Don Sherfick

Larry Craig and my own Fridge to Nowhere

Filed By Don Sherfick | September 14, 2008 11:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Marriage Equality, Politics
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Well I see that attorneys for my sentimental but apparently unsuccessful choice for the Republican Vice-Presidential nomination, Idaho Senator Larry Craig, has appeared before the Minnesota Court of Appeals in another try to withdraw his guilty plea concerning misdemeanor toe-tapping at the Minneapolis airport.

You'll recall Minneapolis. That's where just after Labor Day John McCain tried to annul his marriage to the Bush Administration. Annulments differ from divorces in that, in theory, the former are treated as if no marriage ever occurred in the first place. The Obama campaign doesn't buy that, though, and have the wedding (and wedding night) pictures to prove otherwise.

Minneapolis is also the site of that Interstate 35 bridge across the Mississippi that collapsed and was going nowhere for a while. And speaking of "nowhere", and its chilly Alaskan connection, we have our own Fridge to Nowhere. Talk about a local scandal.

Now I know there is a valid difference of opinion concerning whether the interior contents of both a freezer compartment and what's usually stored in slightly warmer space should be the proper subject of public debate. Some say "What goes on in the vegetable drawer stays in the vegetable drawer". But then there are folks like Justice Antonin Scalia, who scoffs at the very notion that I have a constitutionally protected right to privacy concerning how long that little whatever-it-really-is in the aluminum foil has been behind the orange juice bottle.

CarbonDating300px.jpgI say all of this criticism, mostly coming from my other half, about why we always buy way too much hamburger for cookouts and then have to resort to carbon dating to determine how many ice ages can occur before we can safely thaw it out and have a late night snack, is simply a tactic designed to keep us from talking about the real substantive issues of this campaign.

What campaign? My beloved's relentless campaign to replace what I think is a perfectly fine and functional (though slightly dated) Amana model with one of those stainless steel behemoths he saw at Lowes last weekend that tells you to the tenth of a second when the eggs are going bad and display the latest NFL scores aside the crisper drawer temperature.

Yes, that's the issue so far as I'm concerned. There are valid public policy issues concerning which way to proceed, but he keeps turning it into questioning whether or not I have the judgement, experience and temperment to make a meaningful assessment over retaining my beloved Amana for another few decades.

Which brings me full circle to Larry Craig. I see where Joe Biden said the other day that Hillary Clinton was at least as qualified to be Vice President as he is, if not more. I'm still hoping that when the mainstream press gets a meaningful shot at Sarah Palin, she's asked point blank how she compares herself to the lame-duck Senator from Idaho.

For example, I'm waiting with baited breath to know how she really feels about the teaching of creationism/intelligent design along with evolution in the public schools. The only thing I know about Craig's views on this issue is that he was heard to mumble in Minneapolis that had the partitions surrounding his infamous stance been more intelligently designed, he might well be running for re-election this fall.

And as far as the Alaska governor's thoughts on whether or not life as we know it sprang spontaneously and unaided by cosmic intervention billions of years ago, I invite her to view proof positive of that creeping green phenomenon in the little ziplock baggie housing last April's potato salad just in front of the ear of corn.

In the final analysis, though, the electoral question for me at least is whether or not the nation would be better off if Larry Craig rather than Sarah Palin might find himself a heartbeat away from the Presidency come next January 20th.

Or at least waiting patiently in the next stall.


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