No-one gets a vote in this except Mike.

It's a test for us. We transition, and those around us suddenly get confronted with something outrageous, something they can't understand. Something they think will be the worst thing possible we could do. Maybe they think we'll change our mind. Maybe they'll mourn the loss of someone they love. Maybe they'll be afraid of "what the neighbours will say", that it will make them look bad.

We as TS people face the same issues with Mike's situation.

It's ab education, isn't it? And a test - are we hypocrites, or will we treat Mike with the same unconditional support that we ask for ourselves? Will we recognise that no-one but Mike gets a vote in this, and that it's not selfish of him to ask for that right?

Mike has TS issues to some degree, or transition would never have been attempted. We have not lost a sister, he is our brother, a fellow human being regardless of packaging, and deserving of our support and love in a stressful time. As we all know, support "with strings attached", "conditional" love, is worthless.

I do think that a very public de-transition like that takes courage though.

I guess you did decide it was good enough for here. Bravo. Good posting. One of your best.

not something where turning back is some sort of "failure". To turn back or to stop along the way is not a measure of character, courage, need, desire, dedication, or passion and those who somehow judge it as such are sadly misguided. Any transition, regardless of the outcome, is a deeply personal journey.

Very well said!!! Excellent post, Donna.

And I agree, Zoe, such a public de-transition takes tremendous courage.

I wish Mike the very best.

I have to admit to a bit of confusion.

You started to transition, but then "de-transitioned." I'm assuming you then transitioned again (or would it be for the first time?).

I'm curious though as to why you decided not to transition if you don't mind telling us. As you said, there seems to be a variety of reasons, but I'd be curious if there's one reason that stands out from the others.

I'm sorry you lost me when you said "change genders". How are we supposed to educate the public when we repeat falsehoods like that? Nobody changes gender, we change our bodies to match our gender.

I also don't agree on your philosophy of life either. I didn't transition "to find happiness" as you said and many cisgendered people like to say. I transitioned for ONE reason.... to be me. True, I'm happier being me, but that was not the goal.

I personally don't give a hoot what the public thinks about Christine's detransition. The vast majority of ignorant and will NEVER understand what we go through so why waste my time worrying about what they think? I think this is another example of how we chase after the acceptance of others. We must stop letting that rule us. Time to break that cycle and just best selfish individuals like everyone else.

Christine's journey is hers alone. We should stop wringing our hands and making premature judgements. I wish her well where ever her path takes her.

Wow. Talk about nit-picky.

I also don't agree on your philosophy of life either. I didn't transition "to find happiness" as you said and many cisgendered people like to say. I transitioned for ONE reason.... to be me. True, I'm happier being me, but that was not the goal.

I think your aside of "true, I'm happier being me..." is the entire point. I doubt anyone would want to become "me" if they knew that "me" would be unhappy for the rest of their lives. That seems to be the whole reason for being "you" is to be happier; otherwise you wouldn't be miserable being someone else...

Right on, Donna. Well said. To which I will add that the (transition) journey will, itself, change you; thus changing your destination.

I found it very useful to divide my decision-making process identifying my gender identity from the result of it. In other words, if I felt that I had no choice but to transition if I were a transsexual, it would have been virtually impossible for me to make an honest assessment about my gender identity. It would be too fraught with consequences.

Once I was comfortable and confident about my gender identity, I could then proceed with deciding what to do about it, unencumbered by self doubt.

That's saying a lot, because I'm the poster child for second guessing myself and buyer's remorse. The one thing I've never had a moment's doubt about is my transition.

To which I will add that the (transition) journey will, itself, change you; thus changing your destination.

Thanks, Rory. That helped put things in perspective.

I've known multiple trans people who would've benefited greatly from immediate access to surgery and hormones - many more, I think, than would not have.

I feel like the standards of care serves to maybe protect a very few people while harming many more, by throwing up barriers to accessing necessary medical care.

One of the strongest barriers against transitioning is social condemnation and pressure against transitioning, and the SOC serve to reinforce and reify that barrier. They seem to exist primarily to convince trans people to not transition. I think, over time, in their various forms, they've done us - as a group - more harm than good.

This was a very good article - thanks for posting it here Donna.

I'm with Lisa on the Standards of Care. I also think that the gatekeeper setup focuses people more on jumping through hoops than taking a journey of self-discovery.

When you're worried that if you say or do the wrong thing you might not be approved for whatever medical treatment, I think it's easy to get caught up in a standard narrative and eventually lose sight of what transition should be about.

