I believe what Fr. Tony is also saying is beware of what you wish for as you may get it. Stubborn, I am exactly 56 and the 24 year age spread between myself and my partner is sometimes a burden. By the way, I was 23 when I met him and he is now 80. While neither of us are HIV positive I am dealing as best I can with my partner's decline in quality of life.

In that I know what the end stages of HIV-Aids are like (as you may) another possibility is dementia. Tony is very right, be certain before you proceed because the loss of you later could devastate him.

Also, prepare to find yourself alone when he dies earlier than you. You'll probably be in your 40's by then, very hard time to find a long-term partner in the perilous gay world.

I hope you have taken the age gap into consideration. One of the women I took some cake-decoration courses with would note her unhappiness when a man 30 years older than her would always want to sleep and rest while she still felt energetic and wanted to go out and have vacations. She admitted the man was very good to her (an angel), but she felt completely neutered.

Forgive me for doing some (meaning, a lot!) of arm-chair psychology, but this post is aimed largely at discussing GRAMP, but I think we might do well to also put the focus on Stubborn as well.

I want to ask Stubborn the obvious question that no one has brought up yet: Stubborn, are you looking for an equal partner, or are you looking for a surrogate father? This situation sounds like a romantic obsession to me, and fits the pattern of someone who, as an infant or young child, had a lousy relationship with his father, and who may spend the first half of his adult life, if not all of it, looking for a "father" that will supposedly heal that infant emotional wound of wanting to be loved by a larger-than-life male figure.

What was your father-son bond like when you were an infant, toddler, and pre-schooler? Also, you are now 24: Do you have a pattern of developing obsessions on another guy who is somehow symbolically "superior" to you (for example, the GRAMP here is older and richer), and who is emotionally unavailable, and then you deciding that you must get him to love you? If so, that is the sub-conscious image of your father and the pain of his rejection at work.

If I am correct, since you are attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable, you set your fate not to find the love you are looking for, but to re-create the rejection over and over with man after man after man. And if, by chance, one of these men does decide to have a relationship with you, you will quickly find that the relationship does not have magical healing power that you expect it to have --- or else, you will suffocate your man until he is forced to drop you.

Obviously, dealing with an issue like this can't be done in a blog column. If you decide this is you, then you need to find a competent therapist that is expert at treating stalkers, romantic obsessions, and sexual addiction (even though, of course, you personally do not fit all these categories).

But then, I could be wrong --- and for your sake, I hope I am.

He says things to me like "Run the other way. You have your whole life ahead of you. Find someone who you can build a life with." He is the man I love. The one I always knew I would meet. I know he feels strongly for me but won't let himself go with it.

That's pretty creepy. I've known a few guys who acted like that to my sister (I know you like me, so I'll never give up, little girl), when she was definitely not interested. But they just couldn't comprehend the fact that a woman wouldn't be into them, or that she's anything more than a sex object so it's not like she'd

There are gay guys like that. I remember one in college who, when he couldn't get the guy he was convinced would be eternally happy with him, started showing up at his work without calling. He ended up in prison for unrelated reasons, but he did at one point write an elaborate soap opera where his unrequited love was presented as having a small and marked-up penis.

Some gay boys don't know how to take rejection well, but this letter doesn't really give enough info to decide one or the other. I'm not sure if I'm willing to believe this guy's "His friends said..." line.

Hmmm.. I agree with Alex. I'm all for attractions across age boundaries, and we need to be more open about such relationships, but Stubborn, on the face of it, seems to be indulging in some wishful thinking here. He reminds me of slightly obsessive teenagers who'd like to believe that the person they're currently obsessed with is secretly in love/obession with them too. Ah, correction - teenagers are hardly the only people to behave in this way. Lots of us "adults" (note the use of "us") do the same thing.

I like Fr. Tony's suggestion about not exercising too much caution in matters of attraction. Still, in this case, I don't think that enticing GRAMP into a sexually compromising position is particularly respectful of what he might want.

Perhaps GRAMP smells the strong scent of greed that permeates even Stubborn's brief description, and is trying to politely distance himself from what looks like a gold digger? Fr. Tony's suggestion that he acknowledge his love for the money is an honest one, but I don't think that S. is quite as upfront; he seems to want to bury his attraction to the money under a lot of rhetoric about love.

And maybe GRAMP's just perfectly happy being "alone." Not every one needs a partner to feel fulfilled, and the man, it seems, is having sex with other people. It also sounds like he has a group of friends around him, and that's an indication that he's not, in fact, alone. Why do we think of people as being alone and/or unhappy just because they don't have partners?

Stubborn might consider backing off from this one and dropping the act. I suspect that GRAMP, with far more experience, has seen through him.

I wish I could find my own Gramp...I'm just a Gamp myself, and not really interested (wary of) in the young ones.

Clear and concise communication works. This passive-aggressive crap doesn't.

Can FT make it more clear? Probably not, as "Momma always said - stupid is as stupid does."

I would say Stubborn and GRAMPS need to take a walk, and talk. And go from there. Age and HIV-status are just two parts of this relationship.

Proximity does not equal distance.

I'm 50 and have returned to college. I have been in a LTR with someone who is 10 years younger than me. But even if I wasn't I am not sure that, although they are fun to look at, I would want a sexual relationship with a 20 something year old. Their lack of life experience leaves a lot to be desired.