As a white transguy (who, truthfully, has no interest in marriage, same-sex or hetero because of capitalist nature of it), I'm sorry for the stupidity of my brethren.

It's a shame that society is happy with the slurry that fed to us from the likes of Fox News and such. And we never question what they tell us. Hopefully, someone will get a clue and realize the importance of fact checking, particularly to avoid foot-in-mouth syndrome.

As for "brilliance" on Fox, he's rather blind to his own privilge and Fox capitalized on it. I found it more frustrating that all this hype was done over Prop 8 but no one was outraged or upset at the murders of trans women (all POCs). I guess it's only the white LGB that matter, eh?

Anyways, thank you for a great piece.

Why are we still rehashing old news? Prop 8 passed, lets move on and make sure we get our marriage rights next time. If it is not cool to point the finger at blacks in general, than it damn sure ain't cool to blame white gays for racism in general either. Anger needs to subside now, I know mine has. It has its place, but now it's time to struggle on.

agreed, except for the "second grade" comment - ageism doesn't need to be a part of our struggle against institutions of marriage, racism, heterosexism and sexism. comments like that only reinforce the idea that people under 18/21 have no value and no worth. it's these ideas that take away me and other young people's ability to vote about stuff that actually concerns us. when i can't vote about who gets put on the school board, which directly impacts my everyday life, but adults with no connection at all to any youth in the school system can? that's fucked up.
besides that, good piece.

As a dumb, pretty mainstream, white gay man I completely respect your anger, Queer Black Woman. I am also appalled at the quickness of so many white gay men and lesbians to point fingers, and then to get snippy when being called out on their privilege.

To Rob Barton and Michael (the two dumb white men)

Please do us all a favor and get a clue because you both are apparently too dumb to realize that it's you, in particular, that this letter is addressing. Neither of you seem to understand racism nor do you understand what it means to be racist.

In order to have a real discussion about racism in the LGBT community, we must first address the privileges associated with gender, class, race, etc. It's these privileges in particular that define racism and is why nothing she says is in fact racist.

As a lesbian woman of color, the writer does not have the same privileges the two of you have as white men. So your unwillingness to even read her article or discuss her ideas is far more offensive than her comment about dumb white people and further illuminates your own privilege, arrogance and ignorance.

There is a bitter irony in a woman objecting to being lumped in with the entire black community who starts off her rant by insulting every single white LGBT individual at the rally. Pot, meet kettle.

As a gay white man, I share her concern that the black community is unfairly being blamed for losing the Prop 8 battle. However, the small role the black community played in the vote does in no way absolve them of the issue at hand. If 2 out of every 3 black people don't believe in equal opportunity for LGBT individuals, it doesn't matter if we're talking about 30 black people or 300,000--there is still a statistically significant issue of ignorance, or homophobia, or bitterness, or whatever you'd like to call it, in the black community when it comes to LGBT. Why? Because the total measure won by only 5%, not 33%, which means (if you do the math) that other communities (white, Hispanic, Native American, Asian) were probably not as biased as the black community. And while the black vote didn't necessarily tip the scale in California, who's to say that it wouldn't do so in other states?

I don't know how to heal the divide, other than to emphasize LGBT rights, period, regardless of race, and I think the No on 8 ads--even if they weren't all that persuasive--managed to send that message. But lumping all the white LGBT individuals into one group is as bad as those who lump all the blacks together--and two wrongs don't make a right.

The struggle for civil rights for all minorities links us together, and we need to cooperate and support each other rather than to blame and fight against each other. Both movements have existed through the same time the same time and have been intertwined. Black civil rights leader Bayard Rustin (one of Dr. King's top advisors) said back in 1987: "The barometer of where one is on human rights questions is no longer the black community, it's the gay community. Because it is the community which is most easily mistreated." Remember, an injustice to any of us is an injustice to us all. It matters not what is the level of the offense, but that there is any offense at all. Most while people understand it was religious prejudice fueled by conservative religious leaders of all colors who used fear and belief systems to overcome logic, reason and fairness. Don't let Faux news divide and conquer.

It's interesting to me that some of the white gay men posting here jump right onto the one line this woman wrote about "dumb white people" and go no further to respond to the very valid things she says about what she experienced at the No on 8 Rally.

Where's your outrage about the comments of our white cohorts? Why are you in such a rush to point out your charge of "reverse discrimination" but don't have a second to validate this woman's experience as a queer person of color in a white-dominated movement?

