Random.

I’ve had the same problem verifying a “neutral” equivalent of “gay” with German friends. But your assertion vis-a-vis the US.....” still believing that there's really much of a debate over the word”.... is myopic to say the least unless you meant “the debate over ‘queer’ is over....some people, particularly many simply young and many in academic bubbles, think it’s cool while the majority of gays and lesbians think it’s silly ‘linguistic chic’ that will pass in time.”

“The Advocate” raised the question “Is Gay Over?” in 2006. The answer, and I use the term lightly, was that both self-concepts and accepted terminology for them are in flux.

“Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, is a bit more sanguine when asked about this quandary. ‘We as a movement’, he says, ‘can take real pride that we opened this door for young people to be much more fluid about sexuality, gender, gender roles, orientation [and] sexual behavior than any other generation in history. That's what the gay movement has contributed to society, and that's a tremendously good thing ... That said, our legal culture and our rhetorical culture has not at all caught up with that. ... gay is the word. Sometimes it's gay and lesbian, but gay is not going to leave the lexicon in my lifetime’." “The Advocate,” June 20, 2006.

As I recall, the article’s accompanying poll reinforced Foreman’s perception in spades with only 4% of respondents saying they called themselves “queer.”

Everyone raise his/her hand who’s ever said, “Mom, Dad, I’m queer.”

And I’ll pay $100 to anyone who can find a copy for me of the ancient “TV Guide” containing a letter to the editor complaining about how any gay male character on TV always seemed to be named “Bruce.” The non-Sodomite/pederast/Uranian/Urning/homosexual/gay/queer author was himself named Bruce and was concerned about potential mistreatment of his son, Bruce Jr.

I wasn't saying that everyone self-identifies as queer. I was saying that debate as to whether the sky would fall if we start calling ourselves that, or the debate over whether the word could be used to describe something different than gay or lesbian do, has gone to one side. Sure there are still people who discuss the issue, just like the guy in the paper who didn't like the fact that homos use the term "gay."

Everyone raise his/her hand who’s ever said, “Mom, Dad, I’m queer.”

My point exactly. Queer isn't a sexual identity, or at least that's not how I see it, it's a social/political identity. So, as I asked above, where's the replacement for that?

truth be told, who needs labels? i wouldn't mind dropping black or african american, either. they aren't correct. why not just people? i happen to be attracted to other men or women or identify as masculine or feminine - why do we need these definitions and names that we can call ourselves and each other...

**Raises hand**

Except it was more like, "Honey, do you think you might be bisexual?"

"Well, mom, and mom, actually I'm queer."

I'm not looking for queer to replace the term gay. While sometimes queer is used as an umbrella term, in most cases it has a very different meaning than the word gay. I have a hard enough time calling myself bisexual or lesbian (as opposed to pansexual and a dyke), but I don't think that I could ever call myself gay -- it just doesn't connect with my identity and who I am.

Sure not everyone in the wider LGBT community identifies as queer, but not everyone in the wider LGBT community identifies as trans either. That doesn't make my identification as either any less valid. Do you know that commonly experienced ah-hah moment when you first hear the word 'gay' explained and you think "Wow that's me! There must be others like me too"? Well, it never worked out that way for me with the term 'gay', (or lesbian or bi), but it did for 'queer'.

I don't need other people to give up their labels and become queer, but I do need people to respectfully acknowledge that I am and that folks like me deserve a place in this movement (and perhaps in the acronym). I'm happy to say that in many places we're already a part of both.

Why does it have to be one way of speaking about our community? While we lump "asian" together, it includes many different groups that seem to be broken down by nationality and some major differences in lifestyle/nationalism/group think. Put a Muslim Malaysian next to a Hindu Indiana next to a Shinto Japanese next to a Buddhist Tibetan and see if you can guess who's who based on something as petty as "Asian." They are fabulously diverse and just glossing over the diversity with one generic term seems rather silly. I think the same thing of our community while realizing we want it for the same reasons "Asian" came to be. We like to generalize.

bill,

how about if we generalize with the word "people"? as you pointed out, the diversity of the asian population makes the term mean almost nothing. a samurai warrior has little in common with the buddhist monk. certainly, they are all people. some have a chinese heritage, some have a japanese heritage. which in turn could mean a million different things. all of the divisions which we create are false. except one. our common humanity. i think here in america, the melting pot, we all call ourselves americans. and things go downhill from there. maybe our minds just aren't big enough to grasp how small we are - and how unique just being human can be.

Well, I have always identified myself as queer, that is when I finally started being me. Before I was just "me".

When I first went to my psychitrist, she asked me if I was gay, and since I liked women, I said yes. So she says, 'so you date guys?'
I said 'No, I am a lesbian, I date women.'.
'I don't understand?'.
'Well, you are thinking of me as a guy, but I'm not a guy.'.

She had trouble getting her mind around a gender identity that did not match the birth gender. To her, how could a 'guy' who liked women, be gay?

Which brings up the point that, gay means a couple of things, it can be an umbrella term, used to denote any homosexual, or it can be a term to denote a male homosexual. Language is pretty fluid, and in many cases, contextual. To me, queer covers who I am, a non-gender and non-sexual conformming person.