I'm one of the grumblers when the number of women present approaches 10% of the crowd at a gay bar (not to be confused with a lesbian bar). While I can appreciate the "relief" you mention felt by female guests, a gay bar's "mission" (as it were) is to provide a place for gay men to associate comfortably with like-minded men and without fear of retribution from those who disagree with our sexual orientation.

I think in larger metropolitan areas (NY, Chicago, etc.) this phenomenon has created an unmet need which I call a "Hag Bar(c)." I envision this type of establishment as one that is open weekdays from mid to late afternoon (Happy Hour) until 10 or 10:30PM, at which time it closes. The hosting gay man is then required to take/send his hag HOME. The gay man, having met his obligation to accommodate his hag with a predator-free evening, is now available to spend his time in the company of men.

i am a queer woman who enjoys the company of gay me, so i am not a man hater. i do recognize each group needs time with one another but i do enjoy and think it important to mingle together. It is bothersome when straight people are coming more and more into gay/lesbian bars/clubs, like in West Hollywood. Many a married couple looking for a 3 way often come a looking. i think gay bars tend to play better music and maybe that's why heteros come a dancing in our places. i have straight friends too and we like to hang together in bars. We take turns going to each others turf.

Many cities in other countries don't have just gay bars and are integrated and accepted in the culture. Maybe that will be more of the case here in the USA in the future.

Warm Regards,
EP

I'm totally ok with women at mist gay bars-- like video bars or loungy type bars.

The only place I feel less comfortable with them is at a hard core leather bar

It's important to distinguish between types of gay bars -- "hang-out" bars and "pick-up" bars. Here in New York, a hang-out bar like Vlada is fine for bringing your hags to hang out. However, I think pick-up bars like The Ritz or The Web ought to be boys-only.

Great answer. I had a female friend who would come out to our bar and score each and every time. She had the best of luck hooking up with some straight guy who inevitably was at the bar for whatever reason i know not. lol. Having said that, i have felt glaring insinuations of invasion from anonymous lesbian women in their bar when i went with my gay aunt of all people at her request. I was always somewhat surprised at the possibility that these women might actually be thinking that i would have ever come there on my own. Mind you, all this occurred when i was much younger than i am now. I think it is understandable for men and women to have their own space if they so desire.

Wow, after reading this article and the comments, I really, really appreciate my local "Cheers" type gay bar, which caters to an assortment of regulars including (mostly) gay men, (many) lesbians, and more than a few straight friends and walk-ins. I am a regular and always have felt very welcome. I sure hope people are not resenting me quietly!

I grew up in the Wilds of Western Pennsylvania, where gay bars were scarcer than hen's teeth--although we did have a few. Those precious safe spaces werre filled with every imaginable kind of person: male and female, gay and straight, and everything in between. There was something wonderful about being able to mix with such a diverse crowd, even if the diversity were one of necessity rather than choice.

That said, I agree with you, Fr. Tony, that some gay male spaces should remain male. A lesbian friend once took me to a rather exclusive lesbian bar where I was the only man, and the other patrons made their discomfort known. They needed an all-female space, and I was invading that. Sometimes we need to be exclusively with our own kind, as it were.

Late to this string - but I must concur with Fr. Tony. The only thing worse than being one of three straight women in the NYC Eagle is being there because the host rugby club has chosen it as the "social" after-match venue for a tournament which has gay, straight, and multi-cultural rugby teams. Plus the food was beyond atrocious and one had to wonder what else happened on that pool table where it was being served. If memory serves (and this was in 2005) our team stayed long enough to be "polite" then most of us decamped to The Half King - where we had a magical night in their little courtyard. I've also made it through the softball lesbian mine field when you get to a restaurant (post-game) earlier than your friends/players. You're with your mother - their friend first - and the people who don't know you ask how long you've been dating. They really frosted up when they heard the truth of it.

I think if you mind your manners and tip well you should be welcome in any establishment. One should never overstay simply to make a point. See McSorley's case law for why this matters. ;->