Face it. The LGBT community rushed to judgment on the issue of Prop 8 and the African American vote. People said stupid, damaging things, based on misinformation fed to us by inaccurate exit polls, and now we are playing even more catch up on race relations than before.

Let's please focus on building bridges and letting LGBT people of color lead discussions on these issues so that there can be some alliance building with the mainstream communities of color. Otherwise, we'll just see a rerun of this election the next time we have to fight this fight again.

I am in an ltr with a white trans woman.

In my 4 decades plus in and mostly out of queer communities, she was the first white trans woman I met. I have more trans woman friends than many folks have gay friends.

Its been three years, and I am still taking her ass to school on anti oppression.

white = stupid is an extremely fair statement.

and Mija, the mythical creature isn't the black queer woman for some of us. The myth is the white queer who Gets It.

Other than that, fine article. Keep speaking your truth. Just talk real slow, white people are not the sharpest shovels in the shed, ya'know.

I am a man who voted for a black man to be President because he was the best candidate running. I don't blame the black community. Even without any blacks voting, Prop 8 would still have passed.
The Mormons were the cause of Prop 8 passing, the huge sums of money raised by these freaks and their outreach from Utah, bringing people in from that state. Speaking about a patriarchal institution historically used to oppress women, that is the Mormon religion. How Ms. Serna Freewomyn a Mormon can call herself a free woman or liberated is a mystery to me. My friend Gloria Steinem would not approve of her.

People can think I'm racist all they want. It doesn't change the fact that the post prop-8 rallies in California, as well as discussions online have illuminated and exacerbated the racism existing in our own community.

That is why a discussion about racism in the LGBT community is needed because it will be impossible for us all to come together when race is constantly being rendered invisible by LGBT leaders and organizations (did anyone else happen to see the No on Prop 8 TV ads? I counted 3 people of color out of all of them). And not just race, the poor, immigrants, gay youth, women, transgender...that list is in no way exhaustive.

But back to the point, there has been a lot of blame placed on the African American community over the passage of Prop 8 and there have been discussions about reaching out to minority communities. In some cases, that discussion has gone like this, white LGBT telling LGBT of color that they need to address the problem of homophobia in their communities and telling LGBT of color HOW to talk about the problem of homophobia in their communities...and yet, there is very little mention about the problem of racism in the LGBT community.

Before we can even talk about the homophobia in minority communities, we're going to need to address the racism and the other '-isms' and '-phobias' within our own community. And that discussion can't happen without a discussion of 'white privilege' which can show up (and has in this discussion) in different ways like, for example, telling LGBTs of color how they must script the discussion so that it is acceptable to white LGBTs.

That approach will get us no where and is beyond insulting.

I think that there are a few disparte issues that need to be addressed in this dialogue. As a white, gay, southern man, I didn't really get white privilege for a long time. You have to understand that most (not all, but most) white gay's move to urban centers where we live and work and befriend people of color. I know I fled to a big city as soon as I could get away from the small town where I grew up so I could be a big ole homo. Thus, we live and work and befriend and yes even date people of color, but many of us don't get the whole white privilege thing. We don't really consider ourselves racist, racist people burn crosses and wear hoods. You can ask any white gay what they think about racism, and you'll probably get some form of this answer along with how horrible racism is.

As a white gay man, I can go pretty much anywhere I want. I have no trouble hailing a cab, and I grew up in a culture of not whether I would go to college, but where. The only oppression I have ever experienced has been "being a gay." But only the people whom I choose to reveal this to or whom I overhear making a homophobic remark can offend and oppress me. I am not a woman who has to deal with a glass ceiling, misogny, equal work for less pay. I am not an African American who deals with being followed around in stores because I might be a thief, who has to deal with stereotypes and a host of other issues. I am not Hispanic and accused of being ignorant because I choose to speak the language of my family and not learn English. Like I said, I am a white gay man.

To the author and others, please forgive us.

Many white gays and lesbians have never considered what it means to be a person of color. I have tried and know that on the large part I still don't get a lot of it, but I have tried.

Many of us assume that, because we live in urban centers and know people of color that we aren't racists, as the author pointed out, yes we can be and are. Again my appologies.

Many of us aslo wrongly assume that because we are gay, we are oppressed, which in some form is true. In this same manner, we assume that anyone who has ever been oppressed is going to be with us on every issue. It's simply not true.

