Fannie Fierce

Two Birds with One Column!

Filed By Fannie Fierce | June 13, 2008 1:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, anal sex, butt sex, premature ejaculation, serotonin, sodomy

Dear Fannie,

Now you see, i have two kinda different dilemmas.

Numero Uno, Premature Ejaculation. I'm currently sleeping with this guy who shoots before we can really even get things going. Making out, touching and poof! He's done. I really don't know how to help the situation, and i really like this guy. So what can i do here?

And my second problem, anal sex. So basically, porn has glorified anal sex and made it look like some really pleasurable and delightful thing. Wrong. I've been doin' it for a long time, and i still ain't used to it. This other guy I'm sleeping with seems to think that everything is just like the porn. How do i get him to slow down and just... go with the flow?

Please Help!

--Timmy Two-Problem!

Dear Timmy (I hope that's not your real name),

Look at you! Your bed's busier than a beehive! While you have two very different problems regarding your boudoir buddies, let's look on the bright side: you have at least two guys gushing geysers of goodness for you. That's two more than a lot have, so don't complain!

So problem number one: premature ejaculation. A surprising situation that more men than you'd think get stuck with. Now it's important to figure what's the root of this problem. Most men who suffer from P.E. (not physical education... although a condition I thankfully left behind in high school) either have a psychological problem with sex, being that they don't get it a whole lot so get over-excited about a specific partner, or have a chemical imbalance which can expedite the ejaculatory response.

You know your sex partner better than I do, at least I hope you do. Figure out whether his ill-timed response is caused by over-excitement or whether it's just a biological response he can't control. If it's a biochemical problem, he might want to talk to his doctor and ask for some blood-work to be done. He may, indeed, have a low serotonin level, which, in addition to making him a mopey 'mo, will make it harder for him to resist ejaculation. Sometimes doctors will prescribe certain anti-depressants or mood stabilizers to counteract this chemical imbalance. I personally tend to be skeptical of doctors and pharmacologists and like to do things the natural, non-chemical, way. There are a lot of ways to naturally stimulate the production of serotonin, like exercise, chocolate, and sexual activity. I'd prescribe a good dose of exercise, 'cause not only will you increase your serotonin count and delay your ejaculation, you'll get a super fit bod.

There is a technique you two can work through as a coital couple, called: the squeeze technique.

Step 1. Begin sexual activity as usual, including stimulation of the penis, until you feel almost ready to ejaculate.

Step 2. Have your partner squeeze the end of your penis, at the point where the head (glans) joins the shaft, and maintain the squeeze for several seconds, until the urge to ejaculate passes.

Step 3. After the squeeze is released, wait for about 30 seconds, then go back to foreplay. You may notice that squeezing the penis causes it to become less erect, but when sexual stimulation is resumed, it soon regains full erection.

Step 4. If you again feel you're about to ejaculate, have your partner repeat the squeeze process.

So, it all depends how invested you are in this specific boy toy. If he's just a casual fuck and you have no emotional investment in him and all this sexual therapy sounds like a lot of work for a roll in the sheets, then I'd give him the helpful info and suggest that he call you when he's figured his junk out. But if this sex stud is worth keeping around, then talk to him honestly and address the pink elephant (or perhaps milky-translucent elephant) and offer to work together to make sex as good as you know it can be!

As for your second problem, Timmy....

I've been saying this for a long time: anal sex isn't for everyone. Believe it or not, queens, some dames don't do it up the doo-doo chute. Some guys love getting plugged by a nice wang, but others would prefer much less anally-inclined action. Sex should be a reciprocal activity, so if you're not getting enjoyment from getting plowed by your bud, then let him know that and demand being sufficiently compensated with a sex act that you enjoy.

If you're too much of a push-over to stick up for your own sexual rights, then frankly I think you deserve a sore tush. Maybe you'll think twice before mindlessly bending over. And don't go blaming the porn industry for your own lack of a spine. Sure gay culture sucks... it's completely male-centric and obsessed with anal sex. So what? Fight the power.

Fiercely,
Fannie

send your questions in to fannie@bilerico.com


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He gets off while the reader is making out with him? That's a damn good kisser! :)

Think of it this way though - at least he doesn't have to worry about anal sex!