Bil Browning

Ted Haggard is NOT completely heterosexual after all

Filed By Bil Browning | February 06, 2008 9:05 AM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch, Media
Tags: Christian beliefs, Colorado, ex-gay, fundamentalists, fundies, hypocritical motherfuckers, meth, Mike Jones, New Life Church, Ted Haggard

No matter what the catchy little ditty we posted months ago says, Ted Haggard is finding the road to straightdom a little bumpy apparently. What was in my inbox this morning? A quick note from my friend Joe about his post "Haggard Quits Re-Straightifying Program."

Poor Ted. He just can't catch a break can he? He quits straight-rehab and his old church lets the country know as if he's a sex offender. (Well, have you seen the guy that outed him? Mike Jones? Sex and meth with Mike? Maybe it is an offense - to bad taste. But, hey, when you're in the closet as far as Ted, you'd sleep with a blind dwarf with a hairlip as long as he kept it quiet...) Seriously. New Life church put out a press release to tell us he'd quit.

Sad, isn't it? Go read the release and Joe's quip at the end. I'll ask his question over here too - "Should we be alarmed by the prospect of Haggard finally coming out, however unlikely? Would you welcome him to the family?"


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Am I the only boy out there who thought Jones looked kinda sweet? Sure, I wouldn't hire him, but he seemed like a nice boy.

And, yeah, I'd welcome Ted to the family. Shit, I'm sure we'd let him guest-post his coming out story front-page here!

Brynn Craffey Brynn Craffey | February 6, 2008 2:12 PM

Am I the only boy out there who thought Jones looked kinda sweet? Sure, I wouldn't hire him, but he seemed like a nice boy.

Aw, Alex, you're just a hopeless romantic!!

"Welcome" Ted Haggard...? No, I don't think so. Unless he publicly apologized first in a high-profile way for all the dreadful gay-hating stuff he's participated in over the years.

Ye Olde Fart | February 6, 2008 5:34 PM

Andrew Sullivan had a pretty good take on this today.

Am I the only boy out there who thought Jones looked kinda sweet? Sure, I wouldn't hire him, but he seemed like a nice boy.

Sweet? Wow. Not the word I'd have used to describe him. Not at all.

"(Well, have you seen the guy that outed him? Mike Jones? Sex and meth with Mike? Maybe it is an offense - to bad taste. But, hey, when you're in the closet as far as Ted, you'd sleep with a blind dwarf with a hairlip as long as he kept it quiet...)"

I'm rather surprised and disappointed to read such a "lookist" and "ableist" comment among the otherwise characteristically high standards of Bilerico. "Blind", "dwarf" and "hairlip" are, IMHO, inappropriate terms of derision. Haven't we as GLBT people learned that superficial physical differences, even if only expressed in words, can be a way of brutalizing and abusing each other?

You're welcome to find Mike Jones physically unattractive, to yourself, but I think you weaken your point (and insult Jones) if you assume that everybody has your tastes in men. Apparently enough people found Jones physically attractive for him to maintain an escort business for 30 years.

While you didn't touch on Mike's other qualities as a human being, I'd like to say that I've read Mike Jones' book, heard several interviews with him, a book signing event, and know one of his friends in Denver. Jones strikes me as an honest, and caring man, his friends calls him a "sweetheart".

I also think Jones is very brave and that we owe him gratitude for what he did. I doubt that Haggard's first gay liaison was with Mike Jones. But none of Haggard's earlier boyfriends (if any) in Indiana or at Oral Roberts University spoke up pubically. Jones did.

To me, it is all just too funny.

And now, his church outs him for quitting the "recovery" program.

Just too funny.

Bet MacArthur | February 13, 2008 1:30 PM

Your use of an imaginary disabled man as an example of someone one would have to tolerate, in desperation, as a lover was a shock, horribly insensitive, and quite revealing of the boundaries of your cultural ignorance. Where have you been? Under a rock? You excoriate another man's hypocrisy while exposing your own. Maybe, as an apology, you could add "disability phobic" or "ableist" to the list of slurs you claim to prohibit. Alternately, you might post a list of every other kind of person you personally find disgusting, be honest about it, and invite your readers to do the same? Now that would indeed be enlightening.