Dear Not,

A direct question deserves a direct answer, so I'm tempted to say "Get over it", but I guess that would not be helpful.

Let's assume you really like the new boyfriend and that he sprung this on you while you were getting it on, hoping that in the heat of the moment, you'd be willing to try something he likes but suspects you might not like. At least he had he decency to ask.

Many many years ago, a trick (who turned out to be one of my mother's co-workers!) decided to let loose on me. In. My. Bed. I freaked out. I jumped up and said "What the hell are you doing?!" He sheepishly said "I thought you wanted it." After I showed him the door and while I was changing my wine red 400 count Egyptian cotton sheets, I tried to imagine what I might have said or done that made him think I wanted to be pissed upon. I finally concluded that it was what he wanted, and that he was just a cad, taking advantage of a refined and princessular ingénue who was eager to please a taller and more muscular guy who had consumed too much beer and did not know where the bathroom was located. From that day on, the first thing I always said to a trick was "That's the door to the bathroom."

A few years back, I was in the company of a blonde rabbi who had just returned from a DC convention of two thousand piss aficionados. He asked me if I was thirsty. Slow on the draw, I was hoping for a refreshing chardonnay when his real meaning dawned. I politely declined, and he honored my boundaries. (I was not invited back.)

Then there was that time in a tool shed in the backwoods of North Carolina, with strangers watching through the poked out knots in the pine walls. Oy.

Older and wiser now, that particular taboo no longer upsets me. I've been able to oblige several men who have wanted to be on the receiving end of it, without any strong feeling of revulsion.

How did I get to this point? Look at the facts.

• In some cultures, drinking one's own urine is part of an internal cleansing ritual.
• Urine is sterile. In a world anxious with justifiable fear of exchanging body fluids such as blood and semen, urine is a safer man's substitute. I believe that this fact is at the root of what seems to be the growing popularity of the "golden shower".
• Dogs mark their territory with one leg raised. Men are dogs.

I still don't fancy it because it has elements of dominance/submission that do not excite me, and yet, in some ways, it can be a giddy, boyish, playful and harmless experience. And, I really do think it is more popular than most people suppose.

Finally, some taboos can and should be overcome. This may be one of them. In preparing this response, I went to some XXX video sites and did a search for videos that featured golden showers. Some of them were surprisingly hot. One featured a powerful lumberjack of a man standing with his hands on his hips. Slowly, a dark spot appears on the crotch of his jeans and spreads down one thigh. I found it oddly fascinating.

Here is what I suggest. Drink a good amount of water and when you are ready to pass it, take off your clothes and step into the shower. Piss on yourself, and if you can handle it, take it on your face. This ought to help you overcome your disgust. If you find this helpful, you can take it to the next level with your boyfriend. And be sure to use that opportunity to unveil something that you really want him to do.

(I can't believe I just suggested to a total stranger that he should piss on his own face, but I've read it over a few times, and I really think it is something every man should do at least once. It's right up there with tasting one's own semen. Good night, folks. I'm off to take my own medicine.)