Good article and well put. Transitioning isn't for the faint hearted. Yes, it can be the biggest Hell that one has ever gone through. The breakup of a love relationship, the messy divorce, the ostrization of perents, your own kids, siblings, relatives, life long friends, neighbors, coworkers, employers and their management staff, a good portion medical profession. Even the people on the public feel it's open season to mock you and descriminate against you. I know...I've seen most of it. Luckily I didn't have to experience being beaten or threatoned as some. I lost a job because I transitioned and became impovrished because the lack of income. Lucky for me that I didn't have to hit the streets because of a wonderful lover I met who had the wherewithall to keep me in a home, and pay for my needs. I am happy I decided to get the surgery. I got that in October of 2003. I've lived as a Post-op for 5 years and have no regrets. As you've stressed, Transitioning is a serious step and needs to be carefully looked at from both sides of gender living and the possible perils of being out as a Transsexual for the rest of your life.

My only regret about this article is that some rotten misguided bible basher will take Christine/Michael's experience as a prime example of reasons to continue to outlaw or condemn being Transgender and transitioning. We really need our Human Rights assured us (both Federal and State law) and it's the bible bashers who will stand in our way in getting those rights..
Brenda

The whole point of the real life test is to see if transition is the right thing. For some it is, for him is wasn't. Good for him that he found this out before going too far.

Seriously, those who react negatively to this sort of news need to get a life. To my way of thinking, it simply shows how insecure they are with their own situation.

MRM

The one thing Mike needs to take away from all of these comments is that we are all supportive of his decision. However, those who comment on Bilerico have a tendency to be highly educated people who understand this process rather well. We understand the massive diversity withing our community, and the importance to allow people to decided how their lives will proceed without second guessing them.

Unfortunately, there are those in our community who will be pissed off at Mike for turning back. It's part of the "diversity" I mentioned. Others will be pissed because of how they think the religious zealots will use this against us. Personally, I can care less what those religious nuts think. What is important in all of this is Mike and his own happiness. That trumps everything else.

To your posting concerning Transition and there being any right way to do it. I agree that there are many who haven't and never will transition and through our history many many people didn’t transtion who certainly were transexuals,but I also believe that it is of the utmost importance to follow the SOC I consider it the Bible of Transition and even though it is as it states it is only a Guideline its a guideline that in my opinion should be adhered to with greatest of care.it is the reason Christine was able to go back to being Mike I know and I sure of you do too someone who went around the safety gates put in place rushed through transition only to find that they AREN'T Trans.

I do not however accept the fact that one can suffer from Gender Identity Disorder and choose NOT to have GRS It is my belief that if one truely suffers a Dysphoria with ones body then there is NO WAY this person can desire to have let alone use their male genitalia. This goes against the core diagnosis for gender Identity Disorder. I feel that if you TRUELY are a sufferer of this condition then you will be driven to find away regardless of the cost whether that be financial or emotional to have Surgery or you’ll die trying too find a way. There is Factional Research to Support that the Brain Gender of a person who TRUELY suffers from GID as having the brain gender of the gender they Identifiy with and are living in were as the Brain Gender of say someone like a shemale is in my opinion that of a male. To me what they do is more a Fedish it's not a gender Identity Condintion They do what they do for totally differant reason then does a person suffering from GID. The Shemale acts out of sexual gratification where as the Transexual acts out of a need to make thier body Image fit their brain image. Now please don't make the mistake of thinking i’m sayng that everyone who hasn’t had surgery is shemale as I’m NOT saying that I known there are many many pre op women out there who simple can’t effort surgey. Differance is they want surgery the Shemale doesn’t.

Sincerely
Brandi Parker
SWVA Rep Equality VA

The most important thing is Mike is alive and hopefully happy with his decision.To many of us commit suicide from the pressures associated with being a T and we as a group should be the last to be critical of him and I'm glad that so far I haven't seen anything but support.

Thanks Donna for your post. Once we come out as transgender beings things are never the same. Joanne Roberts in an essay spoke of getting out of ones box and taking responsibility for ones life. In June 2002 I took this message to heart. Coming out to my daughter’s mom (not hidding in a closet) I thought in my heart we could work things out. That some way we could save our marriage while giving me space to allow a portion of Gillian to exist. In the month following my revelation, I lost my marriage, my birth family, and most of the time I had with my daughters. I moved into a one bedroom apartment from the home I had paid for and lived in for almost 30 years.

After finding Gendertalk about a year into my transition – program # 365, I happened upon an interview with Chris Howey. Chris’ daughter Nowell had written a book about her father’s transition. The book is called Dress Codes. I took Chris’ words to heart. ‘ We are not in a race to see who gets to sexual reassignment surgery first. Enjoy your journey. If you arrive at a place that feels right, stay there and enjoy it until there is a need to move on. There is no right place to be on ones journey. Enjoy the journey.”

