Alex Blaze

About that "behind-the-scenes effort underway to change the focus of the discussion"

Filed By Alex Blaze | December 24, 2008 8:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Marriage Equality
Tags: Andrew Sullivan, Barack Obama, Bil Browning, bob ostertag, chris crain, conspiracy theories, humorous blog post, Jasmyne Cannick, john cloud, Melissa Etheridge, Michael Crawford, please don't take this seriously, rick warren, sarcasm, seaqwa, snark

I need your help, Projectors. I have to come forward with the secrets that seaQwa has only begun to uncover. I hope that by speaking out against the secret conspiracy to silence queer people that Bil Browning's been engaged in that others, like you, will come forward with other pieces of this conspiracy. Use the comments on this thread to speak out against this and other vast queer conspiracies.

Yes, Bil Browning is in league with some of the less savory elements of the LGBT community. While seaQwa only uncovered his conspiracy with Chris Crain, Melissa Etheridge, and Andrew Sullivan, that's only part of the story. What they didn't know about or lacked the courage to relate (and I understand why; these are some dangerous folks) is that Jamie Kirchick, Bob Ostertag, Michael Crawford, and even Jasmyne Cannick are a part of this undercover attempt to silence queer responses to Rick Warren.

You're probably asking "Why?" And I'll tell you why: Rick Warren's rugged good looks, profusive sensuality, and smart-but-sexy fashion sense. I don't know about the other conspirators, but that's my understanding of Bil's involvement. (The boy gets hot and bothered at the site of a Hawaiian shirt... oh la la.) Bil couldn't stand to have his dream-crush Rick Warren insulted in LGBT media, so he put together a rag-tag band of crack clandestine players known as the Gang of Eight to silence Warren's opposition.

But I must speak out. While this powerful club of A-Gays has long since been recognizable through their strict adherence to the same narrow set of political beliefs (have you ever seen Jasmyne Cannick and Andrew Sullivan disagree on anything? I think not), they've managed to escape detection by even the most astute readers through their ruthless silencing tactics like "blogging," "telling it like it is," and "hey, send me an email about that some time and we'll talk."

Far too many people have been harmed in their campaign to silence their opposition, and I'm scared. I'm scared for my community, my country, my continent, and, well, myself. I live shockingly close to Bil, and the only thing protecting me now is the fact that it's such a hassle to drive all the way up to Hamilton County, what with the weather being so bad and all.

I beg for safety, but these secrets can no longer be kept silent. All I pray is that all of Bil's damn dogs continue to be too distract him from the trip up here and that Indiana remains a fairly unattractive place to visit... for murder!

***

OK, I've wasted too much time on this already, and it has to stop somewhere. Have fun in the comments, read this if you want to know the reference and have a good, long weekend if your employer isn't a douchebag who's making you go in on Friday.


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OK, rugged good looks? Smart but sexy fasion sense? Rick Warren? That was snark, right?

The man looks like he completely passed over the part about the sin of gluttony....

Obviously, I didn't understand that it was actually a conspiracy. Yikes. And here, I thought it was either spin or the "natural result of media dialectics".

And so... Does that mean Rachel Zoll of Associated Press is part of this conspiracy? Is she, too, overcome by the Santa-like good looks, profusive sensuality of Rick Warren.

As far as I know, she's a hired hand brought in early to give an air of mainstream credibility to the Gang of Eight.

But I wouldn't be surprised if you were right. Rick Warren is one sexy daddy, and not many people have the ability to resist.

What gives some people that ability, well, that's a whole 'nother branch of this conspiracy theory.

Oh, oh... you're clearly starting to get too deep into this LGBTQF conspiracy, the outlines of which I missed.

And we all know that can be very dangerous. Watch out, Alex.

Oh... And one more thing: AP's Zoll is, I believe, based in Chicago (or, if she isn't she's probably been there once or twice) and we all know that that means.

If it is a conspiracy it is one that smells like the Democratic party...but I think the conspiracy theory gives far too much credit to our community.

The LGBTs have been properly trained to be obedient and subservient to the Party, that's for damn sure...but, conspiracy? no.

Groupthink - HELL YES!

Woot!

We've still got 3 weeks to watch Warren wiggle out of the fix he's in, and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it before I get too reasonable. Any bets on whether he'll gnaw his own foot off?

There's no sense in getting reasonable before the inauguration. This story seems to just get bigger and better. Rachel Maddow's take on it last night was great: Rick Warren has the ability to lighten the blow on Obama by just shutting up or actually reaching out, but he's not going to take that path.

