I've been seeing a guy for about a month now, and things are going great. The conversation's good, he's spontaneous and funny, we always have a great time together, almost everything's perfect....
I'm wondering, though, how I can get him to stop, um, oral bottoming for me. I've never particularly enjoyed being on the receiving end of that, but usually I'll put up with it if a guy likes doing it and it can be hot just being around that energy. But this guy's technique is pretty bad, and I don't see it improving any time soon.
I've mentioned to him a few times that I can take it or leave it in general (the truth), and he's said he only does it because he thinks I like it. I've suggested other, better activities for both of us, but he keeps on going back there and it's cramping my style at this point. Is there a polite way to tell someone that he just sucks at sucking?
Thanks in advance
Falling Out with Felatio
Oh the perrenial problem of sub-par sucking. I've always thought it funny how gay men imagine themselves masters of felatio just because they like guys. One would think that having a penis would instill men with greater intuition of how to approach a peer's pecker. Unfortunately, penis as just as diverse as the people they're attached to.
I've read a lot of tutorials on grade A cocksucking, and I've been sorely disappointed. Trying to make blanket rules for pleasuring vastly individual organs is a failed project. True, there are some generalizations that one can make... like most men don't prefer teething the cock, and a decent amount of suction should be applied... but that's pretty much as far as truisms on blowjobs are concerned. For example, if a guy's uncircumcised, many assume that unsheathing the penis is pleasurable. However, often times uncircumcised men's glands are very sensitive and need to remain under the protection of the foreskin. All of this is why honesty is very important in the bedroom, especially when poor technique is in play.
The next time you and your fellating fellow are feeling freaky, try talking him through the sex act. It's important to know your own penis and what actions create the kind of pleasure you want. It's important that you don't feel uncomfortable with speaking up. He wants to give you pleasure, and if he isn't doing it right, then corrections are well received. It's all in the way you spin the advice. Instead of taking the "you stink at this" approach, try the "this is the way I like it" approach. If you convince him that your preferences are individual, then it'll feel less like your lecturing him, and more like your confiding in him. By bringing him into a greater sense of intimacy, you'll solidify your relationship and make him want to try harder.
And if he's just absolutely terrible, just tell him that you don't like getting head. If he really likes licking your lolly, then just set up a barter system where he gets one sex act that he likes and you get one that you like. Everyone's a winner.
send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org