"Tick, tock . . . tick, tock . . . "
The high holy days are fast approaching for those of us who give thanks at the altar of her Madge-sty.
Yes, it's true. On April 29th, the universe will bow to bestow upon us one of those rare immaculate births known as a new Madonna release. Hard Candy, according to the Material Girl, will be "a juxtaposition of tough and sweetness - kind of like I'm gonna kick your ass but it's going to make you feel good." And the album's first single, 4 Minutes to Save the World (released today on iTunes) promises to live up to her claim.
4 Minutes, featuring Timbaland and Justin Timberlake (oh please tell me he's going on tour with her) is one part Gwen Stefani, one part acid-ridden high school marching band . . . and dripping with absolute Madonna.
The beat, the eroticism and the Mrs. Ritchie je ne c'est quoi are all there in full force. She even samples herself. Because really, if you're going to borrow, you borrow from the best.
"Come on, Madonna," Justin implores the perpetual diva, and come on she does, enticing Mr. Timberlake to "Come on boy . . . I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll . . . I want somebody to speed it up for me then take it down slow; There's enough room for both."
They've only got 4 Minutes to save the world.
And in this season of all things politics, our favorite "Virgin" settles the question once and for all: Who do I want answering that phone call at 3am? My vote goes to Madonna, thank you very much. Does any terrorist want to mess with that much fabulousness?
I don't think so.
Yes, 4 Minutes promises a Candy store full of gay boy euphoria and a Confession-worthy session of sin.
"If you want it, you've got it," Madge belts out in the early refrains of her newest single. And the result reminds us that she does, indeed, still have it . . . and on April 29th (just an excruciating 37 days from now) we will - all praise her Madge-sty - have it, too.
This is one stroll we've been waiting too, too long to take.
(Author's note: 'Hard Candy' will be released in Europe a day early, on April 28. We are now accepting donations of plane tickets to cross the pond and indulge our excesses 24 hours early.)