Let's see who we've got in today's birthday column? Why, it's Phil Reese! Don't believe me? He told you so himself!
Normally I just post an embarrassing childhood picture of the contributor and encourage everyone to leave snarky comments about how old they are. Since Phil is one of the contributors I've actually met in person (he's only a couple of hours away), I feel obligated to give him a little... more.
You see, poor Phil's boyfriend ran off to DC this morning with another man.* You'll note that Phil obviously has a drinking problem** (as shown in the standard childhood photo to the right***), so I'm sure this latest mishap will only reinforce his abandonment issues. Should you wish to find Phil tonight and give him your best regards, he'll be hanging out at Billy Bob's Beer, Bottoms & Bar Floozies celebrating with the first floozy who'll take a check.****
Now won't you - at least - wish the poor guy a happy birthday? Or you could also make a donation to the No On 1/Maine Marriage Equality campaign in his honor. Or both.
* It's not what it seems.
** He doesn't.
*** It's not a childhood photo.
**** Floozies won't take checks. I've tried.