As the nation pauses to celebrate the release of a new gift from her Madge-sty, another girl from Michigan is launching her own Re-Invention Tour . . . but with a decidedly less-thrilling tune.
Elaine Donnelly, who gave up the Gucci for the Gifford (Kathi Lee, that is), is at it again. Taking a cue from Michigan's original Material Girl, Elaine has gone (almost) MTV. She's launched a video message for the masses . . . but she's not out to be Malawi's new Messiah. Instead, she's just re-packaged her same old tired, anti-military propaganda and wrapped it up with some pearls.
Ms. D's newest misadventure, www.americansforthemilitary.com, might come with a nifty new petition to beef up her mailing list, but don't be fooled. Elaine's still the same old pony, doing the same old show . . . and the poor thing even waltzed onto the 'net with the same old 'do.
In fact, the only thing fresh in Donnelly's new diatribe is the pronounced smell of desperation that wafts through the screen.
Elaine's "new" tune, this reviewer notes, is nothing more than a vain attempt at a fresh spin on her greatest hits. It's all here: The "attack" Bill Clinton launched on the military when he proposed allowing gay Americans to serve openly. The "sexual agenda" of those who believe in qualification first. The looming specter of "gay activist groups" who can't wait to tear apart our fighting forces. And, of course, Elaine's fall-back favorite, her twisted message about what Congress intended when it debated this issue in 1993.
Why the sudden urgency on Elaine's behalf? Why the new petition? Why the desperate attempt to flash a bit of Coulter-like cleavage while she heaves and haws about the homosexual attack on the homeland? And why, oh why, that unfortunate choice in lipstick color?
It's simple: Elaine has bad taste, and some things never change.
Just like her propensity to engage in homosexual attacks . . . just like her Colonel Klinger bob and cut . . . and just like her Stepford spinster smile, Elaine is a tired old trend trying repeatedly to come back in vogue again.
Unfortunately for Ms. Donnelly, it'll take more than a Sony handy-cam to put her "career" back together again.
There are, as we are reminded on this day of Mrs. Ritchie's return, good reasons to celebrate the re-invention of 50-year-old women. But Elaine, bless her heart, hasn't yet realized that it takes more than J.C. Penney pearls to dress up a disaster. Which renders her latest release flat . . . uninspiring . . . and just plain dull.
Americans for the Military doesn't have a beat. You can't dance to it. And the video is awful. It's one Michigan re-invention we could all live without.
Elaine's got 4 Minutes left in her 15 minutes of "fame," and she's determined to destroy the world.