Two fags and a trannie go to Focus on the Family headquarters... It sounds like the start of a really bad joke, eh? Last Friday though, it became a true story - although we did put the Bilerico style on our little adventure.
Hilariousness ensues, after the jump. Click all pictures to embiggen.
(Notice that I'm holding a cigarette in the above photo. I wanted as many vices as possible in that picture. If I'd had a bottle of booze, I'd have held it too!)
Projector Jesster (Jessica Bowers) wrote me after I arrived in Denver and posted that I really wanted to see the mountains. She offered to take the day off work and show Jerame and I the sights. We agreed and made plans to meet at our hotel after checkout.
When Jess arrived, I was talking to Rep Baron Hill (D-IN) about his vote on ENDA. Rep Hill was on of the blue dog Democrats who balked at including transgender people in the employment non-discrimination bill (although his staff later denied the charge). I rattled off some of the statistics I've learned from our trans Projectors and was stunned when he revealed that he'd not been lobbied by one single transperson. When Jess arrived on the scene, I pointed out Rep Hill to her and she remedied that oversight; he's now been lobbied by a trans woman.
We all three jumped in her Jeep and set off for a sushi lunch at Tokyo Joe's. As we made plans for the day, Jess mentioned that we'd be passing Focus on the
Anus Family's headquarters. It was an opportunity too good to pass up.
The drive to Colorado Springs is beautiful. Fundies really know how to shop for real estate! The FOF headquarters is a sprawling campus on top of a hill overlooking the mountains. The next time I hear someone complaining about HRC's building, I'd like to point them to this picture that captures the tip of FOF's grounds.
From the Welcome Center, the Bookstore and offices to the classrooms, worship areas and twisty potato sack slide for the kiddies, Focus on the Family has a stunning complex. Unfortunately, our skin was crawling from the smell of evangelicals and we wanted to get in and get out as fast as possible. We pulled into the parking lot (with the obligatory school bus parking available!) and hopped out of the Jeep.
As we walked past the Welcome Center, we searched for a FOF sign for our first photo op. (See the picture above the jump.) Mission accomplished, we started circling the building to see what other mischief we could find.
Since we needed a restroom break, we headed for the Welcome Center and inspiration struck.
Off On the Religious Right
Since my sense of humor is notoriously immature, I have to admit that the idea for this little stunt was mine.
First I tried to get Jerame to come to the bathroom with me and tap his toe under the stall and let me take a picture. He didn't think it was a good idea and predicted it would get us thrown out on our ear. (He'd even removed his HRC hat before walking in the building.)
Since I had a backup plan, I was nonplussed. Since Focus on the Family has made it their main priority to piss all over the LGBT community and our families, I intended to return the favor. When the chubby old white guy walked up to greet us, I quickly told him the bathroom was my main priority.
I walked into the nearest open stall and got ready to pee. Sometimes when a guy takes a leak, he misses the toilet a bit and the spray will end up on the seat or floor. Apparently the creepy vibe made my hand shake; I missed a lot. A lot. A good 90% worth of missing, in fact. (I took a picture too, but Jerame won't let me post it online. LOL)
Mission accomplished. I'd pissed
off on the religious right. Consider the favor returned, Dobson.
The Bowels of the Beast
As we wandered around the rest of the welcome center, we snapped a few photographs of the various displays. One circular area in the middle of the room (the colon of the beast?) had several areas touting various "family friendly" values. My favorite?
The Value of Male and Female
Of course, we had to take a picture of Jess and Jerame in front of the display. (Don't make fun of Jerame's hat hair, I already told you he had to take off his big queer hat!)
Here's what the floor to ceiling display had to say about gender roles:
We believe that God created humans in His image, intentionally male and female, each bringing unique and complimentary qualities to sexuality and relationships. Sexuality is a glorious gift from God to be offered back to Him either in marriage for procreation, union and mutual delight or in celibacy for undivided devotion to Christ. Christians are called to proclaim the truth and beauty of God's design and the redemption of sexual brokenness in our lives and culture through Jesus Christ. Romans 12:1-2
For you godless heathens out there, Romans 12:1-2 (NIV) reads:
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I'd say Jesster has been transformed, wouldn't you? God must be pleased. If he'd only been willing to stop by and take the picture, I could have been in it too. Talk about the parent who's never around for a bonding moment...
No Snakes in the Garden
As we fled the scene of the homophobia and hell fires, we decided to visit Garden of the Gods - a nearby scenic area. After all, if God is going to be pleased with humans, I have a feeling it'll have more to do with our respect for His work instead of our attempts to dominate each other.
Lightening didn't strike us dead as we drove away. In fact, the day stayed beautiful and sunny.
Apparently God agreed with me.