Tired of annoying dinner guests? Got relatives who conveniently drop by unannounced just as you're setting the table? Just leave this book out on the coffee table or kitchen counter: Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. No kidding - this is not your mother's Betty Crocker!
Americans and Europeans consume vast amounts of milk and other dairy products that consist of mammary excretions from cows. Compared to semen, milk might seem positively disgusting.
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic... Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants...
Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen.
Thankfully the book warns readers not to try out the recipes on unsuspecting dinner guests, because I'm afraid I'd have to pass on this cuisine. The dish pictured on the front looks positively foul; maybe they should have just gone with a smoothie for the cover...
The top five best semen-based recipe names plus a bonus video after the jump.
While most of the names are pretty darn funny and there's witty commentary sprinkled throughout, here's the top five giggle-inducing recipe names:
Tuna Sashimi with Homemade Dipping Sauce
Man Made Oysters
Creamy Cum Cakes
Almost White Russian
Spunky Candied Pecans
But the creepy winner just because it sounds so innocent until you know the secret ingredient? Chocolate Truffles with White Center
I imagine they'll sell quite a few copies simply for the gross-out factor. I doubt many people are going to try out the recipes though.
The Bonus Video
I should be clear - this has nothing to do with the recipe book. I was searching YouTube trying to find something about the cookbook (maybe a cooking demonstration?) when I stumbled across this video instead.
It's called "Cooking With Semen". The only description is a little vague so you'll get the same delicious (ha!) anticipation I did as you wait for it play.
An animated character reads my short story.
That has to be one of the oddest things I've ever wasted three minutes watching. You?
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Uh, Bil, I don't think it is the cooking properties of semen that makes it a popular late night snack --- I think it has more to do with the collection process.
I, for one, prefer the semen I ingest to be fresh --- very, very, very fresh.
Americans and Europeans consume vast amounts of milk and other dairy products that consist of mammary excretions from cows. Compared to semen, milk might seem positively disgusting.
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We want to know your opinion on this issue! While arguing about an opinion or idea is encouraged, personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of others.
The editorial team will delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, exceptionally incoherent, includes a slur or is soliciting and/or advertising. Repeated violations of the policy will result in revocation of your user account. Please keep in mind that this is our online home; ill-mannered house guests will be shown the door.
Dinnertime! Cum and get it!
what the... who the... how the...
wow, WOW
coulda done something else in that time
Well, that's a more complicated answer to "spit or swallow."
one word.... SWALLOW
Same salty taste--HALF THE SODIUM!
you don't get pregnant from EATING semen. you can't get pregnant from getting semen on your fingers. or does reality have NOTHING to do with it?
I agree - flan was a bad choice for the cover. Were there any recipes with Sprite in them? ;-)
they should market this as a diet book for lesbians, maybe....
Uh, Bil, I don't think it is the cooking properties of semen that makes it a popular late night snack --- I think it has more to do with the collection process.
I, for one, prefer the semen I ingest to be fresh --- very, very, very fresh.
P.S. ... and I forgot to say, this whole post is in very poor taste.
how wonderful! what a great idea this is! and, cathy's take is hilarious, too.
as for "very poor taste" - well i guess that depends on who you are dining with!
... I intended "very poor taste" to be taken tongue-in-cheek ... no, wait, that's yet a different cookbook.
Don't forget pig semen dumplings baby! Semenancy for 2010! Yeah!