I hear that:
Bil is writing a dedication for the millionth edition of The Purpose Driven Life;
Jasmyne is completing her new opus, Homophobic Invocators for Dummies;
Sullivan is blogging about "virtual capitulation" to the elite; and
Etheridge is creating a new institute at Harvard on Rock n Roll and Religion with her partner running the program on Judaism.

Luckily we still have Pam at the Blend, though she's been forced underground by the cabal after she called for a boycott on Hawaiian shirts.

Hey wait a minute... Now I get it. Rick Warren wears Hawaiian shirts. And Obama is on vacation, where? HAWAII.

The plot sickens!

Hears hoping all Projectors (whether part of the grand conspiracy or in the underground) have a really great holiday. Thanks for a wonderful year of breaking news and insightful opinion.

Cindy

Hey wait a minute... Now I get it. Rick Warren wears Hawaiian shirts. And Obama is on vacation, where? HAWAII.

That's what makes me glad I posted this online. It's observations like that that would have fallen through the cracks unless we put our minds together.

How this works with the Kennedy assassination, the truth about 9/11, and the fake birth certificate Barack Obama put forward to cover up his status as a secret Muslim, I don't know just yet. But I have a bottle of vodka and I think it just might make these pieces fit together.

"I live shockingly close to Bil, and the only thing protecting me now is the fact that it's such a hassle to drive all the way up to Hamilton County, what with the weather being so bad and all."

For those national readers who have no idea what Hamilton County is, it is one county north of Marion County, which is essentially Indianapolis make into a giant rectangular pixel on Google Earth.

Hamilton County has, and still largely is, one of the most solidly Republican areas of the country, and law enforcement records indicate that Alex himself has been arrested for "driving while queer" around 96th and Meridian, which forms the county's southern boundary. What he's saying is that Bil doesn't venture up there much because the whole city of Carmel is a virtual gated community of about 70,000 and Jerame has't yet figured out the password. The weather has nothing at all to do with it. (I would have used a stated figure just under 69K but then this would have turned this into an impolite sex-obsessed site and I know how much Bil's detractors HATE politeness.

Alex accuses (on Christmas Eve Day, of all really crass and insensitive things) Bil of being part of a giant conspiracy concerning the national dialogue on Rick Warren. Bil and Jerame live near a section of Indianapolis called Irvington, where all kinds of other conspiracies abound, so I'm not all that surprised. Bill Ayres was seen at a small corner coffee show there holding a newspaper with a small picture of Barak Obama in the lower right hand corner of the front page, while Bil was across the street filling up his gas tank and bitching about $4.50 gasoline. Although he didn't glance in the shop's direction, we all KNOW about that clever subterfuge, don't we?

I also have to confess that after recently watching a reprocessed episode of the original Star Wars trilogy, I adopted a Yoda-like relationship with Bil Skywalker, er, Browning in which I trained him in pronouncing the word "hate" in various ways so as to differentiate Fred Phelps from Rick Warren from Judy Garland. When he balked concerning the latter of the three I chewed him out for being insensitive and not inclusive.

That got Wayman Hudson out of joint and I got a nasty message concerning my ageism and how it was wrecking the civility that had begun to blossom on the Bilerico comment threads. I promised to make a big contribution to the "Repeal Florida's Proposition 2" and that settled him down at least for the holidays.

After Obama is sworn into office January 20th I hear that there will be a Truth and Reconciliation Commission to try and unravel what appears to be a big blogger Ponzi scheme where Alex has invested in Bilerico Media promising a 12% annual rate of return but Bil is secretly putting the money in Saddleback Ministries with no hope of ultimate return.

The Commission may also be able to find out the Carmel password for Jerame. But don't hold your breath.

Don't be fooled by my profile, which I set up to protect myself. Where I'm living now is technically unincorporated, so that's why I'd say "Hamilton County."

Oh no! I've said too much!

Password: RichWhiteRepublicans

It's a universal password in Carmel, Indiana.

Thanks Alex (and Cindy)!

I needed a good laugh. Well done!

You're all a real bunch of fruitcakes.

Alex, if you are worried about being knocked off for speaking out, just be glad to don't fly a small airplane.

Perhaps we should change the tagline to "LGBTQF"....

Well, at least you got the 'crack' part of it right - if you meant that those people were high on it.

It's all so clear now..... the 'Judas Eight'.... well have to be careful now that they know that we know and even worse we now know that they know that we know who they are which is way more dangerous than knowing who they aren't...... now the question is: do we know who we are?

Come on down to the farm in Knox county. From my home on a hilltop you can see another queer coming at you from a mile away. Bil would never get to you....