Alex Blaze

Just me, or is Chuck Norris kinda dim?

Filed By Alex Blaze | March 26, 2008 1:30 PM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch, Marriage Equality, Media, Politics
Tags: Chuck Norris, sodomy, Thomas Jefferson, Townhall

Chuck Norris's column this week is rather funny if you share in my sick sense of humor.

He lays out three items, one on each guns, God, and gays, and asks how crazy we've become because we aren't doing what Thomas Jefferson thought we should be doing on each of these items.

Yes, that standard-bearer of morality for 2008, Thomas Jefferson. And somehow Chuck Norris has the power to read his mind as well (did he roundhouse kick the concepts of space, time, and reality to gain that ability?).

So let's go straight to what he says about the Day of Silence:

Is encouraging or teaching about homosexuality what our Founders expected for the public education system they started? Even the most liberal among them opposed it. For example, Thomas Jefferson drafted a bill concerning the criminal laws of Virginia, in which he proposed that the penalty for sexual deviance should be unique corporal punishment. Jefferson's views were indeed representative of early America:

"Whosoever shall be guilty of Rape, Polygamy, or Sodomy with man or woman shall be punished, if a man, by castration, if a woman, by cutting thro' the cartilage of her nose a hole of one half inch diameter at the least." Can you imagine a statesman proposing such a law today?

While I'm not, of course, espousing such treatment, I do believe that we equally and adamantly should oppose such aberrant sexual behavior from being condoned or commemorated in our public schools through textbooks or a so-called "Day of Silence."

Actually, I could imagine a "statesman proposing such a law today." Maybe it's because I don't suffer from Perpetual Homophobe Victimhood Syndrome.

Seriously, though, what is he espousing if not the sort of treatment he quoted Jefferson advocating? And can he not see the difference between rape and consensual buttsex? (Why is it that conservatives always have a problem seeing the importance of consent?)

Then there's that troubling statement about how the Founders "started" public education, even though states didn't have public schools until the mid-1800's and the public school system didn't take its modern form until the early 1900's.

And who died and made Jefferson king? The dude also owned slaves - should we reinstate slavery, Chuck Norris? And it's not like Jefferson is really a standard-bearer when it comes to keeping sex in the confines of marriage, either....

I realize that this is the same sort of textual fundamentalism, the belief that one person's interpretation of an exalted text can provide for everyone's morality, that the Right loves using with regards to the Constitution and the Bible, except twisted a bit because Chuck Norris just isn't all that smart. But he's a columnist on Townhall.com, so if they love his work enough to hire him and visit that site enough to make it one of the top conservative webpages there is, we have to wonder about their collective intelligence.


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Thom has said so very many things:

“I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature…..Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make half the world fools and half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth.”

Thomas Jefferson, in his Notes on Virginia


He went so far as to rewrite the Bible:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jefferson_Bible

"In essence, Thomas Jefferson did not believe in Jesus' divinity, the Trinity, the resurrection, miracles, or any other supernatural aspect described in the Bible.[2"]

And - in the same document that Walker, Texas Sociologist quotes:

"Slaves guilty of any offence punishable in others by labor in the public works, shall be transported to such parts in the West Indies, S. America or Africa, as the Governor shall direct, there to be continued in slavery."

But this might be fun - perhaps we can hear from other fictional characters from the past to complement Walker. Captain Nemo? Huckleberry Hound? We've already seen how well Arthur Branch did when he stepped off the little screen.

I guess it's hard when you're too old to play the action hero - you have to exercise mental muscles that had long ago atrophied.

At least it opens a whole new area for Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris is so stupid..............


Not to mention, Alex, that all those Founding Fathers did such a wonderful job dealing with the Native Americans. The FF did come up with some far-reaching political innovations, and they should be credited with such. But in many ways, they were ethnocentric, stubborn, unthinking, culturally brainwashed Europeans --- and far too often, their attitudes toward people who were different from them in any significant way belies this.

Perhaps the founders of the public education system did not foresee that someday the unifying school of thought integrating anatomy, zoology and genetics would be evolution. Similarly, they probably didn't foresee that Relativity would be so essential to understanding cosmology. But their lack of such foresight does not mean that these subjects should not be taught. If we view sexual orientation as a subset of the world of psychology, the same perspective applies.

Calling Chuck Norris "kinda dim" is like calling Ted Turner "kinda rich". His only worth these days is as a overused Internet meme.

Yet another example of a celebrity saying something stupid.

Chuck was great as an action movie hero. I got to admit to enjoying many of his movies, thrilling to the fighting moves, the thrills and chills of the car chases and gun fights.

He should stick to projects like "Lonewolf McCade" or "Invasion USA", and let others handle the thinking.

But what do you do when you're a washed up action movie star from the 70's? Clint Eastwood has kicked his ass in the whole, "I have a career beyond just shooting a play gun and pretending to punch someone."

Apparently he's decided to go the same route as other conservatives... Take his ever growing irrelevance and use it to become a mouthpiece for the religious right. Hey, it's where the money is!

In my humble opinion, President Jefferson was one of our most brilliant founding fathers. He is also the founding father who from their own writing one can glean that he was a seriously tortured man and far from perfect.

Moreover, many historians have pointed out time and again when ever the religious zealots start pointing out "old" sodomy laws ,that they are completely lacking any contextual or historical acumen.

Sodomy in archaic terms refers to male rape, not that of consenting adults. Just as same-sex marriage has existed in this country in the form of the "Boston Marriages" of the 19th Century and the outright lie of "This is a Christian nation" (see the "Treaty of Tripoli" for some interesting insight) they have rewritten historical context to serve their bigoted purposes yet again.

The religious zealots who constantly rewrite history do so at their own peril. Christianity has reached its modern zenith and is in the decline. Its power base slipping, as more and more scholars both secular and theological expose the zealots utter misinterpretation of biblical texts and their sloppy translations, we might see another reformation in the vein of Martin Luther and the ushering in of a new age of reason.

In my humble opinion, an open letter to Chuck Norris/zealots in general pointing out their poor grasp of history and utter lack of intellectual honesty would be a most appropriate counterpoint.

All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

Hail the flying spaghetti monster!
(Allison told me to say that...)

The problem with pointing out their lack of any historical knowledge or intellectual dishonesty is that, they don't care. To them, it is what they believe, therefore it is a matter of faith, and thusly, reason and logic can take a flying leap.

Faith trumps reason, just look at the history of the vatican and the catholic church for the truth of that. To the ridiculous right it is now a matter of doctrine that homosexuals(they do not like the term 'gay', it is too 'happy' of a word, and Everyone knows that homosexuals are not happy.)are abomonitions before the lord (there is that word again, "abomonition" I just love it!).