Yasmin Nair

I Support Gay Marriage

Filed By Yasmin Nair | April 01, 2009 5:30 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Marriage Equality
Tags: gay marriage, marriage equality, marriage politics, same-sex marriage

Added June 24: Readers of this post are strongly advised to look closely at the date of publication.

As regular readers of Bilerico know, I've written a lot of posts critical of gay marriage. I've received a great deal of criticism for my views and my knee-jerk, pseudo-lefty, wanna-be-feminist knee-jerk response has always been to sneer at them in disdain.

But, recently, I've been rethinking my views on gay marriage. A lot of commenters have made excellent points. For instance, one reminded me that "there are also LGBT community members fighting for economic justice within their communities of color," and that single fact blew me away. Even as a person of color, I had never thought about those connections. And yet another put it succinctly: "We are just as good as anyone else and deserve the same rights as all citizens." Of course, I thought, we are as good as anyone else. Surely we too deserve marriage.

And thinking along those lines, I began to wonder: what was really keeping me from fighting for gay marriage? What was my resistance really about? I've spent the last few weeks mulling over those questions and the result has been a drastic shift in my perspective. I have decided to come out for gay marriage. But first, I wanted to share the reason for my prior resistance to marriage.

I'm single. And I hate it. I've never been able to admit that to anyone, but there it is. The fact is that everything about the single life is repulsive to me. All those meaningless one-night stands, all those days of networking and, no pun intended, single-minded focus on my career -- all of that was eating me up from the inside. But over the years, because I've found it so hard to find anyone to even date me, I've cast myself as someone who doesn't care and who criticises what I insisted was society's undue emphasis on coupledom. All the while, I have secretly longed to find and be with my one true love and leave this ugly life of singledom behind in the dark where it belongs.

But, of course, what would be the point of finding that love if society won't recognise my newly exalted status? It's not enough to have my love valued in the eyes of God (I've also found Christianity) and my friends. That relationship is nothing if it's not valued by the State and if I can't have the 1000+ benefits I deserve. Only marriage will provide that for me.

Marriage would also give me health care. I've been falsely trumpeting the benefits of universal health care but, let's face it, that's not coming any time soon. More importantly, universal health care is simply UN-AMERICAN. This is the land of free enterprise and we are rewarded for our hard work, for pulling ourselves up by our own shoelaces. Or putting on our own shoes. Whatever. You get my point. Only two kinds of people deserve health care: People who can demonstrate their commitment to each other, and hard-working people with jobs that give them health care.

I support gay marriage because marriage is the only way for a civilised society to recognise and reward those citizens who do the right thing: work hard, love with commitment, contribute to their communities, and make this country better and stronger with every passing day.

I support gay marriage because I cannot wait for the day when my love will be recognised by the power of the State. I have turned my back on the hideous, meaningless hedonism of single life and can only pray to my new-found God that all my single and so-called radical queer friends will also find their way to this blessed state. And on that note, I should also add that I no longer use the q-word: I am now simply and solely a lesbian.

I support gay marriage because I know marriage will make me a better person, a better citizen, more loving, more kind, more just, and a better and more productive member of my community. I haven't yet found anyone to marry, but I know that my efforts to find the One Of My Dreams have been blocked by the negative energy I've carried around with me all these years. My quest to be whole is now unimpeded by my false anti-gay marriage politics. Eventually, I know, I will find Her: a sweet, loving lesbian who works for HRC, with excellent benefits, perfect teeth, and a shining, happy outlook on life. Together, we will adopt children from a third world country and give thanks each day for the joys of our union.


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Yasmin,

Will you marry me? (" because I know marriage will make me a better person, a better citizen, more loving, more kind, more just, and a better and more productive member of my community.")

Love,

Jess

Jess,

Of course! And we'll have cake and balloons and streamers (or wait, is that for birthdays only?) and angelic little children to carry our rings and veils. The whole nine yards, because only the best will do for you.

Love,
Yasmin

And a honeymoon to somewhere tropical/colonial, too?!?!