I live in Washington, DC a city with an extreme difference in income levels among whites and people of color. African American's in DC see two white gay boys move onto their block and see gentrification on the way. White gay boys in DC have taken over historically African American neighborhoods and priced out families that have lived there for generations. The two little white gay boys saw a condo or row house for a steal, I can only assume that the African Americans who live on the street think, there goes the neighborhood, they're taking over our space again.

My point to all of this is 1) we white gay people don't really get it when it comes to race relations we honestly think we're ok, but as has beenp pointed out, we're not 2) you don't have to forgive us, but we do need to be called out in a constructive way that helps us to learn and better understand the perspectives and experiences of people of color 3) I believe that we can work together, to educate, support and change this great nation of ours for the better of all.

And one last time, at least this white gay boy offers his appologies for our profound stupidity.

Clearly race and gender issues need to be continually, and actively worked upon in the lgbt community. When our community gets it wrong, we need to speak out (as we have been) and clear the air. At the same time, we need to realize no matter how far we come there will always be someone saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing - but through it all, we need to recognize our sisters and brothers who do get it.

Just like when we work with straight people - we could say, "Screw you all - you don't get it". But it doesn't do us any good. In addition to venting our anger, and protesting, and those sometimes necessary actions, we also reach out to them, and work to educate them, and even work to make them our allies. We call them out when they miss the mark, but we let them know that we appreciate their support when they get it right. Together we build a movement bigger than ourselves.

We need to keep faith in each other, and when we lose it, work to build it. Our fates are tied, we are in it together. Let's make it work. Let's work for positive change.

Don't give up on each other! Don't give up the fight for equality!

Points from a white, middle-class bisexual male:

* it seems that some white people find it impossible to even attempt to deal with what an angry and irrational queer person of color has to say, especially when race is part of the discussion - when they'd have no trouble granting that same privilege to an angry and irrational white person on another topic

* no detailed mea-culpas here, the state campaign fucked up, it's that simple - fucked up its interactions with communities of color, and the queer people within them; they also screwed up a lot of other things... including the post-election communications and messaging (as the author points out) - that said, major fuck ups happen in every campaign, and hopefully our leadership will learn from them and be more effective next time; as a local "leader" here in Santa Cruz, I acknowledge our own shortcomings in this area, and will state that I'm absolutely determined to fix them, even if I do risk appearing to be a clueless white person (which is the white liberal/progressive's worst fear) in the process

* the anger here is understandable, and unproductive in a certain sense(1), but productive in another, in that it gets a conversation started (once again) about race and racism - we just have to deal with this as a community, we can't have sisters and brothers in arms feeling this alienated, we've got to confront our own inadequacies and make doing so a priority

(1) are queer people of color obligated to always be Jackie Robinson, and not express themselves in ways that could potentially alienate white people? I don't think so

* the author's first paragraph contains a rhetorical trap that it is very tempting for white people to fall into; it is an excellent test of how serious the white reader is about actually reading her entire column and hearing her out - it is interesting to see how successful the she was in doing so, based on the comments here, and my own initial reaction

** I'll state the rhetorical trap explicitly: the author's apparent conviction that white gay people are all upper-middle class trendoids, echoing media stereotypes, is utterly beside the point (although not a terribly productive way to start a conversation about stereotypes and false perceptions with a generic white/queer audience) - the systematic significance and impact of that mis-perception pales by comparison to that of the manifestations of systemic and institutional racism highlighted in this article - if you let yourself get distracted by this, you're demonstrating cluelessness, you've failed the IQ test - go back to the beginning, and re-read the entire article

* Coda. Even though I am married (bisexuals do get to exercise that particular heterosexual privilege when we happen to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex/gender), I have no particular investment in the institution, per se, either. - equal marriage doesn't help my friends in multi-partner relationships, or the many folks whose relationships are significant but aren't appropriate for a wholesale financial and legal merger. That said, like the author, I think those who want access should have it, and unlike the author - and her choice is totally valid (2), I made it a priority, because of the larger principle and the symbolic significance a win would have had, politically, for the queer community as a whole, and for minority communities of all sorts

(2) acknowledging my limited information, it seems entirely reasonable to me that the author and the communities she is a part of and works within face significantly greater challenges on a daily basis than those the symbolic denial of marriage rights, or even the practical liabilities imposed by lack of access to the rights accorded married people by the federal government

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