Editors' Note: Projector Toni D'orsay sent in this Then & Now. She is an advocate and activist for the trans community based in Arizona. If you'd like to participate too, send in your before and after photos and lists.
THEN: (December 15th, 1996)
- I was coming close to celebrating Christmas with my family, which had recently grown via birth of my son (also shown, not quite a year old) -- it was a sore spot with my Witness wife.
- I had a problem with being overly macho. Some say I still do...
- I was 10 pounds lighter, and capable of readily lifting my present body weight.
- I was spending every night wishing that the hell I was in would change magically overnight.
- I wore rose colored glasses. On purpose.
- I was negotiating a loan that took my personal company a few months later from 3 people to 14. Three years later, I sold the company for a sum that I wish I still had.
- I was quietly working on a national sociology project that was wiped out by 9/11
- I had recently set up DSL at my then home, a tiny, cramped apartment
- I was scared of everything, and did a lot to hide that fear.
- I was pretty happy.
NOW: (April 23rd, 2009 - State ID photo)
- I am not a guy. That wish came true.
- I have a wonderful boyfriend
- I haven't spoken with my son in a year (today), haven't seen him in a bit longer.
- I had my first Christmas tree in over a decade this past Christmas
- I wear contacts. Clear ones. On purpose.
- I haven't worked since I started transition -- and subsist on less than 500 a month.
- I can't use my education without using my old name.
- I use a wireless internet connection that allows me to be highly mobile and online all the time.
- I am scared of very little -- and each time I find a fear (like, say, showing pictures of how I used to be) I face it.
- I had to give up everything I cared for and loved, from people to material possessions to ideas and hopes and dreams. And I've gained all new stuff back tenfold over what I lost. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy -- the benefits are too great.
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I see your journey as one from Dyssonance to Harmony. Maybe it's time for a name change? ;-)
Abby | May 24, 2009 3:02 PM
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And you wear fabulous earrings. Are you a Taurus?
ewe | May 24, 2009 11:53 PM
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I am a Taurus and I do not wear earrings...
Your bravery rivals what any war veteran could claim. Please take my sincere wishes for your best outcomes in all future things.
Now, more about the boyfriend perhaps?
Robert Ganshorn | May 25, 2009 9:35 AM
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My apologies for the delay -- I was marking the holiday.
nah -- Dyssonance has less to to with physical and emotional, and far more to do with being that voice in the chorus that is not quite in tune.
But yes -- there was a great deal of shifting towards harmony.
Thank you on the earrings, lol. I don't have near enough. I am an Aquarian, cusp with Capricorn. Taurus, however, I get along with generally pretty well-- I just soften the earth beneath them when they become inconvenient.
My bravery is nothing. My courage is minimal -- even under fire I did what any reasonable person would do -- I shot back 'cause I was scared to die.
I am, simply, that stubborn. Possibly why the note about being Taurus. It took me man, many years to make a decision, and once I did, that was all there was for it.
I appreciate it, but courage and bravery are not needed to transition. All it takes is obstinate endurance, and a knowledge of yourself.
Knowing thyself, now, well, *that* takes courage.
The boyfriend, he's mine. And I'm greedy, lol
Antonia D'orsay | May 26, 2009 3:43 AM
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I love the rose-colored glasses personally. What a great way to see the world. :)
Bil Browning | May 26, 2009 8:47 AM
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Its actually pretty wonderful -- but has its downsides...
Antonia D'orsay | May 26, 2009 2:23 PM
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