Serena Freewomyn

Queerview Mirror- American Idol Review

Filed By Serena Freewomyn | May 04, 2008 10:45 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Entertainment, Entertainment, Entertainment
Tags: American Idol, Paula Abdul, Queerview Mirror

Editor's Note: Queerview Mirror is a review from two of our editorial team, Serena Freewomyn and Waymon Hudson. If you'd like something reviewed, feel free to pass it on. If they like you, they might look at it, otherwise- suck it.

WAYMON: So this week we are finally reviewing something super gay- American Idol!

SERENA: I think it is an amazing allegory for the current political climate and the obfuscation of American voters by insipid distractions...

W: Huh??

S: Actually, I just wanted to gloat that Brooke was gone.

W: That's better. This isn't that kind of post. Geez!

S: Sorry, I had a moment there... All better. So how great was it that Brooke was covered in snot and sobbing when she got kicked off?

W: I know! Now we just have to get rid of that annoying little gay elf, David Archuleta. He is so annoying.

S: Oh totally! And could he ever open his eyes? We know he's not that introspective.

W: Oh, he's just dreaming about Ryan Seacrest.

S: Yeah Daddy! He's hot.

W: Totally. I'd flat iron his hair any day...

S: It all comes back to hair care for you, doesn't it?

W: Don't be a hater. So did you love Paula Abdul's mini meltdown?

S: Completely! What a train wreck! She kept going on about the two songs Dread-boy sang when he only sang once! I mean, what is in that Coca-Cola glass?

W: Jack Daniels and Vicodin would be my guess... She is so trying to be the next gay icon. Former Lakers girl- check, Former 90's singing sensation- check, Eating disorder- check, rumored drug use- check, reality show- check, trying to make a comeback but still screwed up beyond belief- check...

S: Hell! She's halfway to being Mariah Carey!

W: Seriously. And how awful was Neil Diamond night?

S: Oh my god- I wanted to shoot myself. Is it just me or do all of his songs sound the same?

W: Hell if I know. I muted the episode halfway through "Coming to America"...

S: It makes me miss the little gay boy from earlier in the season- Danny Noriega.

W: I loved him!!! Can you imagine him on Dolly Parton night? It would have been a slice of gay heaven! Sigh...

S: You are so gay, Waymon...

S: Right back at ya, Serena.

Bonus Video: Paula Screws it up... Again.

iPhone users: Click to watch


Danny Noriega: "Some people weren't liking it!"


iPhone users: Click to watch


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Wow. We are so funny, Serena! We should take our act on the road!

I'm glad we managed to pull this post away from the obvious direction of primary politics! Whew!

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | May 4, 2008 11:26 AM

I don't get "American Idol in Thailand" and there must be a reason (oh, yeah, I didn't watch it in the USA). Guys, I'm glad you had fun with this, and what you were doing old "aunties" taught me thirty five years ago was "doing the dozens" and it was nice to see that, but, public humiliation for Paula Abdul? It made me sad. A performer is remembered for their last performance and I found this sad.

I saw Elvis, Elvis was not a friend of mine. You're no Elvis ya little snot and you don't have the Pelvis to be Elvis.

Now you might say he was doing "Jailhouse Rock" as himself. Why? That's like saying Bette Midler should do the full track of "Sound of Music." There, see if that Bitch Simon has anything on me!

Robert-

"You don't have the Pelvis for Elvis"...

Love it! You make a great Simon.

And this is just the latest in a long string of slightly off Paula moments. Heck, she had a reality show that followed her and documented her bizarre behavior. These shows are my guilty pleasure.

And Bette Midler doing Sound of Music? That would be a slice of gay heaven...

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | May 4, 2008 12:32 PM

Let's see, channel my bitchy Gay goddeses! Mine are rustier than yours.

Hmmmmmmm!

"The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Mueslix"
*************************************************
"Somewhere in my Youth, or Childhood,
"I must have done something good, but my mother would never tell me."
*************************************************

"Dough, the money, you get paid first!"

"Ray, a drop of Golden Laser surgery!"

"ME! That's all, ME! I come first!"

"FA, instead of Faux!"

"Sew, constantly, I'm making gowns!"

"LA, a latte, with steamed milk!"

"Tea, a drink, instead of Scotch"

"Which brings us back to Dough!"

THE MONEY DAMN IT PAY ME!

*************************************************

"So Long, Farewell, my name is Larry Craig."

"If my name, were Cheny, I'd shoot you in the leg!"

Bum diddle dum dum dum dum dum, bum diddle dum dum dum dum
**************************************************

I saw bits and pieces of the Paula Abdul meltdown program with her running with the little doggies and being unrealistically demanding and stuff. Sad.

Well, it's my damn birthday and if I want to be a fool it's my choice.

We sat here that night and wondered, "What the hell is WRONG with her?" It was just odd.

I liked Brooke though. She was a sweet little thing. David Archuletta was cute - now he's just sickeningly syrupy sweet. I think big head Todd David is going to win it.

I think it is an amazing allegory for the current political climate and the obfuscation of American voters by insipid distractions

Yeppers. I wish any of the judges would give more in depth commentary than various synonyms for "Hated it!" and "Awesome!" Like maybe comment on the singing or something....

That Paula's the awesomest judge there tho. She was totally drunk on TV! Cool!

"awesomest"?? Are you totally drunk, Alex? LOL...