Memo to Maureen Dowd: Sit. Down. Girlfriend. I've found Obama's street cred, and it's in Madonna's candy shop.
Come on out to the dancefloor.
After months of anguished waiting (tick, tock; tick, tock) the immaculate conception is among us: Her Madge-sty has delivered a 'hard' pounding, hip-hop masterpiece that's sticky and sweet.
See what sugar you like, and she'll have it for you.
Sometimes I think what I need is an Esther intervention . . .
"Got no boundaries, got no limits." She can go on and on and on . . .
The re-invention is complete, and Mrs. Ritchie is back. She's a street gansta girl, a candy shop, candy stripe girl. And her "lollipop" - a bass-hittin', chart-smashin' ode to the dancefloor - is a work of art that crosses every music boundary and steps over the line from pop to Harlem.
You know I feel it in my heartbeat.
Her magnificence's latest iteration includes an "Incredible," dirty, down-beat bedroom chant (a la Justify My Love) that should be on every playa's playlist and a Joni Mitchell-meets-Gwen-Stefani ballad that is "Miles Away" from anything you ever heard. In between, she mixes up latin rhythms with gay-boy hands in the air anthems that make you wanna sweat and add a new candle to the mantle of our answer to the "Virgin" mother.
It's enough to send Donatella Versace back to rehab, and the boys back to the clubs.
You can almost see her Madge-sty calling out to the Britneys . . . the Hannahs . . . the Mariahs on "She's Not Me." You can hear her callin' up an Idol sing-off with Mama Bono on "Beat Goes On," and you can feel her, arms outstretched and boots laced up, beckoning the masses to "Dance 2Night."
Everybody's watchin', and I just wanna give you more.
And she does, delivering a non-stop confectionary of intense, intuitive and international rhythms that set the beat for "the . . . little kid that be dancin' on the corner of the UK" to the gay boy M-A-D-O-N-N-A wanna-be.
"Don't pretend you're not hungry, I've seen it before . . . "
But you haven't seen anything like this for a long, long time. And that's just why Madonna leaves her competition behind, behind, behind.
It's a one-stop candy shop that makes you want "more and more and more."