Bil Browning

Natural Harvest: Semen-based recipes

Filed By Bil Browning | July 24, 2009 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: disgusting recipes, natural harvest, semen, semen recipes

Tired of annoying dinner guests? Got relatives who conveniently drop by unannounced just as you're setting the table? Just leave this book out on the coffee table or kitchen counter: Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. No kidding - this is not your mother's Betty Crocker!

semen_recipes.pngAmericans and Europeans consume vast amounts of milk and other dairy products that consist of mammary excretions from cows. Compared to semen, milk might seem positively disgusting.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic... Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants...

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen.

Thankfully the book warns readers not to try out the recipes on unsuspecting dinner guests, because I'm afraid I'd have to pass on this cuisine. The dish pictured on the front looks positively foul; maybe they should have just gone with a smoothie for the cover...

The top five best semen-based recipe names plus a bonus video after the jump.

While most of the names are pretty darn funny and there's witty commentary sprinkled throughout, here's the top five giggle-inducing recipe names:

  1. Tuna Sashimi with Homemade Dipping Sauce
  2. Man Made Oysters
  3. Creamy Cum Cakes
  4. Almost White Russian
  5. Spunky Candied Pecans

But the creepy winner just because it sounds so innocent until you know the secret ingredient? Chocolate Truffles with White Center

I imagine they'll sell quite a few copies simply for the gross-out factor. I doubt many people are going to try out the recipes though.

The Bonus Video

I should be clear - this has nothing to do with the recipe book. I was searching YouTube trying to find something about the cookbook (maybe a cooking demonstration?) when I stumbled across this video instead.

It's called "Cooking With Semen". The only description is a little vague so you'll get the same delicious (ha!) anticipation I did as you wait for it play.

An animated character reads my short story.

That has to be one of the oddest things I've ever wasted three minutes watching. You?


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Dinnertime! Cum and get it!

what the... who the... how the...
wow, WOW
coulda done something else in that time

Well, that's a more complicated answer to "spit or swallow."

Same salty taste--HALF THE SODIUM!

Isa Kocher | July 25, 2009 1:17 AM

you don't get pregnant from EATING semen. you can't get pregnant from getting semen on your fingers. or does reality have NOTHING to do with it?

Cathy Renna Cathy Renna | July 25, 2009 7:24 AM

I agree - flan was a bad choice for the cover. Were there any recipes with Sprite in them? ;-)

they should market this as a diet book for lesbians, maybe....

A. J. Lopp | July 25, 2009 3:51 PM

Uh, Bil, I don't think it is the cooking properties of semen that makes it a popular late night snack --- I think it has more to do with the collection process.

I, for one, prefer the semen I ingest to be fresh --- very, very, very fresh.

A. J. Lopp | July 25, 2009 4:36 PM

P.S. ... and I forgot to say, this whole post is in very poor taste.

how wonderful! what a great idea this is! and, cathy's take is hilarious, too.

as for "very poor taste" - well i guess that depends on who you are dining with!

A. J. Lopp | July 27, 2009 8:41 PM

... I intended "very poor taste" to be taken tongue-in-cheek ... no, wait, that's yet a different cookbook.

Don't forget pig semen dumplings baby! Semenancy for 2010! Yeah!