, but a saint nonetheless. And no one likes to kick a puppy while it's down, so use the pity angle to your advantage. This way you save the unfortunate victim of your post-vodka-&-tonic-tongue-tango from the cold harsh truth of "I'm just not into you." Plus, it's not a complete all out no. It leaves things open for the future. No need to go burning bridges, especially in close-knit communities like the gay one... where everyone has slept with everyone's ex, and gossip travels faster than the speed of light.
Hope that helps!
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