I don't talk much about being bipolar. Bruce has talked about it a couple of times in his posts, but I try not to bring it up. It's just not something that I like to advertise because, like it or not, it makes people think less of me.
But this morning I woke up to several nasty-grams from people upset that we didn't have coverage of yesterday's LGBT caucus and direct reporting from the floor last night. One person wrote:
"We donated $3000 for sub-par reporting that's later than everyone else's. I want my money back."
I stayed at the hotel all day yesterday. It was a bad "bipolar day" for me. I tend towards the manic side of bipolar as versus the depression side. After not sleeping very much, being stressed and generally constantly excited, it caught up with me yesterday. I stayed home and took my emergency meds and tried to catch up with blog posts I still hadn't finished.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me; that's not the point at all. Instead, I want to ask for your understanding that sometimes, well, my mind gets the best of me. I can't concentrate, my mind whirls faster than I can and when it's really bad I hear voices. The Ed Team here know my issues and they cover for me on my bad days. (Especially Alex, who has already taken it on himself to let some of the other contributors know to bug him next week so I can spend a couple days decompressing.) Thankfully, it usually only lasts for a day or so. This morning, after resting all day yesterday, I feel 100% better and I can catch my own thoughts again.
So for those of you who are pissed at our "sub-par reporting," I can only say that I'm doing the best that I can. I chose to attend the convention even though I knew it would be rough for me. With less than five and a half hours of sleep each night (some nights a lot less), a constant go-go-go schedule, the excitement of hanging out with a few celebrities (c'mon, in Indiana there are about 2 celebrities in the whole state), the confusion of figuring out where to go and how to get there and the general atmosphere and attitude, sometimes it just gets to me.
Thankfully, Pam and Terrance have been helping with a lot of the political coverage since they have press credentials and readily available internet access. Since I was invited to most of the LGBT-specific events, I've tried to cover those since it would be duplicating their content. Jerame has been a godsend with his willingness to work with me and cover all of the Pepsi Colosseum insider stuff. Other friends, like Izzy Foreman from 360i/MSNBC was kind enough to share their video of the last night's speeches so Projectors would have it ASAP since I couldn't make it last night. Bruce has also been extremely helpful in talking to me and sharing his tips for calming myself down.
But in my own defense, I want to point out that while our coverage has usually come hours after other bloggers, since I'm not a credentialed member of the press I'm not allowed to take my laptop into a lot of the areas some of the others can. (And I'm not willing to just leave it outside!) Our coverage has to wait until I can take the train a half hour back to the hotel and get to the computer. The places I can take my laptop, I have. I've also tried to take as much video as possible on my camera, but that means I have to wait to get back to download it to the laptop and then upload it to YouTube.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that those e-mails this morning (11 of them in all) really upset me. I'm doing the best that I can. If that's not good enough, I'm sorry.