Dear Father Tony,
I am a very lonely and sex-starved 23-year-old gay man with mild Tourette Syndrome characterized by motor and facial tics. I repeat, mild tics. I am well aware of the fact that I am different and that most guys will not understand (or even care to understand) my situation. I am fortunate to have a few very good friends. I love them. They keep me sane. I have however given up on romantic love . I can accept my situation as a single man, and I know that there are many lonely men everywhere with all varieties of quirk, but I cannot accept the fact that sex is off limits to me unless I pay for it. I want everyone to know (anonymously) how humiliating it is for a man like me (young, hung and in excellent shape) to have to pay an escort for sex. The humiliation is compounded by the obvious discomfort of some of those paid escorts. I have only two regulars who put me at ease and actually build my self-confidence.
To be clear, I want casual anonymous sex. I agree with what you have written about the dangers of online hookups and I will not jeopardize even the safety of my home, let alone my person. I live in a city with opportunities: a bathhouse, sex clubs and other establishments that facilitate sex but I have had the expected bad times at these places because of how I present. There are also ample online group sex parties held in private homes. My one experience with these was a disaster. The host asked me to leave. Again, I just want to be treated as the normal attractive young gay male that you would see in a still photo of me.
Letter continues after the jump.
My doctors tell me that I may outgrow this condition. I have avoided medication because of the side effects. I have a running joke with them that if it doesn't clear up soon, it won't matter.
My predicament is worsened by the fact that I am sometimes approached by unattractive men who are willing to overlook my tics because they can't score with anyone else. That is sometimes the most frustrating and depressing part of a night out. I actually welcome the occasional mercy-fuck. Is there some secret to my getting well and often laid that you know? My doctors are no help with this. Am I always to be relegated to pornography and masturbation?
On Shaky Ground.
There are some questions to which I know the answer in a flash. This is not one of them. Also, the direct intensity of your letter prohibits my approaching your problem with humor. My disadvantage is compounded by the fact that I have never had sex (to my knowledge) with a Tourette Syndrome man, nor have I ever watched one have sex alone or with others. Another difficulty is the fact that I don't know how your tics manifest themselves. I am guessing that even though they are, as you emphasize, mild, they must be off-putting enough to trump your physical attractiveness.
Let's look first at your expectations and decide if they are justified. You want a suitable potential sex partner(s), in an anonymous setting. This does not seem like an outrageous request. You also want him (them) to disregard the curious aspects of your presentation. That may not be realistic.
I am tempted to pause here for a bit of preaching to the men who have turned you down. I'd like to remind them that no man is flawless, and that whenever they discard whole categories of men as not sexy, they risk missing some great sex and, God forbid, romance. I could go on with this, but it won't help get you laid as you say "well and often."
Here is what I think you should try. Make a video of yourself that clearly depicts the extent and manifestation of your Tourette Syndrome. If you decide to attend a sex party in a private home, let your host see that video. (Be sure to include some footage of your dick and the other physical assets you claim to have. Nothing wrong with putting the best foot forward.) Ask the host to disseminate the video among the other men who plan to participate in the event, explaining that the element of surprise is the problem and that sharing the video will disarm it entirely. It seems to me that only a real cad would avoid a sex party just because one of the attendees has up-fronted the fact of his unusual condition. They should be far more afraid of the ordinary appearing men who are not disclosing the fact of their lice, herpes, hepatitis, HIV, etc. Also, seeing the video ahead of time gives the other men time to come to terms with their feelings. I have been to bathhouses in which there were men in wheelchairs and men with palsy (if you'll pardon a non-medical term from someone who is not sure what term might be preferable). At first encounter, most men would avoid having sex with these folks, but I noticed that the regulars grew comfortable with them and easily allowed them to participate in group sex and actually learned to engage in enthusiastic sex that went far beyond the mercy-fuck. You would be surprised at the logistic opportunities afforded by a wheelchair. (I hope I have not insulted you by drawing a parallel between your situation and those men, but the essential dynamic: common nervous hesitance when confronted by something different or inexplicably "odd" is the same.)
I have a second strategy that you might deploy in a bathhouse or sex club. When you spy a group of guys that interests you, boldly walk right up to them and with a sly smile say "You guys look incredibly hot. I have Tourette Syndrome. Please don't freak. It's not contagious. OK if I stay for a minute?" I can't imagine them saying no. The key here is not to stay too long. You don't want to commandeer the group. You just want to sample it. I guarantee you that if you are as hot as you say you are, at least one of that group will find you for some private play later on. It's really just the breaking of the ice that you need to engineer. Over time, you will develop a roster of regulars.
I hope I run into you someday at one of those venues to see how you are succeeding. Oh, and thanks for the dick shot. You can ticle me Elmo with that thing any time you want.