I can't believe its a scant two weeks until the National Equality March! While I fend off my haters ("BENEDICTIA ARNOLD!") and pack my cutest protest undies, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the fact that the President will be on the other coast--in San Francisco no less (gayer than the march)--while we're all making our way down 15th St., around Lafayette Park, past the White House and down Pennsylvania Avenue to our nation's great Capitol. Golfing. Typical straight.
My number two reason for being against the march when I was against the march was that I questioned the wisdom of being there when the President and Congress would not be. Even Bill Clinton attended the Millennium March (via video, that is). Then again, which Senators and Representatives were going to attend? Probably the ones who will be there anyways. Jerrold Nadler? Check. Tammy Baldwin? Check. Jared Polis? Check. Y'all better have invited my girl Debbie Stabenow. She'll come, and believe you me, she can party better 'en any of us!
The President has always been somewhat of a cold fish to us anyway. He likes us, but we don't have a lot to talk about. He invites us over, but then its a little awkward when he's flippin' through the channels on his way to ESPN and we gasp when we see that the European Skating finals are on ESPN2 (why is 2 before 1 anyway?). Michelle's always been our lady.
Just remember how her smile lights up when we come into the room. She never forgets about us during the special times. She comes to us for advice. She's always been the one we got along with the best anyway.
Michelle Obama is warmer and more charming than her cool, calm and collected husband. Remember when the media jumped on her during the primaries for not being patriotic enough? We were screaming at our TVs "leave her alone, she's fucking right!" She's an amazing, strong but gentle and loving human being. She's our political Dreamgirl. If we could nominate her for Divas Live, we would--you know it's true.
Why have a President when we could have a Goddess?
She's going to be bored while the President is golfing. Yes, I know she golfs too (she probably kicks his ass), but his friends--let's face it--they're stiff and lame, and she's going to want to be around people who like to have a good time. Sure, she knows a lot of people in San Francisco, and she'll probably have a nice chat with Nancy Pelosi, but wouldn't she rather be with us?
Cleve Jones sent a letter to the President asking him to skip his golf outing and come to the march. I say leave him. If he wants to go shoot 18 holes and get stung by bees and creaky knees, let him. He goes to bed too early anyway. He's always making you feel like you have to act more formal than you would normally. Lame.
If we really want to invite someone from the White House who we'll love to have there, we need to invite the First Lady. She'll fit right in with the rest of us queens!
We love the First Lady--she's our darling. Its time we show her a little favoritism. Let's let this whole golf thing go, and start working on her.
And maybe if she RSVPs, the President might rethink his plans.