I've been married to my partner for almost a year now but we've been lovers and friends for 4 years. Her parents literally want me dead. She wants to go to college but only on their money which means that she can't have any contact with me whatsoever for 4 consecutive years. It's their way of trying to control their 20 year old daughter. I even tried making peace with them and they basically spit in my face. She's attempted going to college on several occasions and unfortunately it's failed for one reason or another. I feel completely lost and worry if we will last as a couple. I support her wanting to go to college, but there are so many ways she could do it without their help. please help me.
lost & distressed
Cutting the Purse Strings
Dear L&D -
I see our intimate relationships as the most fertile grounds possible for personal growth. You are describing some pretty deep-rooted weeds (her parents) that are overtaking the grounds (your relationship) on which you two are trying to grow - and the weeds are being watered, not uprooted, by your partner.
The problem, as I see it, is that at age 19 (if my math serves me well), your partner decided to marry you. She made a "grown-up" decision, possibly before she was grown-up. Now she is unable, or perhaps unwilling, to uphold that decision (if I'm reading the facts accurately and she's agreeing to no contact with you for 4 years in exchange for money).
While it's tempting to hold her parent's accountable, they are but the keeper of the purse - she's the one grabbing a hold of the strings. Likewise, you are the keeper of your heart - and in her you have trusted it. Is that a good place for your heart? Do you trust yourself enough to know? Focus on your choices, focus on your life dreams and whether or not they are achievable with the woman you describe.