Oh, sweetness, now you're being a tad Bride-zilla-ish. But, what the hell, of course, anything for you!

Wait a minute - am *I* the breadwinner in this marriage?

Damn, I was going to ask Yasmin, Jess!

But would that be a gay wedding?

*scratches head*

If the three of you did it, it would be a poly queer wedding. This is going to be such a festive spring. I wish the three of you so much happiness.

Yes, to Bil, and Mattilda, and Jess, and Greg, you should join us too - a giant ultra-queer wedding to top all weddings. Shouldn't that be the mantra for the GM movement - to reach marriage saturation?

As do I, Mattilda, as do I, to you any day!

*laughs* I hear you can get a few kids in Malawi, but you'd best hurry before Madonna snatches them all up.

Sher,
Oh, I won't worry - after all, the entire continent of Africa awaits, and is filled with millions of unwanted children!

Yes, and there is always Romanian or Asian babies. Maybe you and your new 'family' can move to Utah, where I hear that only teh Gays can adopt kids these days. They can rescind the polygamy laws and you lot can be one big happy family. You and your sister wives and brother husbands...yup.

You are so darn funny! You almost got me there for a sec. Then I saw the Christianity thang.... and oh well... naivete went out the window. Happy April's Fools to you too sweetie!!!!

I'm checking it out as we speak!

Cathy Renna Cathy Renna | April 1, 2009 7:44 PM

As much as I actually agree with some of this (really), I do appreciate your sense of humor. If we can't make fun of each other, who can we make fun of???

you and I... we'll get married.

then we can do the lesbian version of "big love."

at least we'll be rich...

Sara,

Rich beyond our wildest dreams - you know how much the hetero world likes lesbian threesomes/orgies.

you know it... and if I'm going to do reality TV, let's make it fun.

Jen Gaboury | April 1, 2009 10:38 PM

Happy April Fool's Day to you too.

JEN! Long time - so lovely to "see" you here! Let's talk soon?

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | April 2, 2009 12:44 AM

In that I turned off my computer for all of April 1 to evaluate the success of the Asian "worm" I want to congratulate you for having (my awful opinion) the best and most thought provoking posting of April Fools.

You are right, I never felt the need of church or government to do anything but get out of my personal stuff. They are rather like an overly nosy mother.

This like the annual May lst edition for every Socialist/Communist wannabe is a Right of Spring :)

Happy April 1st Jasmin, but I am taken :)

Thanks. And, oh damn, Robert - I'll just have to fly down there to persuade you to marry me! :-)

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | April 2, 2009 8:28 AM

"...damn Robert..." it seems I have been addressed that way before. Makes me nostalgic for all those lovely family reunions. :)

As another single person . . . ah . . . I'll marry you. You're so cute. (grin) Come to Atlanta.

Really liked that second paragraph... :)

Monica,
I'm there on the next plane :-)

Alex, I thought you'd like that one!

Isa Kocher | April 5, 2009 7:30 AM

you really just reinforce and justify and validate the phony false mythological agenda of the rabid heterosexist homophobic theocratic fascist Rick Warren Benny Dictator despots who have redesigned the idea and ideals of "marriage" to empower themselves and enrich themselves.

Throughout 1800 years of christianity, church weddings were for the rich and the super rich only, and everyone knew without asking that it was business and politics and about power, period. Throughout most of its history, the eastern and the western branches of the church recognized same gender marriage as "sistering/brothering" and church records show it was common and accepted.

Other religions around the world routinely recognized same gender marriage throughout the majority of human history.

Marriage is about business, ownership, property, use rights, and in-law relations, and children's rights, family health. Always every, universally. LEtting the fascist haters tell us what marriage is hurts everyone. It is not about my "lifestyle" nor about my lust, nor least of all about my emotions: it's about justice, and about justice in particular for children.

If we can't put aside our hatred of heterosexism long enough to recognise the needs of children who can't choose their parents and relatives, then we don't deserve trhe equality we demand. To demand human rights requires recognizing the human rights of the least powerful among us, or its just the same tyrannical despotism as theirs the homophobes' is.