Michael Crawford

Need Help: Clueless about the Super Bowl

Filed By Michael Crawford | February 01, 2009 4:30 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Entertainment
Tags: Arizona Cardinals, gay sports, Pittsburgh Steelers, super bowl

I confess until a tv reporter jammed a microphone in my face the other day that I was oblivious to the Super Bowl mania that is apparently gripping the nation. When the reporter asked "What team are you rooting for on Sunday?" my first "Beltway bubble" thought was "Sunday? The vote for RNC chair is happening NOW."

Anyhow, consider this an open thread were you can help educate us about the wonders of football and vote for which team you think will win.


Poll Answers

If like me, you are without a clue, check out Outsports' Super Bowl XLIII for the Clueless.


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LOL! I'm a huge Giants fan (and have been since I was a kid); last year was a huge surprise and will hold me for another 18 years until NY wins again! ;)

Best SB memory however- when one of my best friends arrived for our party with frozen mini-quiches and S'mores fixings. He also read a book while the game was on and only closed it to watch the commercials.

Word to the wise: all of the above actions SCREAM "clueless about the Super Bowl" and football in general.

Super Bowl: one gang of fat ass millionaires will chase around another gang of fat ass millionaires while the audience has pepsi shoved up their ass and a moronic sell out hawks his new record at the half time.

at least, that's what i heard...

As always, the NY Times tells you all you need to know in this multi-media tour of the body of the Cardinals's Darnell Dockett:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/01/31/sports/football/20090131-dockett-audio.html

(As a rabidly ex-priest, it will nevertheless be hard to root for the Cardinals.)

Well, Super Bowl XLIII is over, and the team I didn't pick is the winner. But the Cardinals made them work hard for that trophy. When Heather and I de-briefed afterwards, she told me crisply that she never bets on football...just on the horses.

Like it, not like it, the Super Bowl is an American spectacle that is fascinating to study. I noted the oh-so-obvious family-friendly presence of gospel singers during both the national anthem and Bruce Springsteen's performance. I wondered if the Boss had the last word, though, in that moment when he had the microphone sticking up between his legs like an erect you know what.

I never liked it. I like to gamble but prefer horses competing rather than men. I have a nephew by marrige, Woody Johnson who owns the New York Jets. In a way I am glad ticket sales are falling off due to the economic meltdown. Billionaires and ball players are too arrogant thinking they own the world. Brute force with money or muscle. No wonder males are so homophobic. It comes from grammer school playground and sports. Football gives men permission to love one another. Sick.

White heirs (slave masters) of large American fortunes (McClatchy (newspapers), Johnson (pharmaceuticals), Bush (oil, financials), Magowan (Safeway) ect) buy teams and stock their stables with black brute force (well paid slaves) athletes and all of America buys in to it as being a good citizen. The religious gospel at half time and praying before games to win just tops the whole sickness off as a minstrel show of decadence.

Clueless queers everywhere, take heart that you have plenty of company. As huge as we take it to be, "clueless about the Super Bowl" describes the vast majority of the world's population. Three billion people living in India, China, and Indonesia, for the most part, couldn't care less --- unless we were to offer them free tickets and airline flights.

P.S. Charles, please come down from orbit. Just think of the Super Bowl as the Tony Awards for straight people.

I've never truly been able to give my heart over to American Football. I watch it, I've even attended a professional game in Cleveland during a work-visit there with a friend who worked at the Fed there. There is no American equivalent to the excitement in the last few seconds of a game as Ronan O'Gara scores in a rugby match at home.

Loving football is part of a Texan's DNA.

I was parked in front of the TV watching every second of the Super Bowl. I was also happy to see Mike Tomlin make history along with the Steelers.