Last Saturday, comedian Wanda Sykes delivered a round of very, very impolite commentary about respected conservative scholar Rush Limbaugh in front of a room of very sensitive journalists last week at the National Correspondents Dinner. But in a one-two punch last night, Sykes's wife Alex gave birth to twins. The move puts Sykes's comments beyond reproach, thus winning her the debate.
In prepared comments at the dinner, Sykes called Limbaugh the "20th hijacker, but was just so strung out on OxyContin he missed his flight," a reference to the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, and Limbaugh's abuse of prescription painkillers. She also said that he should be waterboarded.
Limbaugh gained little notoriety last year as he called then presidential candidate Barack Obama "Osama" an estimated 1493 times or for his repeated playing of a song entitled "Barack the Magic Negro," a reference to the then presidential candidate's race. He has also repeatedly defended
torture harsh interrogation techniques such as waterboarding, but it's OK when he does it because we assume he wasn't talking about white Americans.
Many in the Washington press corps suffered deeply from Sykes's comments. While there were no casualties, injuries from fainting spells were widespread and many work-hours were lost due to cases of the vapors.
Respected and serious news commentator Pat Buchanan said Sykes "hurt the dinner." When asked whether he would respond to claims that his presence at any event hurts all who attend, Buchanan refused comment.
The very mainstream syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin insulted Sykes by calling her a "liberal" and said that her jokes were a sign of "Rush Derangement Syndrome." Malkin has a long history of diagnosing people with various derangement syndromes previously unknown to modern medicine. In this case, Malkin diagnosed Sykes by video, a technique that's widespread among conservative medical professionals but of dubious credibility.
The comments even shocked the sensibilities of America's overseas allies, causing the Telegraph's Tony Harnden to opine, "What was [Limbaugh's] crime? Hoping that Obama's policies - which he views as socialist - will fail." Fortunately, the injuries Harnden suffered after his fainting spell were minimal and covered by Great Britian's socialist universal health care program.
Harnden continued: "Imagine if a comedian 'joked' that Obama was a terrorist who was guilty of treason and should be tortured and allowed to die." The Bilerico Project was unable to locate an instance where a comedian joked about Obama being a terrorist, since all of the 12,900,000 Google returns for "barack obama" and "terrorist" were discussing comments from conservative scholars, journalists, and politicians, spoken entirely seriously.
Harnden went on to cite other lesbian and black women he found insufficiently respectful to Limbaugh.
The Washington Post's Chris Cillizza asked Monday, "Does Sykes hit back?" The answer from Sykes's wife's uterus is a resounding "Yes!"
Sykes's partner's child-bearing could be a sign of changing tides in the controversy. Sykes came to know motherhood twice last night, which means that Sykes is no longer dangerously childless and endlessly immature, but a chic and sage lesbian mom who can begin incorporating family-friendly humor related to child-rearing into her routines.
The Bilerico Project's Senior Media Expert Alex Blaze called the move a "game changer."
"Brilliant. Fucking brilliant," Blaze remarked. "The media won't know what hit them. I mean, I didn't think when I heard about this faux controversy that Wanda would have such an awesome response, but she did it again. And two kids? It blows my mind. How can anyone criticize her now? She's obviously a quick-thinker in a crisis."
Attempts to explain to Blaze how babies are made were thwarted by his passing out after chugging a full liter of discount-store vodka and screaming "Oh, God, that burns, but life as a blogger is so empty." The Bilerico Project will no longer attempt to interview him after 1PM.
Limbaugh, who is childless, has refused to respond to the comment that he was a terrorist but is rumored to be considering adopting several children from third-world countries to out-do Sykes's twins. The Bilerico Project's news analysts consider that unlikely, since he's a racist fuckchop who'd make an awful parent and no adoption agent would ever be so stupid as to give him a child.