Thank you for injecting calm into the growing beehive in my head, Sara.

I am in California and am married to a man and even though we do not have (nor will we have) children I feel a responsibility to those families that do. My anxiety is growing. My jaw is undeniably clenched. My teeth ache. I can't stop looking at the internet like there will be some kind of update that I need to be aware of and will miss if I don't stay tuned in.

I'm sick of these nail biting horse races. We had one here a year ago over the marriage cases. We had one 6 months ago on election day. It seems like things will develop next week that will ensure another ballot race to repeal 8 in the not so distant future. My 43rd birthday is next Saturday. I'm getting too old to be this obsessed with matters over which I have little control. But I can't let the "important gay people" run another campaign into the ground in San Francisco and sit on the sidelines while (and if) the Court affirms the majority's right to restrict my citizenship.

I attended a meeting on Friday after a long day of work with a group of 20-something non-violent activists and was inspired by their courage, commitment, organization and integrity. I wasn't the only middle aged (knock on wood) guy there, but we were in the minority.

I am looking forward to doing more than crying into a candle on Tuesday and marching on the same route that is well worn and listening to the same earnest speeches being delivered by the same earnest people.

Obedience isn't working. Civility is vital and can be upheld. Civil disobedience is called for and I'm heeding the call - for my family and many others both here and outside of California.

Separate is not equal.

The calmness of your post is welcome and needed, I think, although it almost feels like you might be trying to be proactively soften a loss. Still, I understand and agree with your point of view Sara.

I live in Michigan and despite our lovely and very politically savvy democratic governor, Jennifer Granholm, my partner and I are far from having the right to marry here. And the political future in our state is in question because the next early front runner for the office is Mike Cox, our present, republican, attorney general. Mike's anti-gay. He successfully managed to get GM to drop it's program for health benfits for gay partners of employees. Our battle is uphill. Despite being a blue state, much of the rural landscape is decidedly red. Gay marriage is barely a whisp of an idea here, even if grass roots supporters remain hopeful.

Yes, families, in whatever shape or form they gather as, will remain families. The emotional underpinning of a family, however, can be extremely fragile. It seems criminal to me, and I'm sure you'd agree, to allow more instability to the climate of America than already exists. Lets hope on Tuesday that the court upholds human rights and provides stability rather than buckle under narrow minded and often religious pressure.

Separate, but not equal. I agree Patrick. I'll be thinking of you Tuesday. Tread carefully with civil disobedience, ok?