Michele O'Mara

50 Ways to Keep Your Lover: # 43-44

Filed By Michele O'Mara | May 16, 2008 11:05 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian, relationship, tips

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover. My post last Friday offered strategies 41-42, this week I am sharing strategies 43-44. Look for more strategies next Friday!

43. Ask for What You Need. Most of us do not come equipped with extra sensory perception (ESP). If you find yourself waiting for your partner to “get you” and to understand what you need without telling him, then you are 100% responsible for those needs going unmet.

There is a dangerous myth going around that has people believing that, “If he really loved me, he would know to…” The myth of this litmus test (the litmus test being that you can tell if your partner really loves you if he knows what you want without your telling him!) is the source of many conflicts and a whole lot of disappointment in relationships. Wouldn’t it be easier just to state clearly and directly, exactly what you want and need?

Hurdle number two that goes along with this, is that love does not always mean getting what you want. It does, however, mean getting what you need!

44. Share Meals. Sometimes the simplest things make the biggest difference. The ritual of sitting at a table, facing one another, and sharing a meal is a wonderfully simple way to incorporate a shared purpose—fueling your bodies so you are strong and healthy—while connecting and sharing meaning, through conversation, time, and enjoying a meal together.

Michele O'Mara, LCSW


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Michele,
I started reading Bilerico way in the middle of this series. I see you are almost done. Will there be a book, or at least a web link to all of these so they can be printed out? I'll wait until you reach #50.

Monica,

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover...

You can buy Michele's book by clicking the link in the first paragraph.

Michele - good advice on meal times. We always try to have dinner together as a family affair. Everyone talks about their day and what happened or current events, etc. Now that a friend has moved in temporarily, she's found our dinner times a little foreign since she wasn't used to it, but now swears it's her favorite time of day. :)