Six and a half years after that evening when I came out, I am still on my journey. Six months ago I traveled to Bangkok for GRS. I’ve come to realize that my journey will have no end. There will always be new life experiences. Some of these experiences will be happy, others heart-wrenching. All will mold my personhood.

Christine took the next step on her jorurney. I wish Mike the best.

Gillian

Well Donna that's why we live in America so we each can have our own view on things. And while I respect your right to your opinion the medical and scentific data support my view and opinions. Thus the reasoning we have the requirements we do for a diagnosis of GID and one of those requirements is a desire for surgery.

Brandi Parker
SWVA Rep Equality Va

Thank you so much Donna for writing these thoughts down.

So many people believe that when I use the word "choice", with regard to my continuing transition, I label myself as a paraphiliac or a sexual deviant. Just as we know that sexual orientation is not a choice, so many of the public still believe it is, and the same is often true for those who question their gender. If we have any choice then why not choose to not transition.

I often find that when I say I was born this way, (transgendered), my friends, family, neigbors and colleagues accept it with little question because it represents a medical condition. When I say I am choosing to transition from male to female they argue that I should be able to fight it, suck it up, and live in my birth gender. Why would I choose to upset everybody near and dear to me.

As you say, even if we choose not to transition, we are still transgendered, and for many of us transitioning or not is a choice, and surgery is a choice. It does not diminish who we really are.

In my case a lifetime of often painful experiences, taught me that it is the only way I can achieve real happiness. As you say, if there was another way to achieve the same happiness I would gladly do so, because this "choice" I made to transition is really difficult for me, my family, and those who still love me.

I question my decision every day, because I no longer suffer from GID and so I no longer have that anxiety to transition, as I live as a female. I continue, because I know this is the right choice for me, and I know I could never go back.

So thank you again for clarifying the definition of "choice" so succinctly for me.

You say it so much better than I ever could.

Claire

Thank you so much Donna for writing these thoughts down.

So many people believe that when I use the word "choice", with regard to my continuing transition, I label myself as a paraphiliac or a sexual deviant. Just as we know that sexual orientation is not a choice, so many of the public still believe it is, and the same is often true for those who question their gender. If we have any choice then why not choose to not transition.

I often find that when I say I was born this way, (transgendered), my friends, family, neigbors and colleagues accept it with little question because it represents a medical condition. When I say I am choosing to transition from male to female they argue that I should be able to fight it, suck it up, and live in my birth gender. Why would I choose to upset everybody near and dear to me.

As you say, even if we choose not to transition, we are still transgendered, and for many of us transitioning or not is a choice, and surgery is a choice. It does not diminish who we really are.

In my case a lifetime of often painful experiences, taught me that it is the only way I can achieve real happiness. As you say, if there was another way to achieve the same happiness I would gladly do so, because this "choice" I made to transition is really difficult for me, my family, and those who still love me.

I question my decision every day, because I no longer suffer from GID and so I no longer have that anxiety to transition, as I live as a female. I continue, because I know this is the right choice for me, and I know I could never go back.

So thank you again for clarifying the definition of "choice" so succinctly for me.

You say it so much better than I ever could.

Claire

This is great information to help us allies understand the process of transitioning. Thanks, Donna.

Donna,
Yes, great article.

You had these two essays at the same time - the one on Mike Penner, and the one on the gene research.

I think there might be a tie-in between the reaction of some in the community to Mike's choice and the research effort.

I know a lot of folks who view success in the search for a genetic cause to be "validation" for us -- a medical reason why we need (and should be allowed to and insurance should pay for and all the other "should"s) to transition. And there are so so many folks who have very moving, heartfelt, and sincere accounts of how strongly they were motivated to transition. I completely sympathize and understand - as you said, it's a choice that, regardless of the benefits to us, is accompanied by a lot of difficulties, so it's not a choice we make easily.

So, when someone de-transitions, what does that say about genetic causes? Do the folks who see the trans gene as "validation" now feel threatened or less validated because some of us publicly de-transition? If these folks had the gene, how could they de-transition?

I'm wondering if that rationale might have something to do with why de-transitioning bothers some. Personally, I agree with the idea that this is just our path. I almost transitioned twice before getting where I am today (partial, but doing great, thanks much). And if someone wants to transition and de-transition several times in their life, what an interesting journey that would be. Maybe one day they'll invent nano-machines that when injected do all the changes for us, and we can go back and forth at will.