I spoke with a friend yesterday who said she was so enraged she could no longer watch television or read any news. She was going to lose it. I don't feel enraged. I feel helpless.
I cannot change anything that goes on in Washington, DC. I wish I could be blissfully ignorant and think that everything will work out fine. I'm watching my kids' future go into a free fall and there is nothing I can do about it.
Stay the course. Remain calm.
I don't feel calm but I also don't feel rage. I'm looking at poll numbers that put McCain and Obama neck and neck- how can that be? Adding up the numbers of people that came out to vote in the Democratic primaries doesn't add up with what the media is saying.
Obama should be trouncing this bozo. Can it be possible that the election is being stolen again?
No, no, no. That is crazy talk. This is America. We have freedom. We get one vote per person and each vote counts. Our systems work and democracy will prevail.
Then the icy fingers of anxiety clutch my throat. No, that's not what happens in the country. Electronic machines have replaced any traceable ballots. Who owns Diebold? Why do we liberals trust everyone so damn much?
We have no reason to have any faith at all. My biggest fear is if Obama loses- and there is no way he can lose- we will all gaze at our navels and wonder why we are such a racist country.
Racist or crooked?
Is this all being stolen right under our noses? Are we so numb we don't know how to march in the streets and demand action from our government? I don't care how many times Bush says the word "panic," I know what he is proposing will fail.
Why aren't we learning from what Sweden did in 1992, in the exact same crisis?
Why has Wall Street, typically in total control prior to a Presidential election, waiting to weigh in just after, gone nutty now? To what end? Did they really expect a 700 billion dollar blank check?
The timing is beyond disturbing to me. And yet there is nothing I can do but sit and watch it all unfold. What's next? A terrorist threat? Tucked in the news today were two articles about terrorists getting caught- one in Germany, one in Canada. Are we being set up?
Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm projecting my ingrained mistrust onto an easy canvas. In all my adult years, I have always loved a good conspiracy story but felt like it was just that- a story. I believed in our government as basically good.
I don't right now.
And it has me completely frozen in fear.