Dana Rudolph

Utah Mandates All Children to Be Raised by LGBT People

Filed By Dana Rudolph | April 01, 2009 2:30 PM | comments

Filed in: The Movement
Tags: April Fool's, utah

In a special session of the Utah Legislature, lawmakers of both houses approved a bill that would require all children born in the state to be raised by LGBT people. A delegation rushed the bill to the governor's desk, where he signed it immediately.

"When you look at all the cases of child abuse in our state," explained Sen. Ty Tass, the bill's primary sponsor, "it is clear that heterosexuals have a pretty poor track record." He cited recent instances of a 19-year-old Orem man who was arrested in connection with the sexual abuse of the 4-year-old daughter of the woman with whom he had been living, the alleged rape of a male student by two of his female teachers, both mothers. "It's in the best interests of the children," Tass asserted.

Under the new law, non-transgender heterosexuals will be required to give up any newborn children to be adopted by an LGBT person or couple. Those who already have children will be allowed to keep them, pending successful evaluation and home study by the Division of Child and Family Services. Those currently fostering children will not be allowed to petition for adoption, but instead must allow the state to place the children in LGBT homes.

The new law supercedes prior Utah law that banned anyone but legally married couples from fostering and petitioning to adopt.

When asked about the sudden about-face, Sen. Tass said, "It became clear to us that placing children with heterosexual parents posed a high risk of danger. While it is possible for some children of heterosexual parents to develop into well-adjusted adults, consider the number of those who have not." He cited Britney Spears, Charles Manson, and Utah native Butch Cassidy as examples of the type of person who could develop after being raised by heterosexual parents.

Rep. Rea Lectme, the bill's House sponsor, added, "Forget the old view that a child needs a parent of each gender. It's well known that men and women are like Mars and Venus. Such contradictory outlooks can only add to rancor in the home. Same-sex parents will provide a more peaceful, stable environment for raising children."

Stores in Salt Lake City are already reporting a critical shortage of "I [Heart] My Mommies" and "I [Heart] My Daddies" t-shirts.


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This is really well done. Very smooth. I can already see it popping up on various websites...

Thanks! Glad you liked it. It was fun to write.

Brilliant! Oh to live in a world such as this... ;)

John Shields John Shields | April 1, 2009 3:06 PM

What a fun April Fools post~!

Brava, Dana! Oh, this is genius and a great read...

Rep. Rea Lectme, the bill's House sponsor, added, "Forget the old view that a child needs a parent of each gender. It's well known that men and women are like Mars and Venus. Such contradictory outlooks can only add to rancor in the home. Same-sex parents will provide a more peaceful, stable environment for raising children."

Couldn't have said